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Full text of "The Beat Within 13.13"

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In CM^W^ \%%%Jk^ of this wonderful publication, we 
read about how people with power abuse those without power. Yes, 
it could be the police or the DA or the PO or the judge. But it could 
also be the OG, the Big Homie, the dealer with the fattest car. It 
cold be a teacher, or a father. It could be the President of the United 
States. 

But we have also learned the lesson that individual people can 
make a difference, can change the world. Rosa PsktUs, when told to 
move to the back of the bus in 1 955, did one of the most courageous 
things an individual can do. She said, "No." Maybe this is what they 
mean when they %9^, "Speaking truth to power." And who was Rosa 
Parks? Just ^n ordinary person, a woman with no special powers, no 
special protections. Just a person, like you. 

One of our own Beat facilitators — one of the oldest — was 
able to speak truth to power, and he's written about it. Back in 
1980, before most of you were born, the government decided to 
build a prison that was not on anyone's drawing board because they 
needed a place to house Olympic athletes from around the world. 
First it was an Olympic Village, complete with shops and theaters 
and all kinds of goodies. And then, once the athletes went back to 
Europe, it became a prison, stripped clean and left cold and gray. 
At that time, our colleague was the director of ^n organization in 
Washington, D.C. with the name, the National Moratorium on Prison 
Construction. He and his colleagues immediately saw the human 
rights' violation that this prison represented, and he went so far »% 
to go to jail to protest. 

The piece we're about to share was written by Michael liroll 
(who facilitates in ^^n Francisco's Juvenile Justice Center and ^^n 
Mateo's Juvenile Hall). On Monday, March 31, the %skn Francisco 
Chronicle published his piece (Section B5) in a slightly edited form, 
but we want to show you the piece »% he originally wrote it »% a 
reminder that you possess the same power that he possessed (and 
still possesses), the power to sx^ "No." 

Protesting the Olympic Torch 
By Michael A. liroll 

The hoopla in %skn Francisco surrounding the forthcoming Olympic 
Torch tvknnet and the promised demonstrations focused on China's 
human rights' Sk\i\]k%e% reminded me of stn earlier Olympic protest 
against human rights 9\ivkses — except those 9\ivkses were far closer 
to home. 

In 1980, the Winter Olympics were held in Lake Placid, New 
York. As the United States Olympic Committee (USOC) contemplated 
housing the large number of (mostly white) athletes who would be 
descending on the tiny Alpine village, they went to Congress asking 
for federal money to build temporary quarters. Congress responded 
that the federal government was not in the business of providing 
public money for private enterprises (we weren't East Germany, after 
all), and advised that if the Committee could suggest a permanent 
public after-use, then the money might be forthcoming. 

In record time — working closely with the Federal ^vkteskvk of 
Prisons — the USOC came up with their suggested "public" after- 
use: a new federal prison. Without the Congressional oversight 
that had always been required for such a massive project. Congress 
appropriated the money, borrowed a blueprint from an existing 
federal prison complex, clear cut a large swath of forest between 
Lake Placid and ^Sktansk^ Lake, and construction began. 

At that time, I coordinated a project headquartered in 
Washington, D.C. called the National Moratorium on Prison 
Construction (with our West Coast office in %skn Francisco). Along 
with affiliate groups in New York, we launched a campaign to focus 
attention on the irony and inhumanity of U.S. tax dollars to pay for 
an "Olympic Village" — complete with discotheque, movie theater, 
fancy food services and many other amenities — for the 1 1 00, 
mostly white, European athletes who would first occupy the village 
temporarily, only to be followed by its more permanent residents, 
young, mostly black and Latino men from the vktYmn centers of New 
York City and Philadelphia who would be imprisoned there, once the 
complex was stripped of all the warm trappings of celebrity and left 
Yi^tten and cold. 

We called our campaign Stop The Olympic Prison, which made a 
convenient acronym: S.T.O.P., and we designed a brilliantly colored 
poster showing a black arm thrust through the Olympic rings under 
the slogan. Stop The Olympic Prison (http://www.docspopuli.org/ 
articles/STOP/STOP.html). 

Soon, we received a letter from the USOC threatening to sue us 
for copyright infringement if we did not "cease and desist." Far from 
ceasing and desisting, we launched our own pre-emptive strike: we 
sued the USOC ourselves for skn "anticipatory breach" of our First 
Amendment rights. Just before the Games began, a federal judge 
ruled in our favor, noting that there was little likelihood of anyone 
confusing our poster with the corporate goals of the Olympic 
Committee, and opining that they must believe that Zeus himself, 
from atop Mount Olympus, had given them exclusive rights to the 
word "Olympic." 

But then came the Olympic Torch Runnet through the streets 
of Washington, D.C. and onto the steps of the U.S. Capitol in a 
welcoming ceremony sponsored by the Senate. My offices were 
only a few blocks from the building, and on the morning of that 
ceremony (to which the public had been invited), I arrived with a 



\iSknner that we had prepared to take to Lake Placid and display 
during the Games. The Ymnnet read: "Olympic Torch = Freedom, 
Olympic Prison = Slavery." I stood at the back of the crowd so Sk% 
not to obstruct ^n^one's view, and raised the Yi^nnet. 

Soon, a Capitol Hill Police captain approached and inquired if I 
had a permit to demonstrate. I answered that I did not, but asked 
if the many others in the crowd with signs welcoming the torch 
runner had permits. The Captain told me they did not, but that my 
sign was "not in the spirit of the ceremony," and ordered me to put it 
down. If I refused, he said, he would have me arrested. I replied that 
I believed the First Amendment protected my speech, and that if he 
arrested me, I would sue. Again, he ordered me to relinquish the 
YiSknnern Again, I refused. Two other officers then arrested me and 
took me into custody. I was released some hours after the ceremony 
ended, and charges against me were dropped. I sued. 

While our campaign to Stop The Olympic Prison was unsuccessful 
(today, more than twelve hundred young men, mostly men of color, 
wte incarcerated there), my lawsuit succeeded. The result may be 
instructive both for those contemplating how they might express 
their opposition to the upcoming Olympic Games in China, and for 
the government that hopes to impose "time, place and manner" 
restrictions on such demonstrations. In a word, what my case 
determined is that where there is "no obstruction of pedestrian or 
vehicular traffic" by a single demonstrator (who does) "not threaten 
or provoke violence," there is no right to impose the kinds of 
restrictions allowed on larger, organized gatherings. 

%skn Francisco officials might also want to consider this from 
the court's decision: "Freedom of expression would not truly exist 
if the right could be exercised only in an area that a benevolent 
government has provided as a safe haven for crackpots." (That 
would be me...) "(W)e do not confine the permissible exercise of 
First Amendment rights to a telephone booth or the four corners of 
a pamphlet..." 

A word to the wise... 

By the way, even though he won his lawsuit, it took fifteen years 
before the government stopped appealing their loss. And what did 
he win? Well, the most important thing was a decision from the court 
that redefined what a protest is — and what a protest is not — in 
terms of what the government is allowed to control. For those who 
see dollar signs whenever they say, "Sue the bastards," you should 
also know one more thing. He was awarded a total of $15... one 
dollar for every year it took the courts to finally resolve the case... 

Before we close, here's this issue's topics that were discussed 
prior to most of the writing that is featured in this fabulous issue. 

The first topic, the not so popular, "Cleaning up for the county 
rather than for yo' momma." - Honestly, when was the last time 
you scrubbed your family's toilet? Why are you so anxious to fold 
strangers' poopy underwear and wash their nasty dishes, but when 
it comes to doing this for your family and housemates it ain't cool? 
Do you love to be on clean-up crew here in Juvenile Hall? Share with 
us an experience that you've had while on clean up crew. What is 
the nastiest thing you've seen cleaned? Tell us about a time when 
someone on the outs asked you to clean up. Did you do it? Why or 
why not? After you've cleaned up some of the messes in here, will 
you clean up once you get out? 

Our second topic, "Living The Double Life" - Do you live a double 
life, one part gangbanger or criminal, the other part a decent, 
helpful person, going to school to achieve something, playing 
sports, helping your mom and younger siblings? If so, does this 
"double life" create problems for you, either at home or with your 
homies? Does it ever leave you confused? What do you do when your 
family wants you to do one thing, but your homies want you to do 
another? Can you satisfy one part of your life without disappointing 
the other? Are you struggling to give up this double life, and put 
both feet on one path or the other? Which will you choose? 

Our third topic, "Life Before Cell Phones" - You don't have to be 
all that old to remember what it was like before everyone had his 
or her own, personal cell phone. How many can remember when 
you had to wait at home, sometimes for hours, for someone you 
expected to call you? Do you remember having to look for a public 
telephone at school or in a store or in a phone booth on the street 
to make that call you just had to make? How has life changed for 
you, or for your family, now that you are freed from phone lines 
and stationary telephones? Have cell phones created any problems 
for you? Have they made life on the streets faster? Have you lost 
cell phones and had to pay for new ones? Why did you select the 
mobile phone company you use? Now, tell us a cell phone story that 
only you can tell, or just tell us how different life was before cell 
phones. 

The last topic, and most popular, "Disappointment" - How do 
you deal with disappointment? When there is a situation that does 
not work your way, how do you address your feelings? How do you 
react to disappointment? Do you get anqry? How do you handle 
your anger? Tell us of a time you were disappointed. Who has 
disappointed you, or who have you disappointed? This week we 
want to hear your thoughts on disappointment. 

We hope you enjoyed this latest editorial note installment. We 
want to thank Michael liroll for sharing his wonderful commentary 
with The Beat community, and we also want to say how thrilled we 
all are to have him back full-time! 



mam ffff/rr/frs 



The Beat Within, a weekly newsletter of writing and art b 
incarcerated youth, is published by Pacific News Service. 

At The Beat Within, we go through a lot of trouble to censor inappn 
sexual remarks, foul language, and gang references. There is enough ten: 
our commuities already-we don't aim to bolster it. It is in The Beat's inte 
promote peace and unity. Our goal is to educate one another. 



ishes the opinions and views expressed by the participants 
lis is simply the pure voice of the youth. The views you 
ly reflect those of the publisher, editor or staff. All rights 



are reserved. Nothing 1 



To our writers: What you write could be hazardous to you. Your words havt 
consequences, and could be used to incriminate you. Try to illuminate youi 
feelings and viewpoints without running the risk of providing ammunition foi 
those who might use your words against you. 



Kroll, Omar' 



Co-founders: Sam 



Senior Editors: Da 



Assistant Editors: Micl 



Graphics/Layout Editor: 



Staff: Pauline Craig, Jill Wolfson, Allan Tinker, Patricia Johnson, Amanda 
Abies, Dennis Morton, Sheerly Avni, Brittany Bernard, Perry Jones, Brenda 
Navarro, Elizabeth Crawford, Morghan Velez Young, Siliva Mortenson, An- 
drew Barba, Estella Cisneros, Allen Huang, Nic Reiner, Angelica Zabanal, 
Charles Labanowski, Kolby Hanson, Chelsea Sprick, Akima Edwards, Justine 
Palefsky, Laura Vitaro, Alfred Dersidan and Neela Banerjee. 

The Maricopa County, Phoenix, Arizona, Juvenile Probation Department 
Beat Staff: Joe Szulecewski, M.A., Lisa Donsker, M.C., Hillary Shluker, M.C., 



Lisa Karczewski, M.A. 
ner, D. Scott Herrmann. 



Utter, Shj 



Bernalillio County, New Mexico "The Land of Enchantment" Juvenile 
Probation Department Beat Staff: Steve Serna 

Art: Much props to everyone for the great art this week. 



Spiritual Advisor: Jac 
Special Volunteer: Na 



Book Donor: Marisela Norte 

Beat Supporters: The Beat Within greatefully acknowledges the generous sup- 
port of funders of Pacific News Service's Youth Communications Programs 
- California Arts Council, California Wellness Foundation, Christensen Fund, 
Community Foundation of Silicon Valley, Community Technology Foundation 
of California, Compton Foundation, Creative Work Fund, Cricket Island Foun- 
dation, Evelyn and Walter Haas, Jr. Fund, Ford Foundation, James Irvine Foun- 
dation, Marguerite Casey Foundation, Marin Community Foundation, Morris 
Stulsaft Foundation, Nathan Cummings Foundation, Oakland Fund for Children 
and Youth, Open Society Institute, Peninsula Community Foundation, Phil- 
anthropic Ventures Foundation, S. H. Cowell Foundation, San Francisco Arts 
Commission, San Francisco Foundation, Shinnyo-en Foundation, W. Clement 
and Jessie V. Stone Foundation, Stone Circles Foundation, Stuart Foundation, 
Surdna Foundation, The California Endowment, Tides Foundation, Van Loben 
Sels/Rembe Rock Foundation, Vanguard Public Foundation, Wallace Alexan- 
der Gerbode Foundation, Walter S. Johnson Foundation, Youth Justice Funding 
Collaborative, the Zellerbach Family Fund and individual donors. 

Writers: Thanks to all the participants in our workshops in the San Francis- 
co, Maricopa County Arizona, Santa Clara, San Mateo, Alameda, Bernalillio 
County New Mexico, Santa Cruz and Marin County Juvenile Halls. If you have 
any questions or comments about The Beat Within, or if you would like to 
become a subscriber, contact us at: 275 Ninth St. SFCA. 94103 or call (415) 
503-4170 or check us out at: 

www.thebeatwithin.org 




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I'm Still Here 



What's good Beat? This Gangsta Shadow your "Baby Boy 
Demon." I think this is one of the first times I'm actually just 
writing without rhyming. 

Well, I remember when I first came to The Beat back in 
Bl. I was barely into my teen years... No, wait ... I was 12 
'cause I went the first time in San Mateo Hillcrest. I didn't 
want to write back then. I was like, "The Beat Within?' I 
thought it was a rapping place, but I was kinda right. I didn't 
really start to write until I came in at the end of 2005 after I 
turned 15. Then I was like, "OK, I'ma do this right here." So 
that's how I became known in The Beat. Even if I didn't like 
your responses, I was happy 'cause I was in it. 

Fast forward to 2008. I have two kids, Selena (two years 
old), and Angel (ten months). I love both of my kids very 
much, even if my baby mama got on my nerves. She back in 
El Salvador. She with her family. We broke up and she didn't 
want to help raise the kids. Fine by me. See, her family didn't 
think it was right messing with a Puerto Rican because of 
some dumb shhh, but it's cool. 

To give you a lil' history, I came from Puerto Rico at five 
months. My moms from San Juan, dad's from Ponce. They 
met through a friend at college 'cause at first they were livin' 
together in New York. Went back to Puerto Rico. My mom had 
me there, came to California, San Francisco 

I was raised in The Mission until 1994 when cops took me 
away. See, my dad was 17 and my mom was 16. My grandma 
and the social worker didn't think that my mom was fit to 
raise me, and my dad didn't live with us. He started dating 
another Puerto Rican lady. So at four years old, I went to a 
foster home in Hunters Point for a year. Went to another one 
for three and a half years, and the last one for five years. 

I was bad as hell, always into something. One lady in 
foster care named me Menso (stupid) because I always had to 
do something wrong. Always on punishment but never acted 
like it. After the last foster home, got sent to a group home. 
That's when I met The Beat 'cause my first case, and I was in 
juvenile hall. 

Went through 18 group homes (failed all of them in San 
Francisco), two in South City, one in Turlock, one in Merced, 
two in Stockton, one in Tulare. Ran from all of them. I even 
been to Seneca Center 'cause the judge thought I was 5150, 
but I showed her, though. I'll be 18 in nine months and nine 
days. (Yep, I'm counting.) 

I got to go to a group home in Santa Rosa. Right now I got 
a strike and two felonies. I face a maximum of fourteen years, 
eight years in the Y and six years in the pen. I've been through 
a lot. They gave me out-of-home placement, but its nothing 
'cause for the past many years I had out-of-home placement. 
I've seen a lot, done a lot and participated in a lot. But I can 
truly say I've been to hell and came back unscratched. 

And to let all my haters and enemies know, keep sayin' 
my name you making me into a celebrity. I ain't never left. I'm 
still here and goin' to stay here. 

-Gangsta Shadow, San Francisco 
From The Beat: This is one of the best autobiographical sicetches we've 
read in The Beat, full of the icinds of details that turn an ordinary piece 
of writing into something extraordinary. Somewhere along the line in 
all those group homes and foster homes and out-of-home placements, 
you learned how to express yourself with skill and honesty, and that 
is no small accomplishment! We hate the fact that you will now have 
to spend the next portion of your life in jail and prison, but we know 
that many people with less ability than you have come through those 
situations, and have achieved great things. Yes, you have experienced 
the equivalent of hell, GS, but you are not unscathed. You are scarred 
las, to some extent, we all are), and we think it is in your interest (and 
the interests of your children) to examine those scars and realize that 
they only partly describe you. You are much more — much greater — 
than the sum of your worst deeds. Whether you want to admit it or 
not, we see a warmth buried deep within your heart that you have had 
to learn to protect with a hard exterior, if you can spend the time you 
have trying to examine what% beneath that exterior, if you can be alone 
with your heart, we believe your intelligence will let you see yourself 
in a different light, and that light could be like a beacon to a far better 
future. As a child, you had no control over the painful circumstances you 
kept finding yourself in. Now, as a young adult, you can begin to craft 
a different future so that you are in control of those circumstances. We 
know that the easy thing for you would be just to accept the image you 
want to portray — that of "Baby Boy Demon" — and not do the hard 
work of self-examination and critical thinking. But you are neither a 
baby boy nor a demon, and you are blessed with uncommon gifts. Don't 
throw those gifts away. 



"Smokey, I'm Not the Smartest Guy in the 
World, But..." 

My favorite movie is "Friday." The star of the movie is Ice 
Cube. One of the reasons that I like this movie is because 
it's very realistic. The movie is very down to earth ... it 
makes you think about how life really is in the hood. 
One of the lines in the movie that I really took to liking 
"Smokey I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but from 
here it looks like you taking a shhh." 

I like this line in the movie because I can remember 
times in my neighborhood. The movie has a lot of kids 
growing up in the ghetto can relate to the scenes because 
it's like every day life to them. Plus to see something in a 
movie that's a part of your every day life is good to watch. 
It can teach you something to do and some things not to 
do. 

Overall the movie was great. It was a good movie 
because it touched how life is in the hood. There were 
parts from the movie that were hella funny. There were 
also pints in the movie where they were making jokes and 
it really shouldn't have been a joke. 

I saw that because if there was a little kid watching the 
movie, and they see all the stealing, killing and fighting, 
they might take it the wrong way. 

I say that because if there was a little kid watching the 
movie, and they see all the stealing, killing, and fighting, 
they might take it the wrong way, like since it's on the 
movie that it's cool to do. It's bad because it's like giving 
kids the wrong message, like all of that is cool, but it's 
not. It sends them the wrong messages, you never know... 
they might go out and try to do some killing, fighting and 
stealing. But overall, the movie was great. 

-Stewie, Alameda 

From The Beat: Great review, Stewie! You could make a career out of 
this! So what age is the 'right' age for someone to see Friday? How old 
were you when you first saw it? Did it influence you to do bad things? 
And if seeing violence and stealing on film has a bad effect on children, 
what do you think of when how it effects them when they see all that 
stuff in real life? 



Gotta Set Myself Straight 



Disappointment? Yeah, I'mdisappointed. I'mdisappointed 
with the fact that some people don't understand that there 
ain't nothing I could do to fix the situation I left behind 
when I came here. Disappointed with the fact that my lil' 
brother pickin' up bad habits and stressin' out my moms. 
Disappointed that I can't help the people that need me 
right now. All these things that are going on out there and 
I can't control a single one. 

But how do I deal with this disappointment? Well, 
ain't much I could do but call my people and give a word 
of my advice. But everything that's happenin' out there 
only seems to get worse. So I'ma just lay back, chill here 
'til my court next month, and pray for the best. Hopefully 
my people will make some better decisions like I will 
when I get out. 

I want my girl and my two sisters to know that I wish 
y'all the best. My partner in and my homie need to keep 
their heads up, too. Gotta use this time to set myself 
straight. Gotta go. 

-Bakgwai, San Francisco 

From The Beat: Your list of disappointments could be read as a warning to 
all who think (and write) that being here "ain't nothing." It's something, 
and you've laid out just exactly what that something is. We are most 
encouraged by your commitment to "make some better decisions" when 
you get out, because it is in those decisions that your freedom lies. What 
are you planning to do (and not to do) when you get out of here so that 
you don't have to endure any more of the disappointments you write 
about, and so that you won't disappoint yourself again? 



Love 



This is the first love story I was in love with M. She was 
my neighbor who lived behind my grandma's house. She 
lived there with her step dad, mom, two sisters and lil' 
brother. She was the girl next door. 

At first, I didn't want to be with her, but my cousins 
peer pressured me to get with her, so I did. I went out 
with her for three months in the summer. It was summer 
love. She loved me and I loved her. She was my first love. 
I wanted to take her to Vegas but she couldn't go, so I 
stayed with her and we went to San Francisco I bought 
her a season pass to Raging Waters. We went, but not a 
lot because her mom didn't let her out a lot. But everyone 
told me, "When you gonna hit it?" I said, "Don't trip." 

I wanted to take her to a motel to handle business, but 
her mom didn't let her out. That was a week before school 
started. When I didn't get none, I dumped her. She cried 
for hours and my cousins told me about it then school 
started. She wrote me a letter. She wanted me back. I said 
no. She said she'll do anything, but I still said no. At the 
time I thought I was a playa 'cause everyone called me it, 
but now looking at it at 17 1/2, 1 have a different mentality. 
I'm sorry for what I did to her. 

At the end of the year she moved to Texas. I never seen 
her again, but I wrote to her telling her I was sorry and I 
changed. Now I see boys doing what I'm doing, breaking 
girls hearts and not caring being playas is what everyone 
wants to be. Me, I don't wanna be that no more. I hate it. 
Now if I get a girl, I will be faithful and not lie to her. I will 
be honest. I feel remorse for what I did, but I will never do 
what I did to M ever again to any girl. 

-Vincent, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: We think the most important word that describes what 
you did to M, and what you see others doing to other girls, is the word 
"boy." You were acting liice a boy, not a man, and you let other boys push 
into. It's not just that you're 1 7 and half now, because we know plenty 
of males much older than you who are still boys in how they think of 
females and how they treat them. "Handling business" doesn't happen 
at a motel, it happens every day in any real relationship, and it requires 
work and attention. You have learned a lot and grown a lot, and it 
is a pure pleasure to see how deeply you have been affected by this 
experience, how willing you are to criticize yourself, and how ready you 
are to act like a man. Any dog can do the deed, but only a responsible 
male can move from boyhood into manhood. Did you ever get a letter 
back from M when you wrote her your apology? We think that when you 
do find that special person, she will be very lucky to have you. 



I Have A Wonderful Family 

I been locked up for a problem called curfew. I went to court 
and I didn't get out and I am really sad because I'm putting 
my family through a lot of stress. They come and visit me 
every day because they love me with their whole hearts, and 
I love them with my whole heart. 

I got two parents that adopted me and I have a wonderful 
family. I clean up my room and wash my own clothes now 
because my parent told me to. I have a sister named Leayla 
and I love her because she is in the family and I stay right 
next to her like she is my DNA. She helps me a lot. I have a 
lot of fun with the whole family. I love them with my whole 
heart. 

I go to a school called Rise, and my school goes on a 
lot of adventures. I love the school because it help me learn 
and I have fun there. I love my whole family, Leayla, Richard, 
Kathy. Teddy is my cat that I love from the SPCA. He is black 
and he is part of the family. I can't wait to get out of here and 
change around my life. I love my family. 

-Don Cardona Michael, San Francisco 
From The Beat: This is a wonderful piece, a tribute to a family that you 
clearly love and that clearly loves you. How lucky you are to have such 
a loving family to go home to, and how much you owe them! Don't 
make them sad because you are locked up. Do the things you know you 
should do, the things they ask you to do, and stop doing the things 
that lead you away from them. Telling them how much you love them 
is very important. But shoiving them hoiv much you love them is even 
more important. 



The Economir 



Man, the economy is outrageous because how they 
gonna raise taxes, tolls from the bridge from Marin to San 
Francisco and from Oakland to San Francisco, gas prices, 
and the dollar isn't worth a dollar no more, it's worth less 
than a dollar! European money is worth more than US 
money. The US is in debt with itself and it's spending 
money it don't have on these wars and stuff. The country 
is bankrupt. We owe billions of dollars to the Chinese 
and ourselves, the taxpayers. Anybody who got a legit 
job is gonna have to pay these bills off. People are gonna 
have less spending money — they've gotta buy their needs 
first, 'cause wants always come last, but some people put 
wants firsts. Wants is like extra clothes and shoes, needs 
is food for your family and things for your home. 

If I was one of the high persons, a civil rights leader, 
I would honestly — I don't know, I wouldn't know where 
to start. The money being worthless, us common folk, 
people from the cities and the rural areas — it's only 
gonna affect us in ways like gas, food, taxes. It's more 
or less gonna affect the big economies, not the little, 
like McDonald's probably gonna have a $5 or $4 menu, 
no more $1 price. The poor really gonna suffer. Once it 
hits the big economy, it's us common folk gonna suffer 
drastically. 

-Tha Dude, San Francisco 

From The Beat: You've given the state of the US economy a lot of 
thought, and not just about how it's affecting you, but how it affects 
many who are rich and also poor. It hurts to know that all those people 
are losing their homes from those sub-prime mortgages, and are living 
with relatives, in tents in parks, or are now homeless, and that the 
wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are killing so many and bankrupting our 
country. We appreciate your opinions. 



Me And My ilncle 



When I was lil' my uncle was drinking and he had too 
much. 

I told him I had a boyfriend he said, "Let me show you 
what he is going to do to you." 

But I told him no, and he still kept telling me, "let me 
show you." 

No no no... you're going to hurt me. Stop, get off me. 
Please stop, I'm going to call the po-po, stop. 

And he was telling me to "shut up bitch, ain't no one 
going to believe you 'cause you young and stupid and I am a 
grown ass man, but do you think they really want to believe 
you?" 

My uncle kept doing it to me, until I was fighting back for 
myself when I was young. But he just kept hittin' taking away 
my womanhood from me. It hurt so much that I couldn't take 
it anymore, so I just stay still and let him do what he wanted 
to do, and I want to tell someone but he said he would kill 
me. 

Later on I told my daddy and he didn't believe me, and 
I told my grandmamma, and she didn't believe me at all, so 
I told my mom and Te-Te and they believed me and I called 
the po-po (police). They wanted to report it and I told them 
no. My mom and Te Te told them what I told them so the po- 
po took the report and told them to be on the watch for my 
uncle. 

But if my uncle was to do that to my sister I will kill his 
ass, but Beat, that is all I know. I will be writing y'all from my 
group home when I get there. But Beat I want you to know 
that I am happy to let y'all know what happened to me when 
I was young. 

-Jacqueline, Alameda 
From The Beat: We're glad you wrote on it too, Jacqueline. When you 
write what happened, it^ a good way to remind us that a strong young 
person can rise above anything! What do you picture when you imagine 
the kind of person you would want to share your life with or be close to 
in the future? Take care, you have our good thoughts. 



Mi Padre 



Yo me pongo a pensar en mi madre.Es tan triste estar 
lejos de sus seres queridos. Yo paso pensando tan to en 
mis hermanos. Como quisiera tener a mi padre vivo como 
otros lo tienen. Cuidenlo mucho. 

Yo me pongo triste al ver como ellos vienen a ver a sus 
hijos. Me pongo a llorar. Me pongo triste con un amigo 
que tengo aqui porque el me conto que adelante de el 
mataron a su abuelo. Yo le dije, a mi no me gusta decir 
esto, pero a mi me mataron a mi padre en frente de mi. Yo 
venia del monte en una bicicleta, tenia un machete y me 
pare porque mi papa estaba parado ahi. Yo lo queria llebar 
a casa porque estaba borracho. En ese momento, tenia 
una cicatriz en la cara. Me gustaria contarle lo demas, 
pero no puedo porque estoy llorando. 

From The Beat: No necesitamos mas palabra para saber lo dificil que ha 
sido enfrentar ese suceso. Sentimos mucho que hayas pasado por esa 
experiencia que a nadie le gustaria pasar. Queremos decirte que apesar 
de lo que te ha pasado, hay una vida por delante. No dejes que esto te 
dirija a un mal camino. Tienes que buscar de evitar en pensar en este 
momento dificil porque te esta afectado de una manera u otra. La vida 
sigue y hay muchas cosas bonitas que la vida ofrece. Date la oportunidad 
de disfrutarlas y ser una persona diferente. Puedes ser muy feliz si asi 
lo deseara. Si crees que esta experiencia te esta molestando tu estado 
emosional muy frecuente, hay personas profesionales capacitadas para 
ayudarte con esto. Piensala! Estamos aqui para escucharte. Nos gustaria 
escuchar el final de tu escritura sino te causa molestia. Gracias por tus 
palabras. 



My Father 



I think about my mother. It's very sad to be away from your 
loved ones. I spend my time thinking about my brothers. 
How I wish to have my father alive like others. And to take 
care of them. 

I get sad to see when their parents come to see their 
kids. I start to cry. I get sad with a friend who I have here. 
He shared a story to me about how they killed his grandpa' 
in front of him. I told him that I don't like to say this, but 
my dad was murdered in front of me as well. I was riding 
back home on my bike, I had a machete and I stopped 
because my dad was standing there. I wanted to take him 
because he was drunk. In that moment, he had a scare on 
his face. I would like to share the rest with you, but I can't 
because I'm crying. 

-Oscar, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We don't need to read the rest of your story to know 
how hard it must have been to face a tragedy like that one. We are 
sorry that you had to live such an experience anyone wouldn't like to 
live. We want to tell you that besides what happened to you, you still 
have a life to live. Don't let this misguide you to a bad road. You should 
find a way to avoid thinking about this because it is affecting in one 
way or another. Life continues and there are many beautiful things life 
has to offer. Life continues and there are many beautiful things life 
offers. Give yourself the chance to enjoy those things and be a different 
person. You can be very happy with your life, if you believe that this 
bad experience is affecting you emotional state very often, there are 
professionals assigned to these types of issues that can help you. Think 
about it. We are here to listen to you too. We would love to hear the 
ending part of this writing if you don't mind, that is when you are ready. 
Thanks for your words. 



Lonely Nights, Lonely Days 

Lonely nights and lonely days, 
waking up with headaches 
six in the morning 
taking cold showers. 
Don't know where I'm going. 
No one has the answer. 
Living for today - 
patiently waiting until tomorrow- 
killed with sorrow. 
It's like there's a tall border. . . 
adrenaline's pumped, wanting to jump. 
Fifty to life. 
For the life I chose, 
my mom's permanently bruised. 
All I want is one more chance, 
but on the daily 
I'm doing the evil dance. 
Slowly burning in a fire. 
Wanting to go home is my desire. 
What's my future? 
It's fractured. 
Body feeling numb with no gravity, 
feeling pain like cavities. 
I still walk with my head up, 
a smile on my face, 
hunger for freedom to leave this place. 

-Oscar, Santa Cruz 

From The Beat: Oscar, we icnow you are in a tough situation. We also 
icnow that you have an opportunity to demonstrate that you're growing 
as a person. Judges taice many factors into consideration when they 
maice decisions. We're hoping that the Oscar the judge sees will be a 
different Oscar from the one who came to juvy a few months ago. We're 
hoping that we can help you along that road to growth. Don't give up. 
By the way, nice writing this weeic. 



Two Different Lives 



I'm tired of this, I can't keep 

Leavin' one house and go on 

To the next house. I can't keep 

Looking over my shoulder. 

Trying not to get caught up. I gotta 

Let someone go, but I don't think it's fair 

Just to stay with one. So I'm sorry but I 

Guess this is the last time. 

-Lil' Ols, Alameda 

From The Beat: A sad, powerful poem. As usuai, you are struggling with 
serious issues in a mature way. Which is the house that you want to 
make your "home" - and what is getting in the way of making that 
happen? And when you say "Guess this is the last time," what exactly 
do you mean? 




/EZ=2 




M]f Achievement, My Goodbire 

First and for most, let me extend my at most love and 
respect to all who come across my words. 

About five years ago, I was incarcerated for the first 
time. Ever since then, I have had my own recitursmo with 
on going violation for probation. I have been faced with 
street redentials, pen credentials and normal civilian 
law. 

Although I have been incarcerated for periods of 
time, I have finally came to a conclusion. The system will 
perform its utmost to keep anyone vulnerable to its ways. 
The knowledge of which I obtained has projected this 
clearly. 

Now that I'm an adult in the system's eyes, (18 years 
old). They are letting me go (washing their hands of me) 
and leaving me for the adult system. But, I ain't entering 
the outside world blind or unprepared. I'm in college, I 
have my own place and I'm some-what able to clean my 
record. 

I thank The Beat for being here for us and expressing 
our most inner thoughts (the appropriate ones). Well 
Beat, this is my last piece. I'm out this book for good. 
After about ten months, I'm out this time for good! Well I 
exit this piece the same way I've entered with my utmost 
love and respect to all. Stay educating ya' selves! 

-Educated Gangster, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: What an expression! You're on the right road. Keep on 
woricing on your education. The more you learn, the wiser and powerful 
you become. You know how the system works, and now it is time you 
play with them using the knowledge you've gained while being under 
its possession. The way you speak is so honest and convincing. Keep it 
that way and you may make a change in the future. Who knows, maybe 
you were born to become a good public defender or a lawyer and make 
a big difference. We're proud of your accomplishment and the way you 
are guiding your ideas and life. 



Couraoe 



It takes courage to always stand tall. 

It takes courage to never let your head fall. 

It takes courage to call your self manly. 

It takes courage to stand up like a man and provide for 

your family. 

It takes courage to make your self from a boy to a man. 

It takes courage to put the hood in the past. 

It takes courage to live life 

'cause you never know how long life is gonna last. 

Varrio shhh! 

It takes courage to hustle on and off the block 

It takes courage to get your dope and separate it and sell 

them by different rocks. 

It takes courage to even stand next to a knock. 

It takes courage to wear a certain logo on a certain hat. 

It takes courage to walk down the next block, 'cause you 

never know when them rivals is coming to stomp your 

hat flat. 

It takes courage to be known as a boss. 

It takes courage to buy what you want no matter what it 

cost. 

It takes courage to track down a connect to get a glock 

fresh out the box 

It takes courage to see someone's brain splatter 

You can't read no one's mind, so you know that they 

want or know what they're after. 

Every one in the room knows it takes courage for your 

name to be known as a factor. 

-Mousie, Alameda 

From The Beat: it takes even more courage to step away from that life, to 
risk ridicule, losing "friends" stepping away from the known (gangster 
life) into the unknown (a life of hard work and personal success, the life 
your mom dreams for you). Do you have that kind of courage? 



Being a Dad 



What up Beat. Well my own topic is about my girl who 
I call my wife because she's two months pregnant and of 
course I'm going to be there during my kid's birth because 
I'm only in here for two misdemeanors so I already served 
close to forty days, so when I get out I'm going to dedicate 
my life to going to school and work so I can give my kid 
what he/she wants. 

I basically want to be the best father and later in life 
to be the best husband. I just pray to God to help me live a 
good gang-free normal life and have a very good job to buy 
diapers, clothing, a stroller just for my baby and that's all 
that matters to me is my baby's mama and my kid. 

I'm tired of living the harsh reality of these gang- 
infested streets because if I end up dead or doing life for 
some buUshhh then my baby won't have a father to come 
to when he/she wants advice from a man's point of view or 
I might not be there for the first day of school. Well Beat 
that's it. 

-Sammy, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: What an optimistic piece! it's clear to us that you love 
your lady and your baby and you're determined to live a better life when 
you get out of here. It's what we want to see for all of you! We hope 
for the best for you and remember that living the 'normal' life doesn't 
mean it will be easy. Just keep in mind what and who you love and it 
will get you through it. 



Courage 



What courage means to me is rather deep... like meeting 
my mom for the first time at Sunny Hills Group Home. 

Almost 15 years later they found her, and when I seen 
her I wanted to ask so much, like, "Why did you give me 
up?" and "why didn't you come back for me?" 

When I was at the group homes and the kids would 
jump me and steal my stuff, I would yell out and say "I 
can't wait for my mom to come get me..." and the staff 
and kids would say in unison "Yo' mama don't want you, 
that's why she sent you here!" 

I was like, "you're wrong, she's coming back..." I felt 
like she was the only one that could save me, and she 
never came, and I often wondered what her hugs felt like, 
if she was hip or old school, if I would ever do the electric 
slide with her. 

I would say "When I get older I'm going to invite my 
mom to my proms and dances," and when I met her all 
that was out the door. She said "I don't want nothing to 
do with you, Martell, or Kevin, just stay away from me." 

Until one day my foster mom picked me up and she 
cared for me, and she didn't have no husband, and it was 
just me and her and she came to my basketball games 
and boxing class and recitals, and then on out I started 
being around my females - mom, my cousin that some of 
y'all know, and my sister Michelle. 

They weren't blood, no, but blood couldn't have made 
us any closer. And I never had a father figure, so in my 
mind they don't exist. 

Still, to this day, it took courage to trust my foster 
mom after being hurt by my mother. 

So if you have a story like mine's, don't worry. Come 
up here and tell it, even if you have to cry... because 
everyone has courage, you just have to find it. That is 
what courage means to me. Taking that step to trust 
someone after all you've been through. 

-Sydy Bo, Alameda 

From The Beat: There are so many lessons in courage in this piece, the 
courage you showed as a young boy, holding on to a dream that helped 
you survive those daric days, the courage to shout back at the people 
taunting you, the courage, like you say, to love again, and finally 
the courage to lead by example, to tell the story of what you've been 
through and encourage others to do the same. Bravo! 



Where My Daddy? 



Raised by the streets, never knew his pops. 

Poised in the 'hood with the thugs and knocks. 

Moms alone, trying make ends meet. 

Working three odd jobs to put J's on his feet. 

Roaches in the room where he slept at night. 

Twelve years old, smoking weed, 'cause it felt so right. 

Sip a little bit a gin 'til his body numb. 

Starting popping as a young teen, puttin' pills on his 

tongue. 

Mad at the world, what he do? He run. 

Ran away from his home without taking his gun. 

Moms took it from him, her eyes full of tears. 

Found it in his dresser drawer, and it topped her fears. 

Arrested on a robbery, he was sent to the halls. 

Three days in his room, just starin' at the walls. 

They put him on probation to see how he would act. 

Did good for ten months and then they brought him right 

back. 

Burglary charge, and he tried to fight the police. 

Now he sittin' in the halls, waitin' his release. 

They gave him twenty days; he did it real fast. 

Got out and was motivated all about cash. 

So he hustled with his cousins, pulling licks for scritch. 

Got laced by OGs, money over a beezie. 

Hit a lick and got caught with his potna in crime. 

Nobody was gone snitch; they both did the time. 

They shipped him off to an all-boys school 

But he was up there, hawgin', sayin' forget the rules. 

He didn't lick, somebody snitched, but didn't want the 

glory. 

Police was in his face, asking him for the story. 

He said he didn't know, so they gave him a look. 

They said, "You don't tell us what happened — you're gonna 

get booked." 
Shrugged his shoulders, shook his head, white faces turned red. 

Police was hella mad, but enough was said. 

They couldn't cuff him up, 'cause there wasn't any evidence. 

So they took him back to his original residence. 

Ran away from home; roUas caught him thizzin'. 

Tried to tell 'em where he lived, but he was also slizzin' 

(perkin' or leanin' Robitussin.) 

They booked him on possession of a blue naked lady, lamic 

(high) in the halls 

So you know he goin' crazy 

-J, Marin 
From The Beat: Is this young man you? You raise a whole lot of 
interesting questions, such as since this young man knows his mother 
is working so hard and so long trying to earn money to keep her family 
together, why doesn't this teenager tell her he doesn't need Js, which 
can cost from $150 to $200 or more? Why is he using a gun? Who is 
he terrorizing, threatening or hurting or worse? You must have a good 
heart for this young man, whether he's someone else or you, but can you 
see his hurt and confusion is driving him to self-destruct? If this young 
man came to you for advice, what would you tell him? How would you 
help him? If this guy is you, can you learn from your own wisdom and 
listen to your heart? 



Gay Poem 



Love's an unpredictable 

gift from up above. 

You can search but you will not find, 

even if it's always on your mind, 

and you feel like you got left behind. 

Until that one special day 

when you find that person 

that makes it so you can't look away 

and you finally realize your gay. 

-Rainbow, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: This is one of the greatest Beat poems of all time. And 
even though it's kindof silly, it also captures something sweet. We miss 
you already. Rainbow! 



Pressure On My Heart 



Death is watching 

Death is waiting 

For you to be the one to fall 

My prayers are answered at the barrel of the gun 

Gotta pull the trigger 

Gotta end my life quicker 

I'm stuck in this hate getting dragged down 

I was five deep I'm the only one now 

How long will it last for me to be in the darkness 

Running for my life in the land that's heartless 

Cause he died in my arms 

I was looking in his eyes 

He kept screaming I'm sorry mama never meant to lie 

Take care of my kids make sure they grow high 

For eternity now I shall be in the sky 

-Jesse, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: This is a very dark piece. But why do you feel so much 
hate? Can't that hate turn into anything positive? Why do you have 
to make everything so negative? This life is already as negative and 
harsh as it is and all we can do is make it a little easier and better for 
ourselves. 



DIANE MARCIAL RIP 



I found out today that my aunt died yesterday. 

We used to go ice skating. It was fun - she fell on her 
behind and I started laughing. She took me somewhere in 
Hay ward. 

I'm not gonna read this out loud 'cause it's gonna 
make me cry. She used to take me to school, and I used 
to talk to her when I was feelin' down. She used to tell me 
I'm her little angel, when I was like 12 years old. ... she 
was like a mother to me. She's my mom's sister .... When 
I was young she used to sing me lullabies, she made me 
pasole.... 

She died yesterday - she died of a heart attack. ... I 
called my mom today to come to my court date tomorrow 
and she told me. My mom was crying when she told me.... 
I just broke down and cried and I dropped the phone.... 

She was a nice loveable caring person. If she could 
here me now, I would tell her I love her, I miss her, and 
she will always be in my heart. 

-Dominique, Alameda 

From The Beat: It took a lot of courage to write this piece from in the 
middle of your grief, and to share it with the rest of The Beat. We are 
sure that your aunt icnew your love for her, and that her love for you 
will stay in your heart even though she's gone. Let that love help keep 
you strong. 




Love to niif hrother living IH peace 
and to all mt/ loved ones that 
didn't waKe It 

Double 

I have a friend. He thinks like me, looks like me, acts 

like me, but ain't just the same. 
He walks like me, talks like me, but we're on different 

games. 

He has the same name, he has the same last name too. 

While he's at school studying, 

I'm on the block chugging. 

At night, he sits at home with his family and kid. 

Me, I'm just with the homies talking about the crime we 

just did. 
He wakes up in the morning thinking if today's his day 

to find a four-leaf clover. 

Me, I w£ike up in the ciftemoon with the fattest h£ingover . 

But yet we're so the same 

Every thought we think comes out at the same time. 

Our heart beats so equally, it makes a perfect rhyme. 

But then again we're so different 

See, his thought was to live simple and easy 

And mines, well you can say I try to catch the beezies. 

I party and don't think twice. 

And him, he's with family playing monopoly tonight 

Gotta go, time for me to roll the dice. 

-Lefty, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: TWo people in one, but only one can withstand/As Abe 
Lincoln said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand, "/No one of 
u% is just one thing or the other/But there comes a time to choose — 
please yourself, or please your mother/You're wise enough to see the 
complexities in what it means to be human/But are you wise enough 
to avoid the deadly pitfalls that are loomin'?/We hope you can put the 
pieces together and become one/So that you are blessed by the rising, 
and not cursed by the setting %un 



I Get Disappointed 



Living The Doubie Life 



I don't' get that mad anymore because I get 

disappointed a lot. 

My mom and dad are both from a gang, 

my mom and dad used to fight 

about what set me and my brothers were goning to rep. 

My brother didn't pick any of their sets, and my parents 

got mad. My turn was up and I picked my set, 

got ranked in and my biggest disappointment 

was when they said I was cut off. 

My life was over and my mom £ind dad still don't tcdk to me 

as much any more. 

My twin sisters cut me and my parents off, 

she thinks gangs are for stupid low life's 

that don't got any thing better to do with their lives 

then to shoot people, smoke week and get arrested. 

My sisters took the good road 

one of the twins are going to college next year 

with a soccer scholarship and I barley finished the 7th 

grade 
how sad is that. 
-Shannon, Land Of Enchantment 

From The Beat: Shannon maybe your twin knows something? If she's 
doing good and not getting locked up or doing drugs maybe you should 
think about the road you're on and the one she is on. If your other 
sister is going to collage and doing well because she is not in a gang or 
doing drugs maybe you should start listening to your siblings? Maybe 
what they are saying is true? Would you rather be free or be locked up 
because your in a gang and doing drugs? Life is all about choices, its 
time you made the right one. 



Yeah, I live the double life. Growing up the streets took 
over 'cause moms wasn't there. I had to feed myself. But 
I had my granny, a very special person that anyone could 
learn from. 

I've done things in my life that was good, real good. 
Getting my education was one thing that was taught to 
me by that special person, and I prospered from down. I 
wasn't tryin' to have only one chance. I want two. Either 
get my money and take care of my family legit, or do it the 
otha way, hustle. 

My patnas neva get on my line about going to school 
because they my real patnas. They even tell me to go to 
school and do what I gotta do. That's one of the reasons 
why I still hang with them. I want to make my life as 
simple as it can be. 

A goal that I've had ever since I was little was to go to 
heaven, so I know I'ma have to choose. So in life when I'm 
ready and I know I want go back, I'ma turn my life over to 
god, and hopefully my homies will do the same. 

Love to my brother living in peace and to all my loved 
ones that didn't make it. 

-Dontae, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We very much appreciate the honesty of this piece, 
Dontae. There is so much positive here. Not just your desire to finish 
school (which is a must), but also your desire to live sk% simply sk% you 
can, and to go to heaven. Our biggest fear, though, is that by putting 
off the time when you stop the hustle and turn your life to God, you are 
only prolonging the possibility that something bad will happen before 
you make your choice. You know you can't live a double life forever, and 
so we wonder how long you think you have, and how many chances you 
get. You cannot serve two masters, so we urge you to make the right 
choice without waiting until it's too late. 




/HZE 




To The Beat Within 



Yo Beat, this is the homeboy Cost-E-Yone. This week is 
my last week in Juvenile Hall. Next week, I'll be making 
my five-hour flight to Wyoming for the 12-18 month 
Normative Program. With that said, this week I would like 
to throw some shout outs to all those who helped me 
take something from my 6 month stay and helped make 
it livable. But before I get to that let me share a few words 
of wisdom... 

A famous man named Lao-Tse once said, "The journey 
of a thousand miles begins with one step." 

Here's my word of wisdom to all the homeboys locked 
up... Many cats come in here and look at this as a setback 
or a proof of failure. What I want to say if that everyone 
can take something out of this experience. It can only 
hold you back if you let it hold you back. 

For me, being in here has actually taught me a little 
here and there. About two months ago I decided I wasn't 
going to let the system make me feel like a failure. Since 
then I've been trying my hardest to take something from 
my experience so I won't come back. I've decided to make 
this my first step towards my thousand mile journey of 
success. 

Now... for my shoutouts... 

My first shoutout is to The Beat Within. I want to 
thank them for making it possible for youngsters to 
express themselves in words when all others keep trying 
to hold us back. Much Honor and Respect to The Beat. 

My next shoutout is to the staff of SCCJH: Mr. Walker, 
Mr. Matau, Mrs. Gonzales and all of last year's staff from 
B-10. Much Honor and respect. Also I would like to 
send a shoutout to last year's staff of B6, Ms. Joseph, 
Mr. Gutierrez, and all others. The staff at Juvenile Hall 
has helped me change in a small way. That made a big 
difference. Much Honor and Respect. 

Also I would like to send a shoutout to my family who 
has stuck by my side through thick and thin and seen 
potential in me when I could only see darkness. Much 
Honor, Respect, and Love. 

Also a shoutout to all incarcerated. Keep your heads 
up and stay solid! 

And last but not least: a shoutout to myself. My 
self-respect and determination has pulled me through 6 
months of this buUshhh dead time. But it's in me to be 
successful so I won't quit now. Honor and Respect to all. 

-Cost-E-Yone, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: This is one of the most inspiring pieces we've seen. It is 
a courageous thing to be able to use this experience to better your self. 
We icnow that it is difficult to find positives in the Hall, but you have. 
We hope that you have taken your first, second, and third steps of the 
thousand mile journey to success. We Icnow you can succeed because of 
this attitude. Honor and Respect to you, Cost-E-Yone. 




DISAPPOINTMENT 



Have you ever felt the feeling of disappointment? 

When someone tells you one thing and does another? 

Well I have... 

On the 26th I had court and the day before, my PO told me 

for sure I was getting out on drug court. 

But then when I went in front of the judge, 

they told me that I'm going to go out of town for three 

months. 

I was so mad but there was nothing I could do but cry. 

As I continued to cry, 

I knew I was going and all 

I could do was just deal with it and do my time. 

So now as I'm waiting to go, I can't stop thinking of why 

I did this shhh to disappointment myself. 
From the age of 14 to 17, I was running away from home. 

I always blamed it on my mom. 
Now that I'm almost 18, 1 can see that it was all just me. 

-Gloria, Land Of Enchantment 

From The Beat: Although it^ very hard to be sent away from home, it's 
not the end of your world. Being away will hopefully keep you out of 
trouble and out of the system. Not everyone has the chance to go to a 
new place to experience support and treatment, it's all in the way you 
look at it. If you complain about it, you'll do poorly. If you see the 
good it will do you, you will succeed. We hope you make the best of 
your situation. 



Love is Frustrating 



So, love is a difficult thing. 

Especially when the person I love is constantly 
disappointing me. 

My dad has been my biggest disappointment. 

Who leaves their daughter on the porch in the cold all 
night? 

Then doesn't let her in to use the bathroom? 
Damn, that's sad. But you know what? I still keep my 
head up high and am taking care of my shhh. 

As much as some people show me their sympathy, it's 
not me that needs it - it's my dad. I'll be doing shhh big 
while my dad is sitting waiting for his child support chec 
to live off of. Why not get a job and have a paycheck? 

I guess that would be too hard for a lazy ass. 

- Disappointed Daughter, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: The most important thing is that it seems like you are 
not letting the problems with your father get you too down. You can 
recognize that he has his own problems and you are living your own life. 
But remember, forgiving people sets us free. 



So MuGi) Disappointment 



Well there is so much disappointments out there in the 

streets 

Don't let it get to you, just write about it to The Beat 

You can freestyle or let your soul bleed. 

Role it up in one song like you used to roll weed 

But you don't need to smoke weed 'cause you lose your 

brain cells 

It might get you locked down in county jail 

So be smart, think about it, think before you act 

Because it only takes one second and you can end up on 

your back 

And I ain't talkin' about bein' knocked down 

It can be even worse, you can lose your life 

End up in a hearse, so don't let your disappointments 

Get to you keep yo' head up and if you 

Out there on the block ...keep yo' bread up. 

-Lil' T the Freestyle King, Alameda 

From The Beat: You are living up to the name of Freestyle King! Our 
next question to you is how can you "keep yo' bread up" in a legit way, 
so you don't have to end up suffering the way people do out there when 
they face... disappointment? 



/EZ=2 




The Disappointment Problem 

Disappointment isn't the easiest problem to deal with. 
How I deal with disappointment is probably different than 
how others deal with it. I'm used to it. 

I've been disappointed ever since I can remember, 
literally all my years growing up. How I deal with it now is I 
work out to let all the pain out. When I run into a situation 
that doesn't go my way I address my feelings by thinking 
of something positive that will change my feelings and 
turn them around. How I react to disappointment is I 
exclude myself to be by myself. Then I think... try to think 
positive. 

Do I get angry? Sometimes, it depends on the reason 
why I'm disappointed. How I handle my anger is I'll work 
it out or talk it out with someone I trust enough to open 
up to. 

A time I was disappointed is when my whole life 
growing up, off and on, my mom was never capable to 
raise me. She was always very unstable which kills me 
inside 'till this day. 

My thoughts on disappointment to everyone else 
who encounters this feeling: to not let it too deep under 
your skin, if you know what I mean. Try to look at the 
things you have that don't disappoint you or do what I do 
and just work out all the pain. One more thing though: 
always keep your head up through thickness and thin. 
Remember life is like a roUercoaster, it has its ups and 
downs. Just know when you're down, pray to God to give 
you strength to bring you back up if needed. 

All right. Beat, about that time to cut it short. Stay 
up! 

-Floyd Troubles, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: We appreciate the wise words on this topic. We can 
tell you've spent some time thinicing about disappointment. It is very 
encouraging that you have found a way to channel your negative 
feelings through exercise and positive thinicing. This shows great 
maturity and we hope you continue to follow your own advice. 



Let It Rino 



Freedom, let it ring 

From the highs of the mountains 

Shall we all sing 

We might be chained down with whelps on our backs 

But with the courage of our hearts 

We shall change all that. 

"Yeah Master, yeah Master" is what our ancestors went 

through. 

But now there is a new generation 

And freedom is what was given to you. 

Yeah, though there is fear in our hearts for one another 

Remember that once upon a time Martin Luther King 

Had a dream 

That no matter your color. 

That we would love, honor, forgive each other. 

Freedom, let it ring 

From the highs of the mountains, shall we all sing. 

But let us all remember that yesterday is gone. 

And today is a new day where voices are found. 

Let us honor our mothers and fathers 

. . . For I believe that a child is not a child without a home 

Freedom, let it ring 

From the highs of the mountains. 

Shall we all just one day sing. 

-Jordan, Alameda 

From The Beat: "A child is not a child without a home..." this line is so 
true. Did you feel like you had a home? And a childhood? Now that you 
are moving forward into womanhood, how will you personally break 
free of the mental chains that could hold you back? 



DISAPPOINTIVIENT 



Have you ever felt the feeling of disappointment? 
When someone tells you one thing and does another? 

Well I have... 
On the 26th I had court and the day before, my PO told 

me 

for sure I was getting out on drug court. 

But then when I went in front of the judge, 

they told me that I'm going to go out of town for three 

months. 

I was so mad but there was nothing I could do but cry. 

As I continued to cry, 

I knew I was going and all 

I could do was just deal with it and do my time. 

So now as I'm waiting to go, I can't stop thinking of why 

I did this shhh to disappointment myself. 

From the age of 14 to 17, I was running away from home. 

I always blamed it on my mom. 
Now that I'm almost 18, I can see that it was all just me. 

-Gloria, Land Of Enchantment 

From The Beat: Although it^ very hard to be sent away from home, it's 
not the end of your world. Being away will hopefully keep you out of 
trouble and out of the system. Not everyone has the chance to go to a 
new place to experience support and treatment. It's all in the way you 
look at it. If you complain about it, you'll do poorly. If you see the 
good it will do you, you will succeed. We hope you make the best of 
your situation. 



tiow I handle mif anger is I'll 
work It out or talk It ont 
with someone I trust enough 
to open up to. 



Disappointment In My Dad 

The most disappointed I felt was getting stood up by my 
dad. My dad was in jail for most of my life so when he got 
out he always used to say "I'm going to pick you up this 
weekend." I would have my bags packed waiting on the 
porch. As I waited, every 10 minutes he would call and 
say he was on his way. 

Unfortunately most of the time he never came. But 
the only time I seen him was when I was in trouble and 
he would try to play father of the year and come yelling at 
me. After a while when he called and said he was coming 
I wouldn't even get ready knowing to myself he wasn't 
coming. 

Today, me and my dad are more like friends then 
anything else. We cuss around each other, I smoked weed 
in the living with him around. But in some ways we are 
the same: he's on parole and I am on probation; he did 
time, I did time. I am not blaming him for me being in the 
hall, but if he was a parent not a friend I wouldn't be in 
here. 

-Jeremiah, Alameda 

From The Beat: A lot of us here at The Beat have also felt the 
disappointment you spoke of so we know how that is. You just have to 
see things for what they are and not what they seem to be and do your 
best to march down the path you need to be on for your future success... 
with or without your pops around. We can walk baclcwards looking at 
the past and keep tripping over things we can't change and continue 
stumbling and falling, or we can turn around and focus our attention on 
the present and make the future what we want it to be. Thank you for 
stepping up and sharing your thoughts on this topic. 



i^MTc 



7 nn 




//// // 




111 Cai't Rii Firiiir 



L= 



What's up with The Beat? This Drew. Fm up in this max 
thang tryin' to do it moving to Wyoming. I don't know 
anything about Wyoming, so I am about to see what they 
are talking about. 

At first I was gone run once I got out. I'm hearing that 
it's a new program and its co-ed, so I'm about to be there 
with some females so its probably gonna be coo'. I got to 
do nine months to a year and that ain't long at all. It's just 
the fact I don't feel like doing it. 

If this program accepts me, I'm gone be wit' some 
people I mess with, so me and my ninjas just gone knock 
this time out. I just got to say that you can't ran forever. 
Trust me. I tried more than once. Just knock your little 
time and get back to your folks. 

-Drew, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We hope you find other things besides females that 
you didn't expect to find, but which broaden your experience and 
icnowiedge. Deciding not to run is a sign of moving out of childhood 
and into responsible adulthood. Why not write to us when you get into 
the program for a while and tell u% about it — what's good and what 
could be made better. We wish you luck and success. 



Being Responsible 



Cleaning up the county make you feel like a slave, but 
then again it shows you responsibility. I believe that 
not cleaning for moms ain't cool because you may get 
something in return from her. But from the county you 
get nothing, and I know that whatever moms get you, it's 
better than what the county gets you. 

I'm the type of person that'll learn the least I can do is 
to clean for moms, make her happy. 

-Young G, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We agree that cleaning for the county (and for moms) 
can teach you responsibility. We also like that you see that what you get 
by doing for your mom is far more than what you get by doing for the 
county. Now; we hope you gain enough responsibility to find a way to 
stop doing the things that lead you here, so that you can give your mom 
the thing she wants the most — you, at home with her! 



Llvlno Tlie Dnulile Life 



Yes, I live the double life and it can be very hard at times. 
Doing things my mom want me to do, and then doing what 
I feel I have to do to be happy. My mom wants me to go to 
school, which I'm currently not doin' because I'm having 
a need for money more than school. 

I'm only 17 years old, and school always seemed hard 
for me to complete. Plus, (it's hard) with me having the 
urge of wanting to be a dancer, model, actor, and rapper. 
At times I feel I could make it big before I can complete 
school. 

I stay out all day doing work for the family and people. 
Just any type of work for some money. I used to steal, but 
sitting in juvenile hall, I seen that wasn't my route. I'm 
still 17. I'll be 18 in three months. So now I'm finna take 
a acting class. That's going to help me make it to the big 
screen. 

Still work for the family, for money. I'm going to get 
enrolled in adult school. But that's all for now. 

-Lil' Nite, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We appreciate the goals you've set for yourself, and we 
hope you can achieve them. (We didn't know you could study acting 
in adult school, though.) But here^ the thing. The reason you want to 
finish school is that it gives you a foundation to pursue everything else 
you want in life, it gives you the key to a future that doesn't require 
you to steal to get money enough to live. You can study acting/dancing/ 
modeling and still go to school, if you find yourself unable to make it 
sk% skn actor (and we're not predicting that, just saying "if"), and you 
haven't gone to school, you have nothing to fall back on. We want to 
encourage you to go after your dream, but not at the expense of your 
education. 



U 



Serving Tiie Devil 



\ 



Evil is my mind, thoughts are sick. 

The way I think is 6 6 6 

Ain't no Jesus Christ in the mix 

I hope to be the devil's number one pick 

For him to make me his grim reaper 

But I don't play fair, I'ma stay low creeper 

I may not catch you in your sleep 

But I still will lift you off your feet. 

You're waiting for that Jesus you expect to see 

In the hottest, darkest place you'll ever be 

With laughs of my father and me 

This is your after-life for eternity 

I love how he fuels you up with hate 

But all this is is just his bait 

For you to mess up and sin 

He enters your mind in and out, out and in 

Right now I'm locked within these walls 

In this so-called juvenile hall 

I'm away from the well-known streets 

Where the devil makes me play for keeps 

I play on his flaming play ground 

Where no lil' good boys are found 

I left your so-called god my name 

And wrote I'll never look at him with shame 

If he wants we'll go to war 

But he ain't down 'cause we got more 

When the day comes let us loose out hell's door 

I'ma be the first to show that I'm loyal to the devil 

Take any one out that not an evil rebel 

Mess with me I wish you would 

I know your god never could 

Well see you when you're next so see you later 

Oh yeah, forget all you haters 

-Cisco 

From The Beat: We had to taice out some of this poem because we don't 
promote shooting or iciiiing or threatening to shoot or iciii. But you 
have such siciiis that the power of your angry words elevates this to a 
co-pow. In fact, we will go so far sk% to say that skn^one who can write sk% 
well and powerfully sk% you do, doesn't have to serve the dark side... You 
should know that the idea of making a pact with the devil is a very, very 
old one in human art and literature. (Look up "Faust" and see how many 
different writers have played with this theme.) But it might be worth 
remembering, sk% you play, that the devil is the devil, and not you. Which 
means, when you play with the devil, be prepared to be betrayed and 
pay the price. (What you're paying right now is pennies compared to 
what you might have to pay in the future...) For all your pride in being 
you are just a human being, sk% frail and impotent sk% all the rest 
So, be careful what you wish for. You may get it. 



"evil, 
of us 



\ 

tie I 



A Time Of Disappointment 

A time of disappointment is when I got in here, first time 
being locked up. I disappointed my whole family. During 
my first visit I remember my mom crying a river non-stop. 
Even when I called her she was crying. During my visit 
she told me, "You disappointed me." 

My heart felt like it was broken, like I had been in a 
relationship and I was dumped. My heart felt like it was 
ripped out of my chest and I was disowned from my family. 
It was like dis-honored. I almost cried when she told me 
this. I felt really bad and I had nothing to say to her. I 
didn't get angry. I was sad, but I knew it was my fault. I 
want to be released and show everyone that I can change. 
I will not let them down. 

-Vincent, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: There is no worse feeling that letting your mother 
down by not living up to her expectations for you. You are in a life-long 
relationship with your mom, but you haven't been dumped. A mother 
will never dump the son she loves, any more than the son will ever 
dump the mother that he loves. You will be released, so you will be able 
to prove to her — and to yourself — that you are the boy she wants you 
to be, and the man you are growing to be. 



i^MTc 



7 nn 




//// // 




JUVJI 



Juvy is a personal experience, 
from the courtrooms to the closed doors, to the 

handcuffs. 

It depends upon yo' case or yo' attorney and your 

probation officer, should I say. 

They say you in here for a while, 

then weeks and months, it's what come by. 

The days and nights you sit inside of here, it makes you 

wanna cry. 

One phone call ciin't enough and it's the number they select. 

They call us delinquents and don't even know the facts. 

Juvy was my second home, but I changed that around. 

Now I'm right back where I started. Damn, ain't that a 

frown? 

-Brianna, San Francisco 

From The Beat: It is disappointing for you to spend so much time iociced 
up, Brianna, but that doesn't mean you're bade where you started. That's 
up to the "way you thinic, not up to where you are. If your thinicing 
changes, then your situation will follow. You are in control of your 
mind and attitude, not the cops, your attorney, PO or judge. If you've 
fallen, pick yourself up and start walicing again. By the way, we'd love 
you to tell u% the "facts" you %9i^ they don't know when they call you 
delinquents. 



Lite letore Cell Phines 



X 



What's up with The Beat. It's yo' boy Mike writing. Life 
before cell phones is the topic I'ma write about. 

Life before cell phones was phony as hell. Ninjas had 
to sit in the house waiting for females, homies or their 
family to call. Sitting in the house waiting on a phone call 
is a waste of time. You can be out there doing something 
better with your life rather then sitting up waiting for a 
phone call. That's why it's smooth that cell phones came 
out 'cause you can be out on the block and get a phone 
call. 

Cell phones can become a problem, though. People 
get set up by cell phones. That's why you have to be aware 
of your surroundings. That's all I gotta say for this week. 
We all we got. 

-Mike, San Francisco 

From The Beat: (You can be Mike, or BB, but you can't u%e the Beat 
name you've chosen...) So tell u%, what are some of those "better things" 
you could be doing rather than sitting at home waiting for a call. Is it 
possible if you spent more time at home (waiting for calls or not) and 
less time on the block, you might also be spending less time under 
lock? 



Disappointed In Myself 



I'm not anxious to clean another ninja dirty-ass clothes, 
feel me, but I don't have a choice. If I'm on crew, I gotta 
do my job or get 2.5, ya dig. Now I can't say I don't like 
being on crew 'cause a ninja dig being out that room, feel 
me. When staff tell me I'm on crew and to come do my job, 
I jump like a house ninja ,"Yes sir, boss. We's gone wash 
the dishes real good boss." 

But when I was on the outs, I used to be hot sometimes 
when I had to do the dishes or take out the garbage. I 
did it, but I was hot about it when I shouldn't have been 
'cause while I'm in here, I jump at attention when I 
gotta do something with no problem. And that's why I'm 
disappointed in myself. 

-Fed-Up Gloss, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We appreciate your honesty, and the fact that you've let 
this experience open your cye% to see what you owe to the people that 
love you. Of course it's nice to get that special treatment for being part 
of the crew in here, but what you say about jumping up "like a house 
ninja" isn't that far from the truth. You are a kind of slave inside this 
place, and that means you better do what "boss" tells you to do. On the 
outs, it^ just you and those you love, so doing for them should come 
straight from your heart. From what you've written, we think it will 
from now on. 



i I 



U 



Kiss Of DeatI) 



\ 



I seen death before I was able to talk 

Witness bloodshed before I could walk 

Was told that I was going to be in the pen 

Or end up dead in hell and pay for my sins 

Got sent down but then was rejected. 

I feel no remorse 'cause my feelings are dissected 

Diablo tryin' to think what he can do to me 

But I speak the demonic language fluently 

Cold brown eyes, no love, only hate and anger inside 

In heaven I wasn't worthy, so angels I despise 

Knocked Satan off now I own the throne 

Spitting lava outta my mouth like a fountain, homes 

No la vida loca, this called my life of hell 

Pastor Juan held the service and at noon the church bell rung 

Tears of blood, heart cold as ice 

Only if your soul will sin then you you'll get an invite 

Into my temple of doom and receive the kiss of death 

Couldn't sell my soul but the devil steady talkin' in my ear 

He talked too much so I ended throwing him off the tier 

No tears since '95, but that's old news 

Nightmares uncontrollable always end in death and my 

mama singin' sad tunes 

No more faith in god 'cause I only see one set of footprints 

I recognize them as mine so now know why I sin 

Forget fate, me and the lord ain't straight 

Though I love like my mother. Can't help but to think hate 

Think straight with a head, a hood full of screws missin' 

No bars, no guards, just a new prison 

Momma was never on meth, crack or herion 

But people wonder why I got so much hate in my veins then 

I tell you why, 'cause I raised myself 

Can't trust nobody and never asked for help 

I'm one of the few who will likely end up dead 

'Cause the life I live will never end 

Gangsta Shadow also known as a baby boy demon 

'Cause when ever I seen something homicidal or suicidal I 

was always cheesin' 

It's been four years since I lost my first child off this earth 

But my other two kids, I love them until I'm laid in the dirt 

Selena and Angel, daddy loves and misses you 

Be good for abuelita while she takes care of you 

People say, "Why bang and got two kids?" 

That's all I know so I get it how I live 

I love them with all my heart and I won't stop till I get a 

bullet to the chest 
Until the grim reaper comes and gives me the kiss of death 

-Gangsta Shadow 
From The Beat: Such poetic skills must be rewarded/Which is why that 
co-pow we've recorded/But the words you write bring tears to our eyes/ 
As we know that Selena, and Angel and your Abuelita cries/Wishing 
you'd put them ahead of what you describe sk% "all you know"/So that 
they aren't lost too, but have a chance to grow/You %x^ your heart is 
cold and filled only with hate/But we can't believe those words when 
we read of the love you state/No, you have not knocked ^xtsktt off his 
throne/You've only left two loving children to grow up without a daddy, 
living alone/We don't want to be accused of hatin'/But if you think this 
is hell, you should see what they got waitin'/ 



My Juvy Life 



This juvy life ain't shhh. It's not that hard. But I want to 
stop coming back and I am. My mom is tired of coming to 
visit me and she is sad. When I see her, she's in tears and 
I don't like that. But to stop that I have to stop to come 
back. 

"Much love and respect. You will never hear from me 
again, because I am not coming back after I leave. Peace. 

-Sneaky, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We always like to read that this is the last time you'll 
be locked up. If not seeing your mom cry is important, you'll keep that 
promise. Being here may not be hard, but each time you come, you make 
it more likely that the next stop will not be so easy. Now's the time to 
do what you say you're going to do. 



fe 



i^MTc 



7 nn 




//// // 




I Breathe off The Weed 



\ 



Say, mane, the weed help me breathe when I can't 

exhale... 

Fight off the demons that approach me while I dwell in a 

cell... 

With the air stale, damn I miss the beautiful smell... 

I mean, the weed help me breathe, it's just somethin' I 

need 

I never be in denial... shhh I know I'm a fiend... 

It's no excuse for usin' it, it's just the pleasure it 

brings... 

I never stop 'cause I don't want to, I ain't got no reason 

It calm my nerves when I'm hurtin', you know, 

emotionally bleedin'... 

Ninja, the weed help me breathe, slow my whole life 

down 
If you want me to stop, you might as well try to pull a 

kite down... 
When I'm breathin' off the smoke, I let it flow through 

my nose 

My Ps and Qs be on alert, you know I stay on my toes... 

Watchin' everything that's movin', listen to ninjas 

workin' they vocals 

You ain't gotta tell me to stay on my shhh, ninja, I do it 

'cause I'm s'posed to... 

The weed help me be coo', especially if I don't know 

you... 

If I ain't ova and you a snitch, I might try to expose 

you... 

I breathe off the weed, so when you see me, I'm 

weeded... 

As, me to quit, that's like askin' me to stop breathin'! 

-P. Crooks, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We have to give you props for being such a fine poet/ 
Your words are iiice buds from your mind, and you grow it/But still we 
post warnings, and not just for your health/But also the money it costs, 
that which affects your wealth/if your addiction forces you to commit 
other crimes/You'll be ivriting poems behind ivalls, time after time/ Your 
self-medication may be precious to you/But freedom's more precious, and 
you know that to be true! 



Disappointment 



Well, what's up Beat? Anyways, I'm still locked up. I've 
been here in juvenile hall three months now. 

But anyways, what make me disappointed is I got 
locked up my first time and I'm disappointed to make 
my mother cry. But I still love my mother mo matter 
what happened. She will always be in my mind and heart 
forever. 

But another thing that makes me disappointed is I 
have waited patiently and finished all my programs. But 
one thing that don't make me disappointed is staying 
with my family. 

But yeah, anyways I'm going to a group home, but I'm 
not trippin'. It's cool. I just gotta finish the program, go 
to school, get a job, and get diploma because I just want 
my life to be better and stay with my family again when I 
finish my programs. I miss my family a lot and love them 
forever. I will never lose love with my family, forever. I 
always love my family till the everlasting life. 

But anyways, that's all I got to say. Beat. Hopefully 
next time I'll see you later! Stay up! Much respect and 
love. 

-Pablo, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: We can feel hoiw much you love and miss your family, and 
we know they are feeling the pain of being without you. But you have a 
good plan for putting yourself back together with those that you love, 
and that plan is to go back to school and get your education. It is the 
key to the better life you want for yourself. Yes, it is a disappointment 
to lose your freedom, but it is more disappointing if you do it more than 
once. Learn from this mistake, and never make it again! 



N 



I I 



I I 



bi 



M]l Lil' Mamma Bear 



\ 



My lil' mamma is soft and cuddly, but is always ready fo' 
whateva. She speaks her mind, but barely tells me how 
she feels. Me and her have a lot in common, but even 
when she disagrees with me, she don't hold back. And at 
the same time, when she's mad, she is still the baddest 
thing walkin'. 

She teaches me and I teach her. Sometimes I can't 
stand her, but a ninja can't let go. We've been through a 
lot together and apart. We told each otha we'll be together 
'til the block stuff in the middle of the bone. She's 
committed to me as I'm committed to her. My feelings for 
her go deeper than the title she holds. 

Sometimes I don't think she cares, and vice versa, but 
love doesn't always go in your favor. We argue a lot, but it 
always end in, "I love you." 

But what I really like is that she trusts me. I told her 
she can tell me anything, and she did. But me and her are 
the only people alive that know I once told her trust her 
heart because your head is about living and your heart is 
about being alive. Your heart can never betray you, and if 
it led you to look for love where there was none, then it's 
not done leading you. 

The only thing I regret about her is some of the stuff 
that comes out her mouth. But if I woulda listened to her, 
I wouldn't be locked up. I call her my Lil' Mamma Bear 
because when I need a female to turn to, she will always 
be there. I will do anything for her. 

I remember one time one of her friends called me 
'cause she got into it with a ninja 'cause she didn't wanna 
talk to him. I didn't have no ride or nothin', so I got a 
bottle of Bacardi, some 'dro, and my lil' homie Nina, and 
got on the bus and went lookin' for her at 3:00 o'clock. 
That's how close we are, an she'll do the same. 

She don't even drink or smoke. We knew each otha 
since like 2000 or 2001, but I knew her longer then some 
of my dunnys. Anotha thing that bothers me is her cousins 
claim a set that don't like me, and that hard for me an her. 
But we discussed that topic already and it seem like every 
time I read one of these Teri Woods' book, it remind me of 
somethin' we been through. If you read "Deadly Reigns," 
she's Angela as far as the way she acts, 'cause she don't 
take any of my shhh. But I'm out. 

-Young Dunny, San Francisco 

From The Beat: What we iiice most about this description of your 
relationship is that is not the u%usk\, "She's everything I need. She 
completes me. She% perfect." No, instead you go into some of the 
difficulties that every true relationship encounters. It's hard enough 
living with ourselves; it's doubly hard to accommodate another person, 
so it's very important to know that it requires constant effort, sometimes 
giving in, sometimes not, but always loving. Good for you to be mature 
enough for a mature relationship. Now, if you could only find a way to 
stay out of places Iiice this, you could give that relationship a chance to 
grow and mature. 



Disappointment 



\ 



Bullets flying, 

Homeboys dying. 

Once again a disappointment. 

Sitting in a cell. 

Waiting for some mail. 

Another disappointment. 

It seems everyday is a disappointment now days. 

Why wake up to face disappointment? 

-Mona, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: Good question. So, start making some changes. Start 
expecting more of yourself. Set some goals, realistic goals. Each day, 
make a bit of progress toward achieving your goals. Even in juvy 
you can move closer to them. Read yourself silly. Fill yourself with 
knowledge. Spend today wisely and waking up will be a pleasure, not 
a disappointment. 



fe 



i^MTc 



7 nn 




//// // 



Doin' It For Moms 



What's poppin' with The Beat, dawg? Yeah, y'all know 
it's that one and only Iggs the kid. Better known as Yesay, 
you heard me. This would be my first time really writing 
about one of the topics fo' real, 'cause this one really 
caught my attention, dawg. 

Ninjas in here would be glad to clean up this whole 
stinkin' building real quick, but when moms tell us to 
take out the garbage or wash some dishes, we got 700 
reasons on why we don't want to feel like doin" shhh, but 
hop up quick is shhh when they call you for crew. 

The reason for that though is that we be tryna get 
out that box and get fat plug on the food or on the phone. 
Ninjas know how it is, dawg. 

But say round, when a ninja get out, brah, I'ma wash 
some dishes brah. Just for moms, straight up dawg. I'm 
gone though Beat. In a minute, round. 

-Young Iggs, San Francisco 

From The Beat: You make it very clear why you'd agree to be on the 
clean-up crew, because you get benefits for doing it. Are there benefits 
for doing the same at home (not counting the benefits to your mom?). 
What do you think you will get out of washing some dishes and helping 
your mom at home, once you get out of here? 



Cholo Life 



Too many fallen casualties and pain from insanity 

Drop dead look, another tragedy 

Pano was tied around his bleep and he dissected his 

vida once mo' 

Flashback of the last tracks as he threw up his guts on the flo' 

Mira, he got the maliaz 

And can you see him shakin' like he's got a seizure 

Talkin' homicidal but he can't walk without out holdin' 

on to the walls 

Suicidal tendencies, naw, he just wants to kill 'em all 

By the calculations of his math, was messed up, he 

almost died 

Six days cind five nights was how long the vato stayed high 

Not even 15 years young, too far from sprung 

I rather give up a lung smokin' purple than have it 

controlling my tongue 

Jumped into the ranfla, skidded to the barrio 

Spot some rucas from the other side, but I didn't talk to 

them though. 

Mi vida loca cuetes unleashing bailas 

And to me doin' trempo es nada. 

Chale carna,l don't you got two kids 

Simon, homie, but I can't stop doing my bid 

I'm pinta-bound and a soldado por mi estado 

The huda tryin' to wash me along with the chotas and 

narcos 

I get so much love from the valley to the bay 

What can I say except te amo golden state 

From the west to the este, homies puttin' down. 

And all my homies know what the motto is, and we do it 

until we in the ground 

Since a young vato, I've known to be loco 

Now 17 years old, a down-ass soldado 

Out all day so call me concrete 
A cholo until I'm put in eternal sleep 

-Gangsta Shadow, San Francisco 

From The Beat: If you were jumped in by older boys with a plan/You 
can jump out by thinking for yourself, like a man/If the cops and narcs 
are tryin' to wash you, and take you from your daughters/It's you that's 
giving them all they need, the dirty soap and water/You say doin' time 
for you is nada/But what is it those who call you "Fatha"?/We're not 
impressed by the job of soldiers, and that's a fact/Whether here on these 
mean streets or in the streets of lra(|/The soldier's job is take orders and 
die by the sword/While those handing out the orders smile and claim 
their reward/We wish you'd see things sk% they could be, before you blow 
it/Because this world is desperate for what you are, a damn fine poet! 




mpcj 



\ 



Well let's see what a dunny like me gone write about 
today. Oh yeah, check this out, tell yo' roommate I said 
talking dead, real talk. I'm Anna tell y'all 'bout my young 
dunnies just 'cause I love my ninjas. Me and my dunnies 
been through hell and back, but my dunnies, we there fo' 
each otha and for ourselves. 

But let me tell y'all 'bout this series of events and how 
some ninjas really ain't yo' real ninjas. Look, me anotha 
dunny and another ninja was on the bus, right. So it's 
this lil' ninja on the bus, but he claim what he claim, 
right. So where I'm from and where he from don't really 
get along, so since he young, we just playin' with him 
talking shhh to him. 

So we Anna get off, and it's like other people from 
where the lil' dude from, so we exchange our lil' words 
or whateva. But we wasn't gone get off an get jumped, so 
we get off an' we see some of the homies drivin' by. So 
we instantly flag him down, tell him our plans and I get 
my lil' bone crusher CD out the trunk, but wasn't even 
trippin' off them ninjas. 

So we go to the lil' bank, but the police drove by, so I'm 
thinking like if I would'a did something, most definitely I 
woulda got caught by the police or worse. So the like two 
days later, we by Super Save and see two of the dudes that 
was talking whateva they was talking 'bout, an' one of 
they lil' females. But now it's two dunnies and some mutt 
we be hangin' with, an' I say that 'cause if we woulda got 
into it, he woulda got ghost, and he older than me an my 
otha dunny. 

But I guess the dudes we was beefin' with didn't like 
how we came back down there, so now he just wanna 
try to help his lil' homie earn some stripes so he can get 
known 'cause he was new to the situation. And the dude 
that was doin' all the talking, we been getting into it for 
years, an' he like three years older than me. He just got 
out not too long ago, so he like my young homie, would 
go ones with anyone of you ninjas right now. 

So my side like it's whateva. But I looked at him 
like he don't really wanna fight, he just don't wanna be 
a sucka. But him thinking that that was his homie, he 
didn't even do nothing. But he wanted to be known so 
bad he got killed on the street he wanted to be from, and I 
ain't even tryin' to be funny 'bout this. But that's messed 
up, 'cause he didn't even know who he was tryin' to beef 
with, just wanted to fit in. 

I wrote this 'cause I'm tryin' to make yo'self known 
usually ends up the same way. I didn't hand pick and 
choose where I'm from, it just happened. I'm still alive 
'cause I wasn't rushin' fo' my name to ring bells. I rather 
get whispered about so everybody stop recruiting all 
these new faces 'cause it ain't meant for everybody. 

It really ain't meant for nobody, it's just that some 
adapt to stuff. RIP CJ, an' he ain't even the homie. 

-Young Dunny, San Francisco 

From The Beat: It^ really that last sentence in this long piece that 
elevates it to a CO-POW. Living and dying the way so many young 
people do, like you said, is not meant for anybody. It's a deadly game 
with no winners, only losers. One side takes out a human being or two, 
the other side retaliates, and on and on it goes. Each individual could, 
but the luck of birth and family situation, be on the other side just sk% 
easily. It's sk% in^stne as any war anywhere. You've written a long piece, 
and yet we still can't quite understand what went down that someone 
had to die over. How many weeping mothers whose lives will never 
the same will it take before enough is enough? 



k 



"J 



.Jt alK't meaftt for everifhodif.,. It 
tea I I If alH 't meant for mMtf. . . 



i^MTc 



7 nn 




//// // 



\ 



The Lie, Living A Double Life 

I just want to talk about how I live a double life. Let me see 
- where do I start? 

All right - ever since I grew up I have lived a double life 
because when I was growing up I always wanted to be in a 
gang. I thought if I did get put on to be in a gang that I would 
earn respect, trust, power, weapons, drugs, girls, money and 
many other things. 

So one day I got locked up and I met two gang members 
I used to look up to and I asked them what do I have to do to 
be a part of your hood? They told me that I had to put in work 
on a few people, so I did. I beat the hell out of my roommate. 
Then they said it was ok to be part of the hood and I said 
ok. 

So on Saturday, during searches, they came up in my 
room and asked me: are you ready? And I said ok, so they 
beat the shhh out of me. So then I was in. But to make a long 
story short, I lied to my family and told them I don't bang 
anymore. 

When I was at home I was a good kid, but on the streets 
I was a gang member, and it messed up my life. Well, I got to 
go. Peace. 

-Rodney, Santa Clara 
From The Beat: Rodney, don't VLse that word - "peace", unless you mean 
it. There's no peace in the gang. Just to be in it you have to get the crap 
icnociced out of you. You admit it's messed up your life. You can bet it's 
messed up the lives of the others in the gang, too. Do you know what 
kind of life you want? Do you want a messed up life, if not - step back. 
Think deeply about what you do want. There are lots of people who can 
help you get where you want to go, peacefully. 



From Madness 
to Success 

From Madness to Success 
It's all in the mind 



Think about what you gon' do 

You either be successful 

Or keep bangin' with that 

crew 

I know it's hard 

Without moms 

Or pops 

But your mind 

Got to be strong, 

Order to stay on top 

We just young black 
Men, who need some 



X 



Love 

So instead of gettin' 
Mad at each other, 
Give a ninja a hug. 



Just think about 

When you in yo' 

Cell at night, 

And you think about 

How much time you 

Got and say damn 

I wanna change my 

Life. 

Well guess what, 
It's only right 
-Lil' Dee, Alameda 

From The Beat: We hope you 
follow your very good advice in 
this piece - and next time you 
have a chance to do right (by 
your block, by your family, by 
yourself), take it! 



The Disappointment Blues 

What is disappointment to you? 

Disappointment to me is when you go to a closed store. 
Disappointment is when your mom cries in court. 

Disappointment to me is putting myself in this position. 
Disappointment is when someone else controls your life. 
Disappointment is when you only bathe for five minutes. 
Disappointment is when you can't get up and go to the icebox 
when you want. 

Disappointment is when you can't see your family. 

Disappointment is when you wear county sneakers. 
Disappointment is when you have to call your family collect. 
Disappointment is when you get out and can't get a job. 

What is disappointment to you? 

-Solomen, Alameda 
From The Beat: Disappointment to u% is when we see intelligent young 
people like yourself keep coming back into juvenile hall wasting your 
life, instead of putting your minds to good use at school and doing 
other productive things lAfith your lives! 




U 



Tte "B" Word 



\ 



You say a conversation goes away? I disagree. The 
oldest way of keeping knowledge and tradition is by word 
of mouth, telling stories and fables to teach morals and 
tradition. A conversation is a fluctuating script and acting 
was one of the earliest forms of art. 

Since arriving here I've heard nothing but "b's and 
"h's" The children always brag about how many "b's" 
they "got, when they ask how many I have my response is 
always "none." 

I wouldn't ever want a girl with low enough self- 
esteem to allow me to refer to her as a "B". I have the 
companionship of a beautiful young woman. That's all I 
want. 

-Kai, Alameda 

From The Beat: Both your points are well taken, especially that last 
one about the young women and girls and the names they get called, 
or allow themselves to be called. Why and how do you think that even 
happens to begin with? 



Ml lite 



\ 



Well my life started by being cool, but until the age of 8 
when my mom passed away. I was going through it and it 
still goes through my mind when people talk about their 
moms. 

In 6th grade, I met my friend that now he's my 
best friend. We were both skaters until one day we got 
introduced to the gang. Then, I started wearing gang 
clothes. When I was wearing all the gang clothes, I started 
chilling with older homeboys that showed me a lot of 
respect. When I was chilling with them, I got into their 
'hood at the a younger age. Well now I'm still 

in the gang and how they say once you're in there's no 
ways out. I started going against my rivals. When I got 
caught by the police, I ended up in juvenile hall. 

Pee-Wee, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: We are sorry for your loss. We understand how hard it 
must have been for you to grow up without the warmth of a mother. 
But, now you have to stop what you are doing and think about your 
life for a minute. This is not the life you deserve. Think about it! There 
are many who have gone through hard ones and have turned their lives 
around. They are now living a normal and better life. You can be another 
one. Gangs won't take you anywhere and you'll find out sooner or later. 
Might sk% well before than late. There is skWtsk^s a way out! Aliways! 



Disappointment 



It happens a lot. 

It's something that happens so often 

that most people expect it more than they expect what 

they want. You walk in class expecting easy work. 

Disappointment. 

You go home expecting no chores. Disappointment. 

You see a girl you like, and ask her out. Disappointment. 

You do a crime and think you get away. Disappointment. 

You wish you could live forever. Disappointment. 

The list can go on forever because it's so common, 

but if you take all these disappointments and learn from 

them 

it would get harder to get disappointed. 

Not saying it still won't happen, because it will. 

But take it as a lesson. I've been disappointed too many 

times, 

but if you're strong, you can keep your head up. 

So to all you Beat readers, 

learn from your disappointments and keep your head up. 

Till I write again. 

-Big Keno, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: Well said BK. Life is a mix. And disappointments part of 
it. It's how we handle it that counts. And we can learn to minimize the 
disappointments by learning to make wiser choices. 



t 



i^MTc 



7 nn 




//// // 



\ 



Disappointment 

I really don't deal with disappointment. I get angry more 
than disappointed. What really makes me mad is when 
people tell me that they are going to do something, but do 
something else. I hate that. That is really irritating. 

But anger is a different. The way I deal with anger is 
screaming in my pillow, throwing things, and acting like 
a brat. 

My father disappoints me a lot. Ever since I was a baby, 
he's been a disappointment, so I don't even consider him 
being a father or a daddy. He is basically just a sperm 
donor. He just contributed to my existence. That is the 
biggest disappointment ever. But, yeah, I hate being 
disappointed. 

-Knhwj, San Francisco 

From The Beat: You definitely have good reasons to feel disappointed in 
the man who wants to call himself your father but who doesn't meet stny 
of the definitions of "father" other than his contribution to your genetic 
make-up. (Unfortunately, this is far too common ivith far too many men.) 
But we're most interested in that first reason for disappointment, with 
those who say they're going to do something but don't do it. We wonder, 
have you ever said you weren't going to come to juvenile hall? Or you 
wferen't going to get caught by the police? Or you were going to make 
changes that you didn't follow through on? in other words, are you ever 
disappointed in yourself? 



\ 



Disappnlnted In Myseif 

r ma kick y'all a little disappointment story. It was 
about two months ago when I was attending Tennyson 
High School. I knew most of the girls and dudes there, so 
about one month into school I start doing the most. My 
patnas was influencing me hella much. Basically I was 
scrapin' with the wrong crowd. 

I'd just got out from doing 19 months and I was 
trying to beat probation, ya dig? But in my environment 
it's always that violent boy vibe. That's what gets me in 
trouble. 

But anyways, one day I was walking to lunch and I 
asked this goni lala that I knew since middle school to 
buy me a lunch. Then she started cursing me out. I was 
going along with it, but after about five minutes I started 
to realize she was serious. After I noticed she was taking 
it too far I told her like this: I was just playin' sis. I got a 
baf in my pocket. But she kept calling out my name and 
disrespecting me to the flfth.. So I entered her face. We 
were both arguing for like 10 minutes. That when I said - 
look ma, if you call out my name one more time I'm 'bout 
to slap the dog shhh out of you. And she kept up with 
it, trying to make me look dumb in front of everybody at 
lunch. Then she called me the b word. After that it was a 
wrap. I gave her a right hook to the face, then a left to the 
chin. 

Although I was angry at the time, now that I'm locked 
up, I really want to apologize to that girl. I should never 
have put my hands on a female, because if it wasn't for a 
female, I would never have been here. 

So, to all the females in the world - I apologize for 
disrespecting you in any way, shape, or form. Y'all the 
most beautiful creation God made. 

I'm most disappointed in myself for letting her get to 
me. I know I'm bigger than that, plus I was on my a-game. 
Now I'm gonna know where my ego will put me next 
time. 

To all, keep it solid! Good night Beat readers. 

-Phatty, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: That was a hard lesson, P. We hope the young woman 
you assaulted is OK. And we hope you'll learn to just walk away from 
gnarly situations like that. Walking away from trouble is often more 
courageous than jumping into it. Work on controlling yourself young 




U 



Mis Consejns Hacia Ti 



\ 



No le tengo envidia a las demas personas. En la otra 
parte, me conformo con lo que Dios me ha dado. Les doy 
un consejo, conformensen con lo que Dios les ha a dado 
y no scan inconforme. 

En mi vida, a mi me hubiera gustado escuchar los 
consejos de las personas mayores. Ahora les dare unos 
consejos: no se metan a los vicios de las drogas. Alejensen 
lo mas que puedan de esos vicios. 

Otro consejo es que busquen a Dios. El si te dara lo bueno 
y lo mejor. El tiene cosas grandes para ti. El ama. El tiene 
planes para ti. El te dara vida eterna. 

Obedece a tus padres, respetalos, hazle caso, has el 
bien y no mires a quien. Hazlo sin recibir nada a cambio 
porque hoy tii haces un favor mafiana te pueden hacer 
uno a ti. Escoje el camino del bien para que en el dia de 
mafiana, puedas ser alguien en la vida. Suerte! 

From The Beat: Que lindo consejos! ^Quien o que te inspiro a dar estos 
consejos? Esperamos que tal como ellos tu tambiena aprendas sobre 
esos mismos consejos. No te desvies del camino bueno en que sknAskS. 
Vas por buen camino, te deseamos lo mejor tambien. 



My Advices Tn Ynu 



I don't envy other people. On the other hand, I am satisfied 
with what God gave me. I'm going to give you an advice, 
be pleased with what God has given you and don't be 
unsatisfied. 

In my life, I would have liked to listen to the advice 
of other older people. Now, I'm going to give you another 
advice: don't mess with drugs. Get as far away as you can 
from those bad habits. 

Another advice would be to look for God. He will give 
you what's good and the best. He has big things planned 
for you. He will give you eternal life. 

Obey your parents, listen to them, do what's right 
and don't look back to others. Do it without expecting to 
receive something back because if today you do a favor, 
tomorrow they might do you one. Choose the right road, 
so the day of tomorrow you can become someone in life. 
Good luck! 

-Francisco, San Francisco 

From The Beat: Those are good and wise advices. Who or what inspired 
you to give these advices out? We hope you to learn from those advices 
as well. Don't misguide yourself from the good road you are heading. 
You're on the right road. We wish you the best. And we also hope 
someone get your point. 



Wiiy Did I Cause My Mnm so Mucli Pain? 

My dad is like a stranger 'cause the only person 

whoever took care of me was my mom. My dad would 

walk in and out of my life like a stranger. 

He didn't do anything to support me, but my mom did so 

much for me. 
I caused her too much pain by getting locked up, getting 
high and drunk, doing crimes, involving myself in gangs. 
Now I regret what I did 'cause now I'm in juvi and I have 

time 

to think about how much pain I caused her. 

This goes out to my mom. 

I want her to know that I love her and no one could ever 

replace her. 

-Lil' Moose, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: Throughout your piece, we can imagine how hard your 
mother has done to raise you without any support. We think it's time for 
you to start giving back to her some of the effort she has done for you. 
You know what you can do to pay all she has done for you. Touch your 
heart and you'll know. Good luck! We're proud of your mom like you are. 
Now make her proud of you. 



i^MTc 



7 nn 




//// // 



She Got The Kid Wide Open 

Baby we just hung up, talked about so much, but it was 

only fifteen/thirty minutes just hearin' yo' voice, 

keeps me from giving out beatin's 

When lights say eyes out, me and you together is what I see 

Some say you got me wrapped but in reality I'm not sure 

but I do know 

She got The Kid wide open 

People never wanted us together. 

But look at us four and a half months later 

And they still hatin' 

Fm not worried 'bout none of it, I know how you feel. 

And you've always kept it real with me and at first I 

never saw s more than friends got shot down first try but 

got up and tried gain 

She got the kid wide open 

While I sit in this room in between classes, 

I close my eyes and I see a cute smile deserving more 

I'm gon' try my hardest 

Even if it messed up any and everything else 

Cause right now all that matters is us 

She got the kid wide open 

We've been together for a cool minute 

Most of it me bein' locked down 

But you still stay by my side through it cdl even moms 

say we should be together after £dl that's happened so 

everything else to me don't matter what everybody else say 

She got the kid wide open 

When I'm totally out, through doin' a lot now with you 

on my side, sayin' I'm forever ride or die 

So I'm gonna make it long as possible to keep you in my 

world... my life, my everything so just no it's me and you 

till the end of time 

'Cause she got The Kid wide open. 

-Lil' Solid, Alameda 

From The Beat: There's a saying "Before you can say 'I love you', you 
have to be able to %x^ the 'i'." Meaning, can you give this girl the love 
she deserves and needs without getting your own life together? Do you 
have your own life together? Because in this poem you %x^ you'd "mess 
everything else up" to make it work. But is that a good idea? 



Howl Handle Thinys 



■X 



How you doin'? Me? Great. Just chillin' in the halls! Not goin' 
anywhere soon... So anyhow, to answer your questions: 

How do I address my feelings? I keep everything to 
myself, so I basically don't address my feelings. 

How do I react to disappointment? Sometimes I get 
irritated and sometimes I feel let down and hurt, torn. 

Do I get angry? Of course, who doesn't? 

How do I handle my anger? I sometimes wait 'til I'm alone 
and I cry aloud and throw a tantrum, or I just keep it bottled 
up and ignore it. 

You want to know a time I was disappointed? Let's see. 

So one time I was talkin' to my sister on the phone, and she 

promised me she would come visit me on Saturday an' bring 

me some hot Cheeto Puffs and a Pepsi. When that day came, 

she didn't show up. And another time I was talkin' to my 

father on the phone and he told me that he would be in the 

city and that he would call me. So I waited a few days and 

when I called him, he didn't answer his phone. So I called my 

uncle an' found that he had been in the city for three days 

and he was at his son's house. 

-Titi, San Francisco 
From The Beat: You know, Titi, you don't have to answer each question 
we ask to write a good Beat piece. You just have to take the topic, think 
about it, then write the way you want to explain what you want to say. 
Still, we appreciate that you took this topic seriously and gave u% good 
examples of your disappointments. It seems like what disappoints you 
most is when people don't keep their word, so can we ask you if you've 
given your word not to come back here? Will you disappoint yourself? 
We hope not. 




U 



Day Dreamer 



\ 



See, girl I am not here to tell you no BS lies. 

I am here to keep it real, and tell you, you look real fly. 

You know I don't mean to be rude but I can't help but 

tell you, 

you look real good in those apple bottom jeans. 

Don't get the wrong idea, that's not why I came over for. 

I came over to talk to you 

My purpose here today is just to get to know you. 

I am not like all those other clowns who just want to get 

in those jeans. 

See me on the other hand, 

I am the type of guy who wants to get to know you. 

Be your friend, be your man. 

And even possibly see us in the future with a nice 

family, 

Livin' in a three story house with a white picket fence 

And a dog named Spike. Wow.... 

I can't believe I am daydreaming about me and 
Kimberly right now in Math class. Wow, I got to get a 
hold over myself right now, because she is way out of my 
league, and she is the most popular girl in school, and I 
am just a low life from the ghetto. She's a rich girl who 
moved here from Orange County, so I know I can't be her 
type. I bet her type is tall, tan with muscles, and comes 
from a wealthy family 

I have one thing and that's the brains, looks and 
the personality. See this girl is between Alisha Keyes 
and Cassy off of Bad Boy Entertainment, she has the 
measurements of 34C, 23, 34, but that's not all she stands 
for. She also likes sports and has a great personality, and 
is down-to-earth, she's very smart, and there's me, a kid 
who loves to dance, who likes to keep my head in the 
books, likes to skateboard, and I like to shoot at things 

- in paintball tournaments !~ 

"HELLO! Excuse me, Mr. S! Are you paying any 
attention right now?" 

Ah shhh, I am in it for now, stay tuned to see what's 
going to happen to Corey in his encounter with the 
teacher in class. 

-Corey, Alameda 

From The Beat: We'll be waiting for Part 2, and you are ANYTHING but 
"a low life from the ghetto" and if you just stay true to who you are, 
the real you, you will find the girl of your dreams eventually. Just wait 

- true love will find you! 



Dealino with Anger 



It's hard you know, dealing with anger. But it can be 
handled because anger isn't necessarily bad; anger can 
help you sometimes and protect the ones you love. 

One time my cousin and I were walking home from a 
quincefiera and I stopped to light up a cigarette. 

My cousin went along when I looked up again and 
saw two others come up and hit him in the face and right 
there I lost it. I ran up and knocked out the first person 
then grabbed the other off my cousin and just let loose, I 
mean badly. 

Afterwards I looked at my hand and saw the cigarette 
had burned my hand and my white tee was full of blood. 
After I helped my cousin up and he was like, "damn, those 
fools were like twenty, twenty-two!" 

I was like, "I ain't never gonna let no one no matter 
how big, mess with you!" 

-Stefon the Don, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: Anger is a powerful motivational tool. We all Icnoiv what 
it^ like to "lose it". All of the sudden, skn inner switch is turned on and 
we act almost without thought. Using anger sk% a source of strength can 
take you a long way, but it has its limits. What happens in a situation 
that angers you but requires you to think calmly and logically to survive? 
How would you handle this Stefon? 



i 



i^MTc 



7 nn 




//// // 



My life 



I started to be in the system when I was about 10 or 

II years old. I lived in San Jose and was chilling with 
my homies and got caught up for burglary, which wasn't 
worth it. 

Well, I was around my uncles and I started smoking 
stoggies when I was 10. After that, I turned to weed when 
I was about 11. 

My family was into slanging pills, meth, weed, 
anything - and that's where I'd get my connects from. 

I started poppin pills when I was 12 years old and I 
just got addicted. 

I got into my first fight when I was in the 4th grade. My 
uncles and cousins came through and since I was raised 
around guys, they'd tell me to beat her ass or I'd get my 
ass hurt by them. I smashed on the chick and since then, 
my love for fighting grew. 

Since I'm half Vietnamese and Mexican, I grew up 
with different gangs and I was well-respected and known 
around the hood. 

I later took on the family business of slanging drugs 
when I was a young teen. 

I have gotten into more and more fights and been 
charged with "assault with battery" charges. One day a 
guy from a rival gang disrespected me and my homies 
picked me up and saw the fool walking, got out of the car 
and stabbed him. I later was charged for another assault. 
I was on house arrest for months and I got into another 
fight that led me here. Well I guess I'm gonna continue 
later. Keep ya head up! 

-Krissy, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: Maybe you ran out of time when you were able to talk 
about the future and how you want to change, because that seems to 
be missing. But after hearing about your family history and your past, 
wre lAfonder hoiw you see yourself and iwhat you have learned from being 
locked up. 



I I I I III 



I I I I I I I 



M]f Rhyme 



Yo check out my rhyme 

It'll be just a minute of your time 

Right now I wish I can smoke a dime 

But I know it's a crime 

'Cause now I'm sittin' here in a cell 

Startin' to look pale 

Thinkin' I'm in hell 

But I'm really in a teenage jail 

I know I never wanted any of this shhh 

And now I'm a ninjette stuck in the pit 

Now there's a goal I wanna set 

It's to quit play'in with buUshhh 

Even though my parents don't care about me 

I'm gonna succeed and be what I can be 

'Cause at the end its gonna be them needin' me 

And I ain't gonna be there to hear their plea 

Well let me tell you how it is behind these walls 

It's hard when every one reject my calls 

With hands behind my back as I walk threw these halls 

Now I know not to be breakin' them laws 

- Shenee, Land Of Enchantment 

From The Beat: It was a very good rhyme, but now its time to do sk% you 
say. Succeed change your life and stay out of these teenage jails, 
the right path to a better life 



, Find 




Stuck 



\ 



I was raised on these blocks 

Clock's always cocked 

Running from cops and slanging these rocks 

Bustin' shots fools get popped 

Homies get locked snitches get dropped 

Homies down to ride 

Homies in the varrio never bark but always bite 

Always takin' flight keep this game locked tight 

Put in jail for the varrio fight 

For what I think is right 

Livin' it fast getting' killed young 

That's how it is when you pick up that gun 

Puttin' in work in for the C's now he lays six feet deep 

It was a ugly murder seen 

Now his homies on the creep they lookin' for vengeance 

They lookin' for me 

This shhh ain't gonna stop 'till I D.I.E. 

'Till I'm in my casket in eternal sleep 

But I stood for the hood through the bad and the good 

Puttin' it down for the varrio like the way that I should 

I got love for my family 

I got love for my friends 

We gonna get through this bull 'till we get to the end 

Im gonna try to do good, but I'm stuck like a hook 

I'm just another soul in this world that got stuck in the 

hood 
- Lil' Vago, Land Of Enchantment 

From The Beat: Interesting rap Vago, but keep in mind if you glorify 
gangs, drugs and violence it will get only one of two thing. Death or 
prison. Don't be just another soul stuck in the hood; make a change to 
better your life. Pull your hook and find a better life then the one you 
have been living. 



ou I 



That One Day 



u 



I feel like I can't go on 

I feel like I'm in this world alone 

I close my eyes and wish I was home 

Then I open them and that feeling is gone 

Thinking, how did I end up this way? 

Remembering, it all started that one day 

Wishing I could turn back the hand of time 

Now wishing I didn't commit that crime 

All these thoughts run thru my mind 

That's all I do is think 'cause I have nothing but time 

Reminiscing on all the fun times I had 

Getting pissed off at the world 'cause I never had a dad 

Funk it I don't need that ninja 

Him being gone made me more strong and bigger 

Now I got a family of my own 

Time to stop acting childish and start acting grown 

I'm going to change for multiple reasons 

For my girl, my baby, and my moms so her pain could 

start easing 

A lot of people tell me that I'm someone 

Special is this why I get tempted by the devil? 

I don't know only time can tell 

Whether I go to heaven or burn for eternity in hell 

But I know one thing 

My love for you will never fell. 

-Yj, Santa Clara 

From The Beat: We all wish to turn back time to fix our errors or to never 
have done it. Unfortunately that's impossible, but the bright side about 
it is that we learn from those mistakes. Learning from those mistakes, 
make u% see the consequences negative actions come with. Like you 
said, you don't need a dad because you already have your own family. 
You are the man of the house and they need home. You are a father 
and your kid deserve to a father you didn't have. Break the cycle and 
don't spin. Everything is possible when having motivations. And you 
see many throughout this writing. 



fe 




agnnnnnE wmwmim 




^mammmmmmF ^^^/^^ 



Disappointment in Otiiers 



^ 



I get disappointed when ninjas not solid, when they brag 
about what they do. When people do something and get 
caught up and snitch on ninjas, that shhh get me hella 
disappointed. But yeah, that's why I don't [have] friends... 
nothing but family. 

- Nacho cheese 

From The Beat: Snitching is just a part of that thing cat's iceep calling 
"the game." You don't know who's who until the system throws out that 
twenty-five years with stn L and says tell u% everything or else. All of 
that hard, goon, gangsta crap flies out of the window and reality sets 
in real quick. But cats keep playing though. Wake up and worry about 
you! 



in Tal(e 



\ 



What's up Beat? 

In and out of jail in this little cell 

Thinking what the hell don't get no bail 

Saying "damn I failed" 

A knock on the window you got mail 

Sleeping and dreaming 

Females are singing, phone keeps ringing 

No release. No walk down your street. 

Nobody to say there's little Reese the beast 

Because camp is my release. 

-Reese 

From The Beat: Sounds like a case of the "jail house blues!" Better times 
are ahead. When they come, don't forget where you were and how much 
you don't want to go back there. 



A Big Ciiange Is Coming 



N 



I've only got three and a half months left to be here, and 
then I get released. June 10, 2008, I'll be 18. 

I've been coming here since 2004, five years non-stop. 
I've learned a lot through these five years. I've been on 
every type of probation, eight group homes, and cut from 
every single one. I lived fast and raw, I've had a sick life, but 
I'll be 18, and that means I'll have a lot of responsibility ... 
I'll be a man. I got to take care of my family... man I might 
get out and have three kids! I'm going to go to school 
adult school. 

In Redwood City then I'll go to Skyline College to get 
certified as a mechanic and then it's straight to work, I 
got to keep gangbanging separate from daily life ... I got 
to keep my head up and make a change. I'm in love with 
my hyna, and I won't say her name, plus no one needs to 
know her, but me. 

-Smokey 

From The Beat: It sounds like you have a plan to make it, and that's a 
beautiful thing. But can you really keep gangbanging "separate" from 
daily life, with everything it requires and how much warfare it brings 
in? What about giving it up entirely? If you are serious about what you 
I %«y in this piece, that is what you will have to do. Peace. i 



Life Before I Haii Ceii Piione! 



X 



Man I remember back when I was almost a teen, I use to 
have to get those important calls from my girls. I use to 
have to be at my house damn near all day. Man, my mom 
use to always complain about me being in the house J 
talking on the phone to girls all day. I 

But after that my mom bought me a cell phone and it 
was over! Man I always was on my Metro... Man I stayed 
talking to hella different females. 

- Mee Too 

From The Beat: And noiv? Hmm, maybe that cell phone iwasn't so cool 
after all. If you'd stayed talking on the house phone "all day" and not 
out running around getting into trouble you'd still be chopping it up 
out here and not in there. Come on home and get on point Man. Time 
to stand up. 



U 



Disappointment 

When I am disappointed I be depressed. 

-Edward 

From The Beat: Okay, that's a good start... and when you're depressed 
what do you do to get rid of it: exercise, write, cry, fight, sleep-it-off? 
What do you do? 



ird I 



Love Can Hort 



3, '07 I found 1 
tien I lost my " 



Let me tell you 'bout my love life! On Dec 06 
the love of my life! Well , Dec. 6 was when 1 lost my 
virginity to this boy named Bones.... After me and him 
done, I felt a connection I never felt before. ... Right then 
I knew I really loved him. But I have to admit love is 
complicated and mixed with pain, and when I first lost my 
virginity to him I didn't even go out with him until Jan. 18, 
'08. But the thing that hurt me the most is when he went 

ito Juvenile Hall, in a week... after I lost my virginity. 
But I always been there for him. But our relationship 
went good, but I heard he was talking to this other girl. 
But I was cool with it. Then he broke up with me, he broke 
my heart and then I went up in the hall, but he was the 

I first person to write me and be here for me. I love him for 
that. Until this day I love him very much! 
-Kachetes 

From The Beat: We hope you that this boy shapes up and treats you 
with the respect you deserve. It's one thing to write from jail when 
you're locked up and feeling bad, it's another when he's out in the free 
world showing disrespect for your feelings. Remember, actions speak 
louder than words! 



Still Hanging 



All you see is bright flares when I get cold stares 

People love talking shh but I don't really care 

They stay all up on mines they need to go elsewhere 

So they can elevate their game take a climb upstairs. 

My games already up so you can say that I'm high 

And I don't use Visine 'cause the drops play with my eyes 

I ain't talking about high like a scrape sitting on fours 

I'm talking about grapes that keep me strapped like 

Girbauds 

Yeah you can say that I am 

But it's only 'cause I'm different like the green eggs and ham. 

-Gumby 

From The Beat: We had to cut out a few things due to... well, you know 
why. Anyway, "different," huh? Sitting up in juvi, talking crap about 
how tough you think you are, getting high and how you "get down." 
Yeah, that's original. Come with something else cause that^ played out. 
You have great rhyming skills and sometimes you come with some great 
pieces but you can't keep bragging and boasting about the criminal 
lifestyle. We bet if you wish you could get a POW every week, yet 
your call. 



I Need M]f Cell Phnne 



it is I 

\ 



Cell phones have not created any problems but I need my 
phone so I can call my girls and family and friends. And 
I kind of got tired of asking people if [I could use their] 
phone to call someone or having to walk to the store to 
use the phone and call some one. 

So yeah, I need my cell phone to keep in contact with 
people but being in here I can't talk to any one except 
the people here. I need to talk to someone I know [on the 
outside] but they wont let me use the phone and it sucks 
a lot but I can deal with it for now. 

-B 

From The Beat: Just another one of the consequences of being locked 
up. You can't do what you want to do. You have to do what they tell you 
to and when they tell you to do it. Get out of there and stay on track 
so you wont have to worry about being disconnected from your folks 
like that, B! 




/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim 



^mammmmmmF ^/// // 



^ />j. 




Free Again 



X f 



What's up Beat? This is your girl Melissa. Well today is 
a day out after me and my baby's one month anniversary. 
We both locked up, and I'm hella mad because today I 
found out that he got into a high-speed chase with three 
of his patnas and my boyfriend got his head busted. 

Damn, I was crying when I heard that today. Because 
my boyfriend was on the run for like a month and I told 
him to keep his lil' butt outta the streets. But I guess he 
wanted to do a foo' and get locked up with me... 

As I think of it my baby could have died from that high I 
speed, but thank God his life wasn't taken, because that's 
my baby and I love him and I miss him. 

Baby, you and me will be free again. 

-Melissa 

From The Beat: This piece ends on that hope, hope for freedom. But 
what does freedom mean to you? Does it mean freedom to be with your 
man, freedom to get out of the house, freedom from drama, freedom 
from fear and stress? What is freedom? 



What Keeps Me Up At Night 



X 



What keeps me up at night is me having to wake up every 
night to these four walls everyday and every morning. 
What really irks me is when I know I'm going to be up in 
here for a long time and that I probably won't be getting 
out no time soon. 

When you wake up to some shhh like this every 
morning, knowing that you aint gone see the Sun, you 
aint gone see your mama, only on visiting day. Knowing 
that you probably going to the Y. The only thing I could 
do is keep my head up. But it's good, I'm gonna hold it 
down. 

-Lil' Co 

From The Beat: We feel you Lil' Co. We do, for reai-for real. Don't let the 
walls cave in on you. You have to fortify your mind and never lose sight 
of YOU... no matter what your surroundings are... no matter what! Feel 
that? if not, read it again and think real hard about it. Keep your head 
up! Focus! 



Game Face 



Yeah, I live a double life. I'm a young hitta at all times. 
Stay on top. Yeah I could be a criminal but that's my last 
choice. 

But don't get it twisted, another side of me loves the 
Lord. I love Jesus and any day I'll pick good before bad, 
but for me I've been doing bad for so long, it's way too 
hard to do good. 

So honestly, I know it ain't good but I know who I am, 
I'm a young hitta 'bout my business. It's a time to play but 
you gotta know when to put your game face on. 

-Lir Dj 

From The Beat: It sounds like you are split in two different directions. 
Eventually, you will have to choose between these two sides — does 
being in jail push you in one direction or another? 



! I 



Beini Geekel U| 



X 



Being geeked up go skitz man. I use to stay geeked up 
out there off hella drank and dro. You know how life is on 
them streets 5-0 always be on us young goons out there. 
I gotta stay geeked up. I wanna get low but I don't know 
how. Ya dig? Help me. Help me. 

-Lir Geek 

From The Beat: Well being high and drunk might not be conducive 
to staying beneath the system^ radar. When you let go of that goon 
mentality you'll start seeing things go your way instead of being blown 
around in whatever direction like a wave in the wind. You have to 
demonstrate that you want to change first... then people who actually 
see you trying will be moved to help you. But it starts with you. 



U 



Tie Wi) I Talk 



\ 



When I'm with my potnas I talk differently then when I'm 
with my parents. I talk to my parents with respect and I 
don't cuss around them or any other adults. I treat them 
with respect. 

-Kiwi 

From The Beat: How far does that respect go? For instance, when your 
parents tell you to stay out of trouble do you respect that? Hmm, just 
something to think about. 



My Life 



What's up Beat? This your homie Chikillo. I'm just gonna 
write about how my life going. Well, I'm just here in the 
hall doing time for a crime I did. I go to court tomorrow. 
The judge trying to send me away but I just want a 
last chance to be with my family and with my homies, 
especially with my son. 

I been here for a few months and I miss my freedom. 
Well you know I'm just gonna do my time and not try 
to come back to the hall and stay out with the homies 
kicking it. Well Beat, I'm gone. Late! 

-ChikiUo 

From The Beat: You should be staying away from the homies and looking 
after the life you brought into the world. That's what's up! Kicking it 
with the homies doesn't sound like you're going to be "trying" to stay 
out of Jail. Quit playing dude... you got a child now. Focus. Your son 
should be at the top of your priority list, not second or third. 



I loi't Wait 



\ 



I never had to wait for hours at home just to wait for 
someone to call me, because I never gave nobody my 
house phone number, I haven't used no pay phone 
because I don't need to. 

Whenever I'm gonna meet somebody, I just call them 
and tell them to meet me at a certain time. But now that 
I'm older, we do need a cell phone because I know I have 
a lot of people that needs to call me when they need 
something or when they want to kick it with me. 

The reason I have Metro PCS is because I have no 
minutes I can talk all I want. 

-Talker 

From The Beat: Do you spend more time on the phone, or more time 
texting? Do feel like you need to have your phone with you 



Disappointment in Myseif 



at all I 

\ 



Being here is just not the way. You can't spend all your 
life up in here. I mean I can't be mad at no one because 
you know what you got yourself into. 

In fact, I know that these streets aint for me. I really 
can't do anything about it. I'm just doing my time and 
just trying to get out of here. 

-Jorge 

From The Beat: You can do something about it. You can figure out a plan 
or strategy to keep yourself out of harms way so when you get out you 
don't return to juvenile hall. You know the traps are out here waiting 
for you. What can you do to avoid them? 



Tiie Squad Time 



I remember when me my boys was at my house and we 
was off some alcohol and they was taking pictures, and 
they took a picture of me and I threw up hella bad. Them 
was the good times. 

-ChiU 

From The Beat: Hopefully you'll get out of there and let those type of 
good times be a reminder of why you don't want to go back. Stay out 
of trouble. 



1 



"\ 



I Would Give Him My Kidney 

I got worried about someone when I got word that my 
nephew was in the hospital and he was having problems 
with his kidneys. When my mama told me that it was an 
infection the first thing that came out of my mouth was I 
would give him my kidney. My nephew is my pride and joy 
if I lose him I would lose it. 
I already lost my niece! 

-Lil' Miami 

From The Beat: You need to remember the sacrifice you were willing to 
make, and think about how badly that little boy needs you to be out 
lAfith them, showing him the way to manhood out in the free world. He 
needs people who love him nearby! 



Tiie Life I Live Made Me Lilie Tiiis 

I have a double life, because I live like a criminal and at 
the same time I be a gentlemen. When I used to go to the 
house I would try to be a gentlemen with my family, and 
when I go to the street I am a different person, like if you 
see me you would tell me "who are you." Also when I go 
to my friends' house, I act all different so they could see 
I got respect. 

To tell you the truth, I am a really emotional person, 
because I ain't mean but the life I live made me like this. 

-Carlos 

From The Beat: Would you consider changing your life then? Because it 
sounds like you don't really like the person you become when you are 
out in the street, almost as if he is not the real you. 



low Ti Ni Man 



\ 



Call the coroner, not the doctor 

I warned you about these choppa's 

Triple homicide police chose including two helicopters 

I bow down to no man 

And that includes the coppers 

-Four Walls Entertainment 

-T-Rex 

From The Beat: The problem is that real freedom means doing the right 
thing. And if you do the right thing, you won't have to face the cops 
anyway. We want to see you stand up and fight, but you have to know 
what you're fighting FOR, not just what you're fighting against. 



Brown Sl(in 



The skin of my lady is beautiful fair 

It smells so sweet, like after rain air 

Her lips are so soft, as soft as a cloud 

Whenever we kiss, my heart screams aloud 

Her skin is so soft, as soft as a pillow 

Her stare is so calm, as calm as a willow 

No matter what happens, whatever goes down 

Her skin will stay beautiful, beautiful brown. 

-Eugene 

From The Beat: Lucky girl! is this someone you are already with, or 
someone you're dreaming of? 



When I Get Out 



When I get out of this juvenile hall I'm going to go home 
to my family and make up for the time I lost when I was in 
here. Man, I miss my family. I mostly miss my mom cause 
she was the one who came to my court date and shhh. 
When I get out we're going to throw a big party. 

-Correy 

From The Beat: On top of that party you might want to demonstrate 
how much you appreciate her by staying away from and out of trouble. 



I I 



! I 



u 



Dnnlile Lifestyle 



\ 



I would choose my gang life over a normal life because I 
want to live in the fast lane. I want to live a happy life to 
but it's to far away from gang life. 

I would rather die fast by a bullet than slow when 
I'm old. I choose this because my bloodline started it. It 
goes two generations back and because I was born in the 
middle of the hood. 

-Richard 

From The Beat: We were under the impression that people wanted a 
better life for themselves and their families. Like, that's why people 
hustle and bustle for the cash out there. It's not to stay in the "hood" 
it^ to get out of the hood and create a foundation for their children 
to grow up in a safe and healthy environment so that they can have 
chance and an opportunity to make it in this world. Wake up! 



Grandma RIP 



■J 
\ 



Disappointment to me is just being in Juvy and not 
being able to see your family and friends or being able to 
be free. 

The first time I felt disappointed was when my 
grandma passed away when I was younger. Ever since she 
passed away, I felt disappointment because it's not the 
same since she's gone, cause she misses my birthday, 
Christmas, and other holidays. 

-Lonnie Bo 

From The Beat: We're sorry you lost your grandma. What do you miss 
most about her, and what is the greatest advice she ever gave you? 



1 Promise You 




X 


Roses are Red 






Violets are blue 






Life could be sweet 






And so are you 






Love is nice 






So wait until tonight 






I promise you that I will not bite 






- Jerm The Worm 1 


From The Beat: You are becoming the master of the love poem 


- but 


we want to see you expand your range, and use 


that talent on 


every 


1 subject that matters to you! 







Loss 

Hey Beat, this Lil' Leek. I just want to tell people that 
the hall is nothing, but it's not fun to be in. I just want to 
get out, so I could see all the girls. 

To be free is the best thing 'cause you could do what 
you want, so when you get out stay out. That's coming 
from me. 

RIP Emmit, RIP Carl man, RIP to everybody gone and 
dead so bye. 

-Lil' Leek 

From The Beat: Um hmm, the hall is doing exactly what's it's supposed 
to be doing: Making you think about what freedoms you forfeit when 
you break the law. Don't get us twisted... we don't want you to be there 
either, but you have to want to not be there bad enough to stay out of 
trouble, it's not supposed to be Disneyland. 



Disappointment 



I remember I use to ride around the hood when I first got 
my new car. It was hot but I had a lot of haters and was 
funkin' too hard in it. I rode into the wrong hood in it and 
my new car got shot up. Man, I thought I was gonna die 
but I didn't. 

-D 

From The Beat: See what happens when you front? You can't floss when 
you have beef... especially in a new car. Come on noyvi 



Disappointment 



This is how I feel 
rm dark in the inside but man Fm so real. 

Get angry but be mad at yourself 

For you the one who got tangled in this belt 

For I am the one who is on my own 

Fm not turned off cause I stay on 

What y'all said Fm gone make it on my own! 

-Lil' Quan 

From The Beat: Independence is a good thing... it says that you have 
confidence and belief in yourself. It also says that you're a responsible 
individual. It's oicay at times to feel that darkness you spoke of. It lets 
you know that you're still human. Keep writing! 



Sunny Days 



When it's a sunny day I wonder what my friends are 
doing 'cause I know when its rainy days they're up in 
their room just like I am... bored, waiting 'till its good 
to go out. They're probably living the life. The life is the 
ghetto life. Meaning doing everything a ghetto person, or 
a person who's on the inside is doing. 

-Spider 

From The Beat: Do you mean to say that they are out here struggling 
and thinking about freedom? Maybe they're at school or at a movie not 
tripping off anything but how good it feels to not be locked up! Hmm, 
maybe? But you won't know for sure until you get out. 



Living Tlie Dnuiiie Life Lifestyle 

I do live the double life because on the outs grown folks 
see me as a young decent person who is very helpful, who 
goes to school, play sports and who is a regular school 
boy. 

And to my friends Fm bad and a gang-banger who 
does bad things to people. The real me is the decent good 
school boy but on the outside I run this shhh 

-Teddy 

From The Beat: Is it possible for both these sides of you to co-exist 
peacefully? Or is the rough side of you going to ruin things for the 
'decent' side of you? 



Deil and Daci( 



Fm a soldja 

Born into this world for a cause 

Been through hell and back 

But it's nothin' to a boss 

So for all my generals and lieutenants 

Stay strong 

And remember... 

-Jamil 

From The Beat: Remember iwhat? We are waiting for the conclusion!!! 



Wkick Waj 



\ 



I would choose the gangbanging life. It can still provide 
good things you will have by your side, and they will 
always have your back. 

It will also get you locked up. You will have homies 
that are ready to get down whenever you are. That is why 
I would choose that life style. This is what us Mexicans 
stand for. Cesar Chavez is the founder of Huelga. 

-Rudy 

From The Beat: Cesar Chavez ivasn't indiscriminately killing off his oiwn 
people. In fact, he fought to make sure his people, no, all people, could 
get fare treatment on the workforce and not be exploited by the system. 
And as far as the homies go, how many of them are breaking their backs 
to write you or come to court for you? 



I'm good, girls stay up. Man, when I get out we gon' go 
dumb. Man, I'm tired of being in here. Man, don't trip girls 
we gon' go dumb. 

-Kenyon 

From The Beat: Wow, you probably need to "go smart" for a change. It 
might help instead of harm you in the long run. 



Yonr Giri n Tiie Weei(enil, Dut Wiiat Does 
Slie Do During Tiie Weei(? 

It's kind of hard being at camp when ya chick is out there 
in Oakland doin' it with her people Monday through 
Friday, while you in camp and roll call gettin' counted 
like sheep every thirty minutes and gettin' stressed out 
by staff. 

You trying to avoid write-ups to get all your hours to 
see them, and they out getting drunk and high getting 
into relationships! But I know ninjas be talking 'bout "my 
chick on me but she don't drink or smoke." But I seen it, 
they do it all on the week and put on act on the weekend, 
so that's why I am out. 

It's Majie Go Baby, and don't take out the "Go Baby" 
'cause it's me, me, me, it's all 'bout me, chicks get played 
like a Nintendo Wii. 

-Majia Go Baby 

From The Beat: We had some debate in the office on whether or not to 
keep the last part of your piece, but we decided to leave it... because 
obviously you have seen some examples of broicen trust. But straight 
up - if a person wants his girl to be faithful, he needs to man up and get 
it together so he won't get put in jail. A girl deserves a boyfriend who 
there for her seven days a week, not just on the weekends. 



J L 



Not III 



\ 



Not all unemployed are lazy 

Not all dropouts are dumb 

Not all married couples are happy 

And not all homeless are bums 

-Lil' Mang 

From The Beat: Not all talents produce/Or live up to the talent they got/ 
They write pages and pages for weeks/And then when we say "did you 
write?" they did not! 



1 



Deautifui 



You're beautiful like a butterfly 

When I see your beautiful face I smile 

Thinkin' about you makes me go wild 

When I lie to you I'm in denial 

So I must tell the truth 

I romance about knockin' the boots 

You're sweet as a honey bee 

I am searching the bottom of the sea or the tallest tree 

But baby, they don't make 'em like me please 

When I look into your eyes 

I feel like I can fly 

Now I sometimes wonder why 

The way those pants hug those hips 

Makes me lick them lips 

You're gorgeous as a rose 

That's my favorite flower 

I feel your skin so soft and smooth 

But baby I hope you never have to choose 

You're beautiful... 

-Go Diego Do 

From The Beat: We hope there^ a lucky girl who did inspire this poem, 
and we hope that you if there isn't, you get out and find one! This poem 
will win her, but itls your ability to stay true that will keep her. 



h 



1 




/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim 




^mammmmmmF ^/^/// 



What Keeps Me Here 

What's good Beat, Fm at camp, hella bored and doing 
nothing but getting mad at staff and trying to stay and do 
this camp thing I hate this place having to take a doo-doo 
right next to someone and a shower and sleepy next to 
more than a hundred guys make me want to run. 

But I know I can't run because it's just going to make 
everything worse for me. In 12 days I get my first hour, so 
I'm going to stay and do this little seven months. 

The Things That Make Me Stay: My family, the 
homies. 

And that's all that makes me stay in this goddamned 
camp and that's on the real. 

From The Beat: It's good that you know what you have found reasons to 
stick out the program. And while you are here, take advantage of every 
single program you can. Get sk% much out of the system sk% possible! 



X I 



J 



\ 



Sta) Safe 

What's up Beat, this is Guero from San Francisco, 'bout 
to get out of camp in a month and a half ... if I don't get 
into a fight or a dirty. I'm cool today. 

The only thing I'm trippin' off is my homie. He got 
shot with a shotgun in his back. He has hella beads in 
his back and go to his liver. In a couple of years he can be 
slower and some other shhh. I don't know, I hope the best 
for him. 

Stay up and when you get out be safe, watch out for 
moving cars, even people walking. 

-Guero 

From The Beat: We could say the same to you - it's hot out there, and 
when you let yourself get caught up in beef, it gets hotter. Do you have 
a strategy for staying safe? 



X 



Don't Call Me Back Again! 

Cell phones it's all right, I mean I like having a cell 
phone but at the same time it's annoying. I like having a 
cell phone because I got to call whoever I want at any time 
instead of bumming off someone else's phone. I don't like 
cell phones , because I be having hella people blowing up 
my phone, feel me, once I don't pick up don't call me 
back again.. 

What do you think , I will pick up the phone the 
second time? 

-Linh 

From The Beat: Ah, the price of popularity. Do you ever think that having 
that cell phone makes so many demands on your time that it becomes 
harder to get things done when you need to? Like work, school, etc? 



\ 



Just Wirds: "In Sone Deei Stiff!" 

It's your boy Looney once again, coming to drop some 
lines from Camp. I've been good here now for two months 
and I'm planning on doing good for the rest of my program 
too. 

Last week I had eleven days until the baby was here 
and now he'll be here in four days or less. 

I'm dummy juiced about the whole "being a father" 
thing. My patna up here just had his baby the other day... 
he said "It was cool, but I'm in some deep stuff — LOL -- 
so I'm just waiting. The homies up here are doing good, 
so they're helping me with my stress level. 

But I don't really have much else to say right now, so 
I'll holla. 

-Looney 

From The Beat: Well, you're in some deep stuff now for sure, but you 
also have a purpose and meaning coming to your life that you've never 
had before. Do you think a lot will change in your life now? 



\ 



Snitching 

What's up Beat, this is Lil' Capy. Well I really don't got 
nothing to write about I'm just gonna write about how I'm 
feeling today, well I'm not that coo'. I got a letter today 
talking about a homie that was hella coo' with snitched 
on someone... It's always the last person you expect. 

The cops try to scare you by telling you they will give 
you life in prison or they say your homie snitched on you, 
so you can tell on him. 

-Lil' Capy 

From The Beat: Seems like the best way to avoid the snitch problem is 
to just NOT DO the kinds of things a snitching could get you in trouble 
for, right? But you know that already, don't you? 



Nn Familir 



Dear Beat, 

I am disappointed because I have so much going for 
me, and I take it for granted. 

I have never lived with my parents I have no family, I 
have been living in group homes and foster homes since I 
was four. If you were to look at me or talk to me you would 
think that my parents have given me home training. I am 
a senior in high school with enough credits to walk the 
stage, I work for a church that also comes to this juvenile 
hall to talk to kids I have bank accounts. 

-Young but mature 

From The Beat: Don't all those disappointments make you even more 
proud of what you have achieved? It takes a lot of strength to raise 
yourself, which is what it sounds like you did. And you found a church, 
you studied at school. Do you feel proud of yourself for what you have 
done in life already?. 



Everydaii Stnff 

The dark side in Oakland is the same thing: 

Guns, drugs, hitting up a dice game. 

Trying to graduate but the exit exam's holding me back 

Damn man why they won't cut me no slack? 

Three relatives in college, man I wish that could be me 

Scared for the diploma I might not see 

Cold steel on my hip to get rid of the haters. 

Never thought I would be in this situation when I was a 

first grader. 

Taught to never love nothing but my hood. 

Females cry at night wishing I understood. 

My big sis Nee-Nee cried when I went down that day. 

She told me not to mess with that ninja ...I knew he was 

a stray. 

Pops told me only family is real. 

Messing with fake ninjas would get you in here. 

-Derrick 

From The Beat: But Derrick, you have all you need to make it: Your own 
talent, which we can see in your writing, examples of people who have 
gone to college in your own family, and for that matter, a loving family 

. who will support you in your dreams. Does knowing this help you feel 

I more confident? 



Ji 



r. 



U 



Disappnintment Nn Tiianits, Hi Stay Mad 

Me, I rather get mad than disappointed. Disappointment 
is way worse than angry. I got disappointed because of 
my nephew. He went to Juvenile Hall. It's his first time, 
he got a home invasion and kidnapping case. 

I didn't even get mad, I just got disappointed because 
I thought he knew better than that, I thought hew as 
smarter. I hope he gets out though. 

-Linh 

From The Beat: The thing is that your nephew looks up to his older 
family members, he will follow the examples that you all set, right? So 
maybe if you start doing right, HE will start doing right. 



fa 



1 




agnnnnnE wmwmim 




^mammmmmmF ^/^/^/ 



Texting 



The only time I text is when I see where's my patnas are 
at and what they Anna get into. I rather talk on the phone 
though because if I hear a person's voice I know what 
they up to and what mood they're in. 

-Linh 

From The Beat: They say that 95% of all communication is non-verbal, 
which means that like you say, the words themselves aren't enough, you 
can tell a lot about a person from their faces, tone of voice, how they 
are standing etc.. .Do you agree with that? 



Cell PtoKS Help People 



X 



Cell phones has helped a lot because when there weren't 
any cell phones and you're in the middle of nowhere and 
you get shot, how are you going to get help? Instead 
you're going to die. 

Cell phones are always helpful because if you don't 
want to talk at your house you want to wander around 
and talk whenever you want. It has also helped because 
anybody can call you anytime without anybody in your 
business --this is why cell phones have helped a lot of 
people. 

-J 

From The Beat: How old were you when you got your first cell phone? 
How old do you think is the right age for a child to get one 



Disappointed le Tko Sistem 



X 



I am mostly disappointed in the way the probation 
officer and the judge are handling things right now, they 
are punishing me and recommending things like I am a 
threat to society, but I am mostly a threat to myself and 
my well being. They say they wanna put me in a group 
home, but at the same time they never had to come find 
me. 

I've turned myself in the only two times I've ever 
violated, and have never went on the run and the baddest 
thing I've done is come with a couple dirty drug tests. 
That to me seems like no reason to take me away from my 
home. 

-Malik 

From The Beat: We definitely hope that you get home soon. What do 
you think makes them want to suggest that you could be a threat to 
yourself? 



Hard To Control 



X 



Disappointment is hard to control, but how I address 
my feelings is that you have to fight back or get back at 
somebody. 

Like one time I remember when I got into it at school 
and the boy said something about my dad, so I tripped 
out. The teacher got in my way and I punched him and 
assaulted the boy. I kept hitting him and hitting him ... 
another teacher came so I hit her. 

But that's only because my dad died right in front of 
me and you know how hard that was ... I was disappointed 
at the whole world, that time I didn't know what to do. 

My mom never was there so that incident happened, 
I got kicked out of Rudsdale Academy, so after that I 
started to go to jail time after time so that the real reason 
I get disappointed 'cause my dad but now I can control 
my anger its hard but I have to 'cause it didn't get me 
nowhere but jail. RIP daddy ...this for you. 

-Tavon 

From The Beat: Do you have any kind of support for these feelings? 
Anger management classes? Family to give you advice? Dad must have 
been incredibly painful, but getting locked up just csku%e% you more 
pain 



Release Time 



\ 



I think I should be getting a release soon to camp, but 
you know how they get down with them thirty day wait 
thangs...so ninjas won't be thinking bout running or 
nothing. 

-Time is near 

From The Beat: How are you going to u%e those thirty days? To study? 
To write letters? To do extra homework? To plan for your future? Look 
at those thirty days sk% a chance to be thirty days ahead of the game 
when you get to camp! 




\ 



\ I 



U 



Living A Confosed Life: Interview 

TBW: Do you live the double life? 

Tay: Honestly man it gets rough out here where I'm from, 

so I gotta say I live kind of a triple life. 

TBW: Explain how you live a triple life? 

Tay: I say I live a triple life because I be having a lot of girls 

so I would say I got a lover side (not soft though), that's 

one. Then on the low-low I get money selling thangs for a 

cool price, some label me a hustler that's two then to most 

of my family, girlfriend mothers etc, and school staff I'm a 

regular kid with a steady environment that's smarter then 

the average youngsta out here, so that's three... 

TBW: Living the triple life... does it create problems for 

you either at home or with your homies? 

Tay: Yeah it creates problems all the time because of time. 

It seems like me and time don't got too much in common. 

When I'm trying to get my hustle on, my mother need me 

to do this or that soon as I'm through my broad wanna 

kick it or do some thangs, if you know what I mean, plus 

while all that's going on I got homework. 

TBW: Does it ever leave you confused? 

Tay: No it don't ever leave me confused because I plan 

my moves very careful kinda like a game of chess against 

God for my life. 

TBW: What do you do when your family wants to do one 

thing but your family want to do another? 

Tay: I look at my homies as family but I go the way my 

blood tell me to because blood thicker then water. 

TBW: Can you satisfy one part of your life without 

disappointing the other? 

Tay: Always ...because all you gotta do is keep it real 

unless you lie for the better. 

TBW: Are you struggling to give up this triple life and 

put both feet on one path or the other? Which will you 

choose? 

Tay: No I am not trying to give up my triple life, and also 

no I'm not answering anymore questions! 

-Tay 

From The Beat: We wish you had answered even more questions, because 
this interview leaves u% wanting to knoiv more. There is only one of you 
to live these three lives, so something is going to have to fold soon... 
which life is it that got you in Juvenile Hall? And when you are in here, 
which one are you leading. And which life, deep down, is the one you 
are most proud of? 




/^y.-/rA/v#>^ wmwmim 




^mammmmmmF ^^^/^^ 



I Hate Livino The Double Life 



X 



I am living a double life, I am a good person around my 
mom and my girl, but when I get in the streets I'm a whole 
new person. That's the reason why I'm in Juvy, 'cause I 
was acting up in the streets and got caught up. 

I hate living the double life, 'cause now I'm in the hall 
and I can't see my girl and I can't see my mama. Living the 
double life isn't cool, 'cause my boys be wanting me to do 
things I wouldn't normally do, like rob someone, but on 
the other hand my mama be having me do right, like stay 
away from people like that. 

So in the end, I am living the double life and when I 
get out of here I wont be living that life no more. 

-Dj 

From The Beat: Do you think maybe the problem is your "boys"? Do you 
have friends who are more positive, who will help you lead the icind of 
life you really want to live? 



\ 



Wbei I'D lisaipiinted I Pray 

When I get disappointed I pray to God. I address my 
feelings by talking to God and hoping he will help me 
come to my senses. Yeah -- I get mad but after I pray I 
get sad. But soon I get OK. I was disappointed when the 
wrongfully accused me for pistol-whipping somebody. 

I have disappointed my whole family by coming to 
Juvenile Hall. Yea I have a good and bad side but since I 
come from a good family I always do the right thing so the 
Angel wins! 

-Chris 

From The Beat: Nice - what kinds of plans are you working on to make 
sure that the Angel side of you gets stronger and stronger, so you can 
get out of the system and stay out? 



I I 



Disiipiintient 



\ 



I deal with disappointment by smoking weed, and 
drinking drank -- mostly sipping bo', and when I'm in a 
situation that do not go my way I do not address my feelings 
'cause I usually be too high. I react to disappointment by 
mostly going to shoot dice or rob somebody because if 
I'm disappointed that usually mean I'm broke. 

A time I was disappointed is when I ran from 5-0 and 
got caught so that's what disappointed me. I stayed quiet 
and beated on the walls 'cause I thought it would help. 
RIP Davon. 

-Lil' T 

From The Beat: If you keep living this ivay, you might find yourself with 
a lot more disappointment! You gotta find another way to deal with 
your life and your stress - do you have positive people around you who 
can help you? 



I lin't Comii' Back 



\ 



What's up Beat, it's ya boy T back in the hall. I don't 
know why people think they hard just because they come 
to jail, they think it's cool to come in here and then they 
tell they friends that they been locked up, saying that 
they been here this many times that been smash and in 
here - but what is that doing good for you? I only been to 
jail three times and I ain't tryna come back. This ain't it. 
I'd rather be at home with my baby mama, my baby girl, 
my mom and pops and my annoying ass lil' sister. 

But damn - it is what it is and sometimes you can't do 
nothing about it. But yeah I got court tomorrow and I got 
a pretty good feeling I'm getting out and all I gotta say is I 
ain't coming back. 

-Young T 

From The Beat: We hope you mean it, 'cause like you say, jail is no place 
to be, no place to be proud of, no place to return to. But what would you 
need to change to make sure you don't come back? 



I Got Away 



What thizz it?" Yee! It's J on demand, like Comcast. 

I'm 'bout to tell y'all a story about a time I got away from 
them boys (police.) We was at this party in Mill Valley, the 
whole turf. I popped a pill on the bus, in the function (party) 
and two halves, walking to the function. So you already 
know I was super lam (high). Anyway, we get into the party. 
We only there for, like, 45 minutes before the girl who party 
it was start screaming, "Everybody leave — the police are 
coming." I drop my orange juice and in my head, I'm like, 
"Oh, shhh. I can't go to the halls tonight." 

I run around the party, tellin' my ninjas, "We gotta go. 
We gotta shake," and my ninjas goin' super bad on the 
female. She, like, "I didn't call them! It wasn't me!" and 
she was crying. I knew her, went to school with her, and 
all that, but I just couldn't feel sorry for her. It was like my 
compadres was sayin', "Why throw a party just to kick us 
out?" 

Then her brother came, "Everybody out now!" He wasn't 
tough, though, he had on some tighty whities and a scarf. 
We was just laughin' at him. Then the girl came to me and 
said, "Jordan, you have to get these people out the house." 
She was still crying. I told my ninjas, but they wouldn't 
budge. I told other people. Nobody would leave, though, so 
I said, "Whatever," and sat on the couch and sipped some 
Tampico. I decided to smoke a Black and Mild, so I open the 



door, 'bout to go outside, when I see big ass lights. It 
was the police. Girls screamed. Everybody ran outside. 
I see one of the potnas that was on the run. I tell him to 
leave. He said, "They can't arrest all of us." 

I'm hella lam (high), following my ninjas around the 
house (it was hella big.) We go upstairs and hide in the 
girl' room. She came upstairs, screaming, and my cuddy 
cook was about to sleep her ass, but I told him not to. So 
we went back downstairs and people was walking around 
looking dumb, then I see my kinfolk being posted on the 
couch. I'm like, "What's wrong with you?" He say, "Don't 
worry 'bout me, lil' ninja. You betta shake," so I'm looking 
around and I go in the kitchen and there was a door. Get 
through there, it was a porch. I see my ninja, Dre, and they 
was over there, smoking a 'Port (Newport.) We shake from 
there. 

I forgot what happened. I remember seein' all my ninjas 
at a Mexican restaurant down the hill from her house, and 
everybody was like, "Ayy! We got away." And I seen one of 
my potnas and they with this girl, so I hop in the car and 
do it movin', like a U-haul truck. But, yeah, that's it for my 
story. Stay up, heads up. Stop snitchin'. The whole nine — 
all gas, no breaks. 

-Jordan 

From The Beat: You're great at telling stories and you're having some great 
adventures, but where does this endless partying lead to? Did anyone get 
arrested? By the way, where is your life leading? Where do you want it to 
go? Unfortunately this is the time to wake up and take action, or, roll the 
dice and you may find yourself back in this hole. 



fa 




/^y.-/rA/v#>^ mMMi/m 



^mammmmmmF ////^/ 



^//. 




Trick Shlih 



X f 



My homeboys and I planned to go to Sausalito on a 
Saturday so that they could pop acid and I'd pop pills and 
we'd spend the day trippin' and thizzen and smoking six 
spliffs we already had rolled up. i 

On Saturday morning, my two homies decided to I 
go to Berkeley instead of Sausalito, but I couldn't make 
that bus in time. They wouldn't wait on me to catch the 
next bus so I could come, too. I decided not to trip off 
of trick shhh, so I went and smoked a chopper with my 
other homies in the headlands. The next day I found out 
that those (jerks) missed the bus and went to Sausalito . 
anyway. 

-Deisel 

From The Beat: What's this seeming compulsion to have drugs be the 
major part of any adventure your groups of homies and you have? Can 
you have fun without being high? Do you ever go anywhere alone? Can 
you have a great time with no drugs by yourself? Why don't you try it 
sometime? We hope you try, given where you sit today. 



Two Different Paths 



For me, living the double life is like going into two 
different paths. 

The good one is with family, being good, going to 
school, and getting money, working. 

The other one is gangbanging, and doing bad things 
and hustling for money. 

-Luis 

From The Beat: Are you living this double life you describe? If so, 
how do you accommodate helping your family, going to school, with 
gangbanging and hustling for cash? How does your being in juvy affect 
your family? Does your double life confuse and hurt your family, and 
you too? 



i Don't Know 



I don't know what this world is coming to 

I don't know what this life is about 

I don't know what's worth fighting for 

I don't know why I don't 

I don't know why I should care 

I don't know when is the end 

I don't know I'm even here 

I don't really know anything 

I don't know why I ever pretend 

I don't know you and really don't care 

I don't know this so-called God 

I don't know this earth 

I don't know this so-called space 

I just don't know very much 

-Cali 

From The Beat: At least you know what you don't know — that's a start, 
it can be lonely and scary to realize that nobody has these answers for 
you, but it can also be wild and exhilarating, because you get to travel 
the world discover skn^ answers for yourself. 



\ 



Super Dypliir Last Dne 

Super hyphy, last party, gonna do it big 

Party with the girls, pop thizz, sip on Hen 

I got on stage with Mistah Fab 

Couldn't believe I did it that fat 

Went outside to get some air 

Sat down, saw a blunt bigger than a straw man 

I can't believe what I saw 

-Lil' Hus 

From The Beat: it sounds like you're always super hyphy, even in juvy. 
Can you be unhyphy when you want to? Do you ever become serious 
or sad about anything? Then what happens? This is a time for you to 
mature up, otherwise you have a hard road ahead. 



My Last Ciiance 



\ 



Damn, I'm doing cool in here. Can't wait to go home. I 
plan to do better. I know I always be saying I'm going do 
better and I never do. 

I I'm supposed to get out of here next week on the 

bracelet and it's my last chance, so hopefully, I leave. 

-Chubs 

From The Beat: Now that you have another chance, do you think you 
could u%e some help to stay cool on the outs? Do you have someone your 
family that's stn adult, a neighbor, doctor, juvy counselor who you trust 
that you can go to? Please get skn^ help you need now. 



IJ 



Diuble 



My life is like looking at a mirror 

A different person on the mirror 

At school I stay clean and sober 

And just stay out of trouble 

But in the streets, I creep 

And I drink 

I pop and feel like I'm about to get a heat stroke 

After it wears down, I smoke 

Til the sun goes down 

And I pass out 
Til the next day, I'm out 

-Chepe 

From The Beat: You have interesting insights into your two sides. Who 
is the person you see in the mirror? How does the clean young man feel 
about the shadow guy who creeps at night? What does your dark side 
feel about the guy who is clean and sober every day? it's time for the 
sober guy to take action and better his life! Step up and don't be foolish 
with your freedom or program! 



Ilreadj Back 



\ 



I rrc 
I car 



I'm disappointed because last week I got out. I just did 
three weeks, but it was nothing. But now, a week later, 
I'm back in here with a gang charge. Is all good. I'll do my 
six weeks like nothing. Much love. 

-Yosepi 

From The Beat: Being in juvy is not all good, it may be something you 
can endure because you have to, but what's really going on? 



Almost Dut 



Well, it's my first time here in the halls and the whole 
time I've been here has been hella boring. It gave me time, 
though, to think about my actions. 

Now I know not to mess up on the outs, 'cause I'm 
gonna end right back up in here. I got one more week and 
I hope it goes by quick, 'cause I got hella stuff to do when 
I get out. 

-Fernando 

From The Beat: What are you thinking about your actions on the outs? 
What% your plan upon getting out? 



U 



Dur Lives Devolve Around Dur Cell Phones ^ 

Cell phones haven't created any problems for me yet. I 
imagine that it would cause hella problems to not have 
phones. 

Almost everyone has a cell phone and hella people's 
lives revolve around their phone. Some people have 
everything on their phone. People got E-mail. 

-Cellie 

From The Beat: How has your cell phone made your life easier? What 
all do you keep on your phone? Now that you can't have your phone 
in juvy, what is all that silence, with no gadget to play with, like for 
you? 







////// 



Living Fuli Time 



X f 



Naw, I don't live a double life. I live full time, feel me. 
Yeah, Fm a gang member, ain't no denying it. Who don't 
know that I bang? Mom does, pops, brothers, sisters, 
grandparents, aunties, uncles, POs, the next-door 
neighbor, every body, man. 

But back to the subject. I breathe, sleep, eat and use 
the bathroom with my 'hood. To me, my name and image 
is permanently engraved, just like my tattoo. I love my 
'hood. 

That's all I can say 'cause I'm not used to writin' 
on y'all topics, homie. I'm usually in m own world, con 
diablos, demons y loksteros (with devils, demons and 
crazies.) All right then. Late much love and all respect to 
all the chosen few. 

-Gangsta Shadow 

From The Beat: And we add all our respects to all, chosen or not! The 
only thing we can say to you is that you don't know what tomorrow 
holds (nobody knows the future). So, at least hold out the possibility 
that the way you see yourself and the world today MAY not be the way 
you see it in the future. 



J— L 



In The Shadow Of Biy Brother 



X 



Life is weak because you can trust no one. The people 
that you love is the one that stab you in the back the 
most. Sometimes I think about the people that I be with. 
Do they really care about me? I'm D-Nice lil' brother. 
The people that love my big brother say they love me. Do 
they? 

My life is weak. All the ninjas I be with, to me they 
fake. My ninja Ant is the only ninja that I got love for 
because he told me, "I don't give damn D-Nice is your big 
brother. I will beat yo' ass." Ever since then, I have love 
for Ant. 

Every body in the 'hood will be like, "That's D-Nice 
lil' brother. Don't touch him." But Ant didn't care. That's 
why I cant wait to come home. Ant is the only ninja I got 
love for. 

-D-Nice 

From The Beat: We're a little confused. You say that you are D-Nice^ 
little brother, but then you sign your name as D-Nice. Are you your own 
little brother? That's not just a joke question, it's our way of telling you 
that you have to love yourself and stop worrying whether people love 
you or not. It sounds like you have grown up in the shadow of an older 
brother with a rep, and that you want to be seen and judged on your 
own merits or demerits. That's fair enough. So, stop worrying about him 
and start getting your act together. Then people will see that you are an 
individual, whether you're somebody^ brother or not. 



livini Oie life, Nit liitle 



X 



Me, I live one life, a criminal a gang banger and a nice 
guy. But I consider that one person living a hard life. Pops 
was gone, then came back, then left again, then came 
back. So it really confusing. But my life is cool though. 

I gangbang and I do what I do. I bang hard but it 
doesn't mean I can't be a successful person. Right now 
I'ma be locked up for a minute until I take my case to trial 
and I beat it. But I don't know if I'm going to beat it, but 
there a possibility. I'm not tripping that much, but I hope 
I beat it. 

My life is different from a lot of people life, but I live 
one life of my own. 

-Grimy 

From The Beat: What does your lawyer tell you about going to trial? 
Sometimes, the voice of experience is worth listening to. if there is a 
possibility of losing at trial and facing worse consequences, then you 
have to think careful about what's best for your future. We wish you 
would write a piece that focuses just on that last sentence. How is your 
life different from a lot of peopled lives? What do you want out of life? 
HoiAf do you hope to achieve it? 



U 



Topics In One 



\ 



I don't remember life before cell phones so I cant answer 
that. I've never lived a double life so I don't know. I clean 
my room and that's it. But if I see my aunt cleaning, 
I'ma tell her to stop and I'll clean it up. I don't deal with 
disappointment I just accept it and move on. 

-Seme-edo 

From The Beat: Here's the thing about The Beat. We don't want you 
to write one sentence about each topic. We want you to choose the 
topic that appeals to you most, and write a lot about it. There's no 
right way to do it, but you must tell us a lot more than one or two 
sentences. In other words, you have to do some thinking before you do 
some writing. You don't have to answer all the questions in whatever 
topic you choose, you just have to explain what you are thinking, and 
give plenty of details and examples. That's what makes a Beat piece. 
Next time... 



Sexy Eyes 



I wanna know what's your fantasies and your fears 

I wanna know what makes you sad and shed tears 

I wanna hold you deep into the night 

I wanna make your dark days turn into light 

But all this I can't tell you 'cause I'm only able to see yo' face 

It's tearin' me up inside and arising so much hate 

Your long hair and your baby face I long to touch 

No need to talk, baby girl, just hush 

You're oh so fine and I like the way you walk 

You got a sexy-ass voice when you talk 

Auburn highlights in your hair, to me that's a plus 

Shows how feisty you are out of all the bunch 

Light brown skin, what more can I say 

A cholita too... damn, now I'm going crazy 

I see you in yo' purple cind khaki £ind I know you know me 

I want to be your lover not just your homie 

I remember the last time I saw you, we were lightweight 

deep and drunk 

Posted at the bus stop then we seen a rival, you 

probably remember now, huh 

I had on the Girbauds, black hoody, Jordans and a SF hat 

Had a warrant, got sent to my group house and that was 

the end of that 

But I still remember you with your pretty eyes. 

I'm catchin' feelings and I barely know you, that's no lie 

I wanna be your man if you let me to 

And I hope you feel the same way I do 

Miss Payasa will you be my boo 

And I promise to always be truthful to you 

Always until my casket drops 

-Gangsta Shadow 

From The Beat: You've created the ideal love with words so fine/A skilled 
poet, line after line/But hoiv much is real and hoiv much is dream/When 
you're locked up, things aren't always what they seem/And if the choices 
you make lead to lock-up with your crew/You can be truthful to her, but 
can you be true/With both behind bars, all you have is mind love/We 
urge you to find a way to stay free and, then, truly find love! 



H 



My Double Life 



Livin' the duce duce life, you know 

Let me tell you, one bangin' 

The other one being at home 

Being a mother, a single one 

When I'm out bangin' 

Reppin' the color 

The one I put it down for' 

-Monstrita 

From The Beat: We're kind of disappointed in this from you, Monstrita. 
Not only did we have to cut about half of your piece, since we won't let 
you rep your colors in The Beat, we're more disappointed that it appears 
you've forgotten that you only have one thing to rep from now on, and 
that's your child. You can't both be the mother you say you want to be 
and the homie you take such pride in here. You can't avoid making a 
choice, if you choose one, you lose the other. So, which one will it be? 







////// 



Here Again, Another Detonr 



X f 



What's up, Beat? Yeah, I'm back once again, but don't 
think for once I'm here to stay, because this is just a 
detour for me. I don't plan on staying for very long. And, 
yeah, I'm strugglin' to stay sane, looking at them four 
walls in my room. But like always, I'ma suck it up and 
finish my time and take it as another experience. And, as 
they say, "If it don't kill you, it a make you stronger." 

-Resha Boo 

From The Beat: You know what, Resha, we believe that some things that 
don't iciii you don't maice you stronger, but weaicer. Every time you get 
lociced up (and when we read a piece that starts, "I'm bade once again..." 
we know you haven't lived up to your promises to yourself), we think it 
wfeakens you. That means you have to act now; while you're still strong, 
to stop doing what you know will lead you here (because it has before), 
and start doing things that are hard now, but will pay off in the future. 
We knoiAf you won't be here long, but only you know whether you'll be 
here often... 



What's With The Release? 

The name is Caprice 

I'm tryna get released 

Got me in my cell, begging God, "Please!" 

Been in since January 26th 

Now ain't that about a stitch 

My best friend turned out to be a snitch 

Thinking about really putting damage on that witch 

At least I can turn an' face to my true ninja, Jarome 

Judge out her mind, sending me to a group home 

Making me think I don't have a place to call home 

But on my dead homie, Karem, I'ma stand strong 

And to my sis, Mercedes, I won't be gone for long 

Hope I would change before I do wrong 

All day and night, stressing in this dome 

Once in a while, you get to touch a phone 

But at least I get to see my dad 

Thinking about being locked up, turns me mad 

Momma's sad 

But it's too late for all that 

But when I get out, I'ma be back where I was at 

And that's a fact 

Mobbing to this day, it don't stop 

-Caprice 

From The Beat: Your best friend should have been yourself. If you 
gave someone information that they could use to get themselves out 
of a situation, then you put yourself here, nobody else. Time to take 
responsibility for your own actions, and not point the finger. The judge 
is not out of her mind, but if you think you can avoid the consequences 
of your actions, then maybe you're not in your right mind! The entire 
criminal justice system, from juvenile hall to death row, is based on a 
foundation of snitching, and that will never change. The only thing you 
can do is change your act so that you are back in control of your life. But 
instead, you advertise here that when you get out you're going right 
back to what got you here. Do the same, expect the same... 



Living The Doubie Life 



Yes, I do live the double life because it works. I am used 
to doing good at home and school, but then, again, I 
like to hang out and have fun. This double life affects 
me at home and school because somehow it always gets 
in the way of my plans. Yes, sometimes it does have me 
confused because I try to live both, but something always 
goes wrong. I always listen to my family first, because 
they won't lead me into danger. Yeah, if I just stay true to 
myself. No, because I feel it's a little easy to live both. 

-Yng 

From The Beat: First, we have to tell you that to write a Beat piece 
is not just to answer the questions we ask. In fact, you don't have to 
answer any of our questions to write a great piece. Just take the topic 
and see where it leads you in your own words. And second, how can you 
see living the double life "works" when you're writing those words from 
behind walls? Would you be locked up if it worked? If this is working for 
you, we'd hate to see what happens when things don't work. 



^ 



Waiting 



\ 



What's good with The Beat? This yo' boy V-Guttah waiting 
for the day to get on. But 'til then, I'm in here chillin' 
trying to kill time and all the shhh. But when I get out, all 
y'all ninjas betta get ready for me, y'all heard. Man, I can't 
wait 'til I leave this hole, so I can put shhh back in place, 
y'all dig. Ninjas wonder why I stress that I am the best. 
That's all I can write for now. Til then, I'm out. 
I -V-G 

I From The Beat: We're waiting, too — for you to write something that has 

I some greater meaning than this, to teach us something about who you 

I are and what you want, to give us a sense that you have learned some 

I things and don't want to repeat this experience. Yeah... we're waiting. 



All Kinds Of Actinns 



What's good with The Beat? Huhhh, it's all kinds of 

"actions" in vocabulary, so I made a lil' rap like: 

They say money is the motivation 

But it my occupation 

You thinkin' violation 

You on some medication 

It ain't no hesitation 

It come with regulation 

Thinkin' 'bout cancellation 

Then it's extermination 

You try some segregation 

We losin' population 

You copy that quotation 

But ain't no imitation 

You try impersonation 

Then it's assassination 

They trying operations 

But ain't no revelations 

So then it dedication 

Time for yo' elevation 

I call it renovation 

Just like elimination 

That end my presentation 

No time for punctuation! 

-Lil' Skippa 

From The Beat: This inspires us to do a little rap of our own. VJstnna hear 
it? Here it go: "You've got skills, as well you know/You can put words 
together and make a flow/But skills alone don't guarantee/That you will 
grow up and be free/That requires goals to set and goals to follow/So 
that skillful words won't ring hollow/Of course, fame has come to some 
imprisoned/But all such men wish they had listened/Instead, they chose I 
to ignore the calls/And so they write from behind four thick walls! I 



Gning To County Jail 



\ 



J L 



'Sup Beat? What's good? Being in here is way better 
than being in Log Cabin Ranch. Why? Because I'm not 
catching any dead time. And I get to see my fam every day, 
three calls a week, and all that stuff. 

Anyways, I'm going to 850 right after my birthday. I'm 
going to do seven months, go home without probation, 
forget about group homes. And when I go back home, I'm 
'bout to smack some stuff, kick it with my ninjas, be with 
my fams, do it big, see what's good wit h the grapes an' 
Hen'. So I'm glad that I'm going into 850, do my time and 
go home. 

-Eb 

From The Beat: You may be glad that you're going to the county to do 
your time so that you're off paper when you get out, but we don't see 
much planning for when that happens, and without planning, you're 
allowing someone else to plan for you. Kicking it with the homies, 
having sex with your girl, getting high — none of those things requires 
any thought at all, and without thought, you won't be able to hold onto 
the thing you want most right nov/ — freedom! Think of what you want 
after you satisfy your need for self-gratification, and then think hard 
about how to go about achieving those longei^term goals. 



fa 




.-/rA/v#>^v mffwmmmj! ^/^/.^^ff 




//// // 



Cleanin' Up 



^' f 



What's good with The Beat? Lil' Skippa holdin' it down. 
But check it. I been in this thing for a minute, so I'm 
pretty much on crew 80% of the time. I done seen some 
dirty shhh! 

One of the most dirtiest thing I done seen was 
somebody decided to take a dump and throw it behind 
the refrigerator. I wanted to slap the hell outta bruh. 

But yeah, my cleanin' skills always seem to transfer 
with me to the outs, so my room stay clean. 

-Lil' Skippa 

From The Beat: That's a pretty disgusting story! But when we waiic to 
woric on these filthy streets, we're not that surprised. Human beings can 
be the dirtiest animals on earth, when they want to be. But good for 
you for keeping it clean in here and out there. 



RIPS 



I would like to honorably dedicate this to my dead 
homies, startin' off with Antwaniesha aka Nish. I first 
met her in middle school at Martin Luther King. Next, 
Marcus who I also went to the same school with. As well 
as Berrell and Lil' Wagga, the block homie Big Ben. And 
last but not least, Ming Lee aka The Legend. 

I'm finna share a few stories about these people and 
why I chose them. Antwaniesha because she was really 
on her a game, goin' to college on the lil' college TV news. 
And out of respect for her and her brother Chop and 
cousin Boe, she wasn't even beefin' with nobody, just a 
innocent female at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Marcus an Rell 'cause them was the homies, and e'ry 
time I look at my yearbook, I see all three of them at least 
twice. 

Wagg 'cause I met him when I was like 12, and every 
time he used to look at me funny. Then one day I asked 
why he always looked at me like that, and he said 'cause 
he thought I was messin' with his girl. But afta that, we 
was coo'. 

And Ming Lee, I met him through his lil' brother 'cause 
we went to elementary school with each otha. Then he 
was messin' with my fam, and I didn't even know 'til one 
day he came to the house, and I was like, "Don't I know 
you?" And he said yeah. My fam and his fam been close 
and we didn't even know. But I miss him the most 'cause 
he was like a brother to me. 

-Young Dunny 

From The Beat: We admire your desire to pay tribute to these fallen 
friends. Do you think the reasons they have passed out of this world 
are worth the loss? Do you ever thinic about how everyone is connected 
to someone who loves them and mourns them sk% much sk% you loved and 
mourn your own losses? Are you doing anything to change the odds 
that one day, someone who loves you might be writing a similarly sad 
and tragic remembrance of what you meant to them? 



\ 



live I) The Gin! 

Days and days I gotta watch my back, 24 hours, 7 days 
a week! I have enemies that I have to worry about! I got 
goons and family that got my back and that's going to ride 
to the death! Some that I grew up with and would have my 
back 'til the end, but when it come down to something 
hard, they break down! Me, I got all my homies back until 
they turn on me. That's when I break my word! We all we 
got! 

-Wink 

From The Beat: We're tempted to say "grow up," because this sounds 
like the games that children play without thought of consequences 
— "cowboys and Indians," "good guys and bad guys." But the tragedy 
is, so many boys your age will never grow up, never grow any older 
than the moment that bullet ended everything for all time. Forget your 
"enemies" for a moment, and thinic about the weeping mothers left 
behind. What do they mean to you? 



^ 



U 



My Motivation Is My Fotore 



\ 



Wha's up wit' it. Beat? This yo' girl. Angel, still in here. I 
can't wait to get out. They sending me to Colorado. I been 
here since January 2. I'm trying to hold my head up, but I 
be getting frustrated sometimes. I'm being patient. That's 
the only thing I can do. When I get out, I'ma try to stay 
out. My motivation is my future. 

-Angel 

From The Beat: Learning to be patient is a great skill that you'll need all 
through your life. We know you want a better future than your past, so 
just keep your eye% on the prize. Good luck! 



I Need Sooie Sooi Oifltmeot 



I'm disappointed I'm doin' bad. God, I need some soul 

ointment. 

The judge turn me down every time I attend an 

appointment 

Listen to me, y'all do what's important 

'Cause you will wanna do what's important 

I realized that this is getting' old 

I'm tired of bein' in here 'cause somebody told 

Yeah, listen to me y'all, do what yo' told 

Just listen... Put yo' ear to the streets 

This here is another quick one for The Beat 

-B-Luva 

From The Beat: This may be quick, but it's not shallow. We love the line 
about needing soul ointment, and we wish we could provide it to you. 
But really, you are the one who has to find that balm and apply it to 
your soul. Each time you let yourself be put in a box for strangers to 
tell you what to do, you'll find yourself more in need of that comforting 
ointment. You will be leaving this place (if not sk% soon sk% you'd like), 
and that's when you have to do your most serious thinking about what 
you want in your life, and what plan you have for getting it. Unless you 
do that step, you'll never find the balm you're looking for. I 



Dlsappoifltmoflt 

The biggest disappointment is when I put the street life 
in front of my family. I was selling dope, weed, powder, and 
pills. I put money in front of my family, basically saying 
forget tiiem. Even when I ran away from my group home, 
my family had a house for me, and I chose the streets. 
This Lil' Bra. I'm out. Holla. 

-London 

From The Beat: Have you thought about why you put these other things 
ahead of the family that loves you? If you don't think about the why, 
then what will change when you get out of here? I 



I Wl 



\ 



Fake Peeile 

What's up? This Beat Within about fake people 'cause 
it's certain people in this thing as we speak that don't got 
no integrity, feel me. 

Like on some otha shhh, the dude that got my mind 
on this topic when he was in this unit he didn't have shhh 
to say. Didn't even come out his room or eat except if staff 
made him. Know he around people from places he cool 
with, and think he the hardest ninja walkin', but for real, 
if you ain't gone be yo'self 100%, what make you real? 

I do me all day without a problem 'cause whateva 
happen gone happen. But me, my life is too real for me to 
be fake. And if you think I'm fake, let me know why you 
think that. But everybody keep it real with yo'self. 

-Young Dunny 

From The Beat: Although we agree with your advice to be yourself, 
we're not altogether %ute what that means. Is it possible that the dude 
you describe who wanted to stay in his room was being true to himself 
by staying away from perceived enemies (and avoiding trouble), or even 
friends, when he wanted to ivork on his own issues in his oivn way? 
Judging others is always a risky thing to do, so we don't know if he was 
keeping it "real" or not. 



1 








i 


^m j^-^jziMi^uitkJ^-^ Mwmj^mm ji j^ ///.¥// // ////// j^ / y m^m 








^^^^ ^^K 












Living The Doubie Life x 

To me, ain't no such thing as living the double life. You 
either in it or you ain't because you might get caught 
slipping trying live that good life, then come to the 'hood 
like everything sweet. So you either go live that good life 
or that 'hood life. 
I'm out. 

-Bm 

From The Beat: This is a pretty disappointing piece, a lazy answer to a 
more complicated question. Were you living the 'hood life or the good 
life before you came in here? We're guess the hood life, but that didn't 
keep you from slipping, did it? We want you to write more. We want 
you to think more. We want you to show that you're moving from boy 
to man. Where^ the evidence? 




Not Tiiini(in' \ 

When I was out on the run, I was on my toes, getting' 
my dough. You know, bobbin' and weavin', not thinkin'. I 
wasn't Anna go down because I wasn't robbin' or bustin' 
no gun. But I messed around and go town fa someone 
else driven retarded. Now I'm here for 18 months. 

-Andreaus 

From The Beat: There are a couple of things that we can't understand. 
When you say "on the run," does that mean you had run from a program? 
If so, then you really weren't thinicing, because sooner or later you 

to read that you weren't robbing or shooting, but still, you put yourself 
at risk, and now you have a long time to think. 








n^»i.i^i:£^ \. 




MuGi) Love \ 

What's good with The Beat? This Ulala up in the weak 
max unit waitin' to get the hell up outta here! But yeah, 
I'm tired of this bs, watching my folks come visit me even 
though I already told 'em it's a'ight, they don't have to 
come. But still they insisted, and they always say, "It's ' 
easy for you to say." And it's true. Now I realize how hurt 
they are. 

So that's it for The Beat. And for my brahs, love y'all. 
Keep ya head. 

-Ulala 

From The Beat: It seems like you are maturing enough to see that the 
love you express for your family, that continues to sacrifice for you by 
coming here to visit, has to be back up with action. If you stop hurting 
them (by coming here), then you'll also stop hurting yourself. It% time. 


Doubie Life \ 

I was working and going to school and picking up my lil' 
sis when she got out. And after that I was outside doing 
my thang. I was at home cleaning my room and mopping 
the floor. 

-Dre 

From The Beat: You can give u% more than this, and un\e%% you do give u% 
more, we won't bother to put it in The Beat. Start sharing your thinking, 
and not just a couple of sentences that skim the surface. For example, 
do you feel like you've let your sister down because you're not there to 
pick her up? Do you see any connection between doing your "thang" 
outside, and being here, inside? Does it matter to you that you've left 
people behind who depended on you because other things were more 
important? Is there any connect between the laziness that is reflected 
in these two-sentence pieces and where you are in life? 
















Disappointment \ 

What's up with The Beat? This that ninja Na-Na writin' 
'bout what disappoint me. What disappoint me is when 
I see one of them ninjas on the outs, and they be like, 
"What's up wit' it, bra?" They be cool an' want to mess 
wit' a ninja, but when you see ninjas in the halls, they 
talk shhh through the windows, saying you a sucka-ass 
ninja. That's what disappoint me a lot. 

-Na-Na 

From The Beat: Well, we had to take out that "little somethin" you 
added to this piece, 'cause it read too much like a threat. Is there . 

Hoidin' It Down \ 

What's up with The Beat? This yo' boy Lee. Man, my PO 
tryna send me hella far, but it's good. I'ma knock it out, 
do my time, get back to the streets when I'm 18. 

But my real name Sheldon, and I'm holdin' it down for 
my cousin. 

-Sheldon 

From The Beat: We had to take out your last sentence because there^ 

say you're going to "knock out" your time, that doesn't tell u% anything 
about how you plan to u%e your time, and what you hope to do when 
you get back to the street. You can give u% much more than this. Show 
u% that you are thinking, and then share some of those thoughts. That's ■ 
what a Beat piece should be. 












Deati) Before Disiionor \ 

Death and destruction 

I'm going out bustin' 

My guys stay cussin' 

The 'hood what I shout out, then I go all out 

Facing these demons every day I'm gone ball out 

Why did I choose this life... 

'Cause I needed a wife 

So I proposed to the game, now I'm wit' it for life 

Never snitch on a boy 'cause that just ain't right 

You run and tell that man because you can 

So I stay far away unless I'm playing my way 

Mook with this poem, I'm gone for the day 

-Mook 

From The Beat: If losing your freedom (for longer and longer time) is 
not enough to make you think hard about what you're doing, then you 
should visit a physical rehab, center some time and take a look at those 
young men who thought, like you, that it was sk% simple sk% "live by 
the gun, die by the gun." Instead, they are confined to wheelchairs; 
they need Mi aide to wipe their sk%%\ they can't eat without assistance; 
sometimes part of their brains are gone, and they can't talk. Since 
nobody knows what life holds in the future (even if you think you 
know), we hold out hope that you grow to see there is another way to 






- 


Disappointment \ 

'Sup with The Beat, mane. Well, this that street ninja 
aka Goof Troop livin' this max out life on the max unit. 
Well, the way this ninja deals with his disappointment... 
honestly, I take it out on others. Not on my fam bam but 
on my enemies, maybe even on my girl. I try to handle 
my anger when the shhh hit the fan, but it don't always 
work that way. Sometimes people's feelings get hurt or 
physical. I know its not good but I try. 

-Goof Troop 

From The Beat: We wonder, when you read this back, if even you sound 
fair to yourself. You %sk^ you know it's not good, but is that good enough? 
Have you ever tried to look carefully at this habit of yours, and to see 
if there might be a more constructive (or, at least, less destructive) way 
to handle your problems? 








Planning To Cliange \ 

I was happy for my ninja whan he got out. Shhh, now I'm 
trying to get the hell out. When I do get out — hopefully 
soon — I ain't coming back to this hole, and I'ma try to 
keep my ninjas from coming here. 

Oh yeah, I hope I beat my 707 case. I plan to change 
my ways when I'm on the outs. That's all I could say. 

-Young Lano 

From The Beat: Write u% a piece that lays out all the ways you plan 
to change when you get out of here. How will you keep yourself from 
coming back. How will you keep your homies from coming here? Now, 
that would make skn interesting piece. 


M 








f 








//// // 



Hopeless/Useless 



X f 



What's good with The Beat? It's ya boy, Tha Dude, 
located at the Ranch. I'm 'bout to spit how I feel this 
incarceration shhh — it's useless. The system thinks 
incarcerating people makes them want to change, but i 
it doesn't do nothing but make the situation worse. The | 
only way a man or woman will change, is if they really I 
wanna change. But to keep it real, \ 

I can only speak for myself. I know that being locked 
up don't change me or my mentality. It's more hopeless 
than that — it's useless, because, well, I know that the 
high person(s) lock people up for the money (because 
everything in this world gotta do with tha currency, but 
that's a whole different page and a different topic.) j 

So it's useless for them to lock me up, because I'm go' I 
keep doing me. This ain't my first time being locked, and I 
it ain't go' be my last. As I'm writin' this letter, I've been ' 
down sixteen months, and the only thing being locked 
up do to me is make me wanna step my game harder (I 
think about things I might of did wrong in the situation 
that got me locked and I get them down to perfection, but 
nothing's perfect.) But I'm 'bout to leave it at this. Beat. 

-Tha Dude 

From The Beat: You could consider what you did wrong on the outs that 
messed you up, got you arrested, sent to the hails and eventually to 
the Ranch, and woric it out in your mind perfectly, so when you get out 
you'll keep on doing whatever brought you into juvy, but next time you 
won't, ideally, get caught. Or you might get busted your first time back 
out, for some reason your imagination didn't foresee and deal with, and 
get sent straight back to juvy, to state prison, or worse. 

1 I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I ' 

/t was real I If mif fa^/t that 
I Missed his hirthdatf. 



7444 



Escape From The Halls 



■\ 



Man the hall is weak as hell! Max unit is weak as hell! 
And for y'all who think I'm just complaining, forget y'all. 
Damn, all these new halls and people escaping. They 
say the high security, but there really not. So far, I got on 
from the halls for a good five weeks, and some other cat j 
got on from Hillcrest, the San Mateo hall. My opinion on 
this is that it's only the beginning. 

-Big Angel 

From The Beat: We don't know if you're right or wrong about your 
prediction, but we think it's not the right focus for you. These places are 
designed to incarcerate young people like you, and so your focus should 
be on what you can do so that you aren't one of those young people. 
The only sure way to escape the halls is not to come to them in the first 
(or second, or third) place... 



M) Bri Birtbdiy 



X 



What's up wit' it. Beat? Man, I'm mad as hell 'cause my 
big bra birthday was last week and I missed it 'cause I 
was locked up. I could've seen him on his birthday at my 
family visit. But my PO cancelled it 'cause I was doing 
bad in the unit. 

It was really my fault that I missed his birthday 'cause 
I knew he was coming from his home pass from ROP, but 
I kept doing bad. That led to something not good and 
my PO cancelled my family visit. So I'm sorry big bra, I 
missed yo' 18th birthday. 

-Lil' Canon 

From The Beat: We're sorry you messed up and missed your brother's 
birthday. At least you are taking responsibility for this consequence. But 
it proves (again) that when you make bad decisions, the consequences 
affect not just you, but also the ones that you love. 



J L 



Real And Fake 



\ 



What's good with The Beat? It's ya boy, Yung Chink, 
holdin' it down as the usual. Well, today's topic I am going 
to spit and acknowledge y'all on are "real" and "fake" 
ninjas. 

A "real" ninja can only be a few thangs. Here is a couple. 

1. Be real to your loyal thugs and family and never cross 
them. 

2. Don't act selfish to your love ones, let everybody eat 
and get they shine on. 

3. Share the wealth. 

4. Respect everybody in your circle the same. 

5. Lead, never follow. 

6. Never snitch. 

Now a "fake" ninja can be a lot of things. So many thangs 
I need more than one sheet of paper, but here is a couple 
for you. 

1. Selfish. 

2. Follower. 

3. Sucka. 

4. Hater. 

5. And a snitch. 

Which category do you fall in? Me, well, you know I am a 
"real" ninja and forever gon' be a "real" ninja. One thang 
I didn't mention about a real ninja is I am independent, 
forever and always. Fo' my fam and "real" thugs, stay true 
and keep ya heads up. Ain't too many of us nowadays. 

-Chinky 

From The Beat: OK, now why don't you write more about yourself next 
week? In what ways are you independent? How are you generous with 
your loved ones? Who do you lead? Where do you lead them in ways 
that will help them? How do you help anyone to get his/her shine on? 



Cell Phones 



\ 



My cell phone story is I hate when my phone go dead. I 
would be in a good conversation and my phone die on me. I 
always lose my cell and have to get a new one. I be mad when 
I lose all my numbers. I have a lot of pictures in my phone 
and ring tones, so now I don't download a lot of songs and 

I don't take a lot of pictures. 
-Ebony 
From The Beat: How would your day change if you just didn't have a cell 
phone at all? Would things getter more difficult, or less? 



Better Beat Covers 



N 



What's up. Beat Man? I'm writing to you today to talk 
about these weak ass drawings in The Beat that y'all 
have been publishing! Man, y'all publishing anything 
nowadays. I'm tired of seeing these weak ass Chinese 
characters and gay ass Spidermen up in The Beat. What 
happened to the old Beat that used to publish them sick 
ass prison drawings with deep meanings and shhh we can 
relate to? The drawings nowadays seem like something 
my lil' brother would draw. Y'all publishing stick figure 
drawings now! Come on, man, step yo' game up. Beat! 
Y'all need to get back in contact with Michael Orozco and 
tell him to draw y'all some more pictures, but until then, 
I ain't messin' with y'all! This yo' boy. Smoke, up at the 
Ranch. 

-Smoke 

From The Beat: Well, you're home now, so we'll send you the latest 
Beats that feature Orozco drawings again, as well as your writings. But 
why are you dissing other draivings? You know we have all kinds of 
illustrators who draw for The Beat, who create many different creatures 
and characters. It^ too bad you never drew anything for The Beat while 
you lAfere at the Ranch, so yve could have seen what you'd produce! 



^ 




r/r A/v#>^v mmMHmm j^ / ^ ^ 




//// // 



This Double Life 



This life that I live confuses me. 

I live this life 

Like one day Fm a gang-banger living the bad life. 

Then the next day 

Fm living the good life playing my sports and wanting to 

do good. 

But then in my head, 

It's telling me to live the bad life and that no one cares. 

Do what the homies do, go out, use drugs, go party. 

Do all the things you wanna' do. 

But then on the other hand. 

My mother crying, saying, 

"Why, why do you choose this life? 

It's just gonna be ruining your time." 

I don't know what to do anymore, who do I choose to 

satisfy? 

My hommies or my mama? 

It's pretty hard to choose, 

please oh please, help me somebody. 

I struggle everyday wondering what to do about this 

double life. 

Should I choose? 

If I would, I think I would have to go with my life. 

Would want to be famous, or get an education, or play 

professional basketball. 

Living the good life. 

That's my double life story of what's been 

And never wanna go through again. 

-Antonette 

From The Beat: You need to ask yourself who's more important to you, 
your mother or your "homies." Who wants to see you succeed and who 
wants to just have a good time? You asic if you should choose, we think 
that you have a right to choose what's going to make you happy. Be 
brave and do what's right! 




A Rap About Cliange 



Since I was little my mom taught me to be good 

But all my life I was raised in the hood 

People raised wealthy ain't ever under stood 

Change my life I use to wish I could 

It's hard to stay focused with evil in your face 

Every day of the week gang banging was the case 

Who would have thought the d-homes where I'd end up? 

But now I have a second chance, it that enough? 

It is if I make it 

I got a chance to change my life, and I'm not goin' to 

stake it 

I do believe in change and I'm not gonna fake it 

If my hood says I've changed, I have for the better 

Now I know there's more ways then one to get the 

Cheddar. 

-Ryan 

From The Beat: Ryan its one thing to say it and another to do it. As the 
saying goes "talk is cheap" Follow your words and do just sk% you say. 
You have a second chance, make that change to better your life. 



My B-l-G Disappointment 



\ 



My disappointment in my life is getting into the 
system. 

I started out by fighting in school, and getting searched 
and they ended up finding drugs. 

I started with one year of probation, and they started 
giving me drug tests. At first I was passing them all, and 
then I started to not give a crap. It went to one dirty drug 
test then two and more. 

My probation was trying to help me but I wasn't 
listening. Finally, she had enough and had an arrest 
warrant for my arrest. I kind of was on the run, but I was 
in my house so they could have picked me up any time 
they wanted. Finally one day getting out of work around 
noon, we got stopped by a cop and I said, "damn it, I'm 
going to face the consequences now. "I told him my name 
instead of a fake name, and now I'm here in this stupid 
joint. 

-Jander 

From The Beat: it sounds like you were starting to do well, but then sk% 
you %sk^ you gave up. Face your consequences now; and get out of jail 
and start doing right. Finish school, get a good job so you can do the 
things you want, and not have to worry about being locked up. 



^ 



Disappointed My Jodge 

I disappointed Judge Zamora, I ran from treatment 
foster care, and I disappointed her because I said I was 
not going to run. For some reason I just could not stand 
being away from my family. 

I've been in and out of JDC for 2 years, and these 
last years that went by I have not achieved anything. The 
reason for that is because everybody was always trying to 
help me but I did not want to help my self. The only way 
is to get treatment; I think treatment will help me with my 
drug addiction and this I think I need before it's too late. 

-Peter 

From The Beat: One thing to remember, being aiway from your family 
lAfhile in treatment is only a short term process. With in a few months 
you'll be back with your family, but you have to want to make the 
change. If not, you'll only end up back in the same place you are noiw. 
Running gets you no where, because with time you'll have to face the 
problems anyway. 



Tiie Painfui Dooiiie Life 



When I start living the gang-life, I don't think I'm going 

to stop the gang stuff. 

But when I do a crime, it makes me sad. 

I start thinking, "Why did I do that?" 

But I get over it like in a day. 

When I play football, it makes me happy. 

And my auntie will say that at least I'm doing something good. 

When I detail cars, it makes me happy. 

-Charles 

From The Beat: You %x^ you don't think you'll stop the gang stuff, we 
think that's your biggest mistake. You stated that you get over doing 
a crime in a day. You don't have a conscience and that will send you 
to prison one day. Do what makes you happy and keeps you out of 
like playing football and detailing cars. 



trouble. 



Living Tiie Donble Life 



u 



To me living a double life is playing football and being in 
a gang, but I am not confused because I know what I am 
going to do when I grow up. I am going to be a mechanic 
and I'm going to be a good husband and a good father. 

-Mathew 

From The Beat: It's good that you know what you want to be when you 
grow up, but statistics show that the longer your in a gang the more 
chances you have of getting killed or put in prison. How will you be able 
to live the life you want when you get locked up or at worst killed now 
that you are living the double life of a gang member? 



fa 



1 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



X 



Goodbire Beat 

What's up Beat? This is going to be the last time I write 
in the Beat. I'm leaving on Tuesday to the ranch. 

I can't wait until I go to the ranch. I've been in here 
for about three months. So I'm excited to leave because I 
want to have an O-T so I can see my beautiful baby girl. 

I'm going to miss writing in The Beat. I've been writing 
in the Beat since I got here and now this is going to be the 
last one I write. It's been fun talking to The Beat Within 
staff too. They're really nice people. Well Beat, I'm going 
to let you guys go. Goodbye! Take care! 

-Elissa 

From The Beat: And you take care. We're glad we could offer you a 
chance to get things off your chest. You can write from wherever you 
are, if you'd like to. Best! 



Disappointing My Sister 

What's up Beat? Today's topic is about disappointment. 
The time that I disappointed someone was when I didn't 
go to my little sisters fifth birthday party because I got 
locked up. My whole family and my lady expected me to 
be there. I disappointed everyone who was there, and I 
wish I never got locked up. If I never got locked up, my 
little sister would have her whole family there and it 
would have been the happiest day for her. So that's all for 
this topic. Until next time. 

-J.R. 

From The Beat: It^ hard to be the source of disappointment to one sk% 
young sk% your little sister. How will you make it up to her? We hope the 
answer includes the plan never to allow yourself to be taken from your 
family again. 



Disappointmeit 



X 



Last time I was disappointed was towards myself. Not 
only did I disappoint myself but also my parents. 

Last time I was out I was suppose to get my shhh 
together but there I was out slippin' again. 

Over and over I've told my parents I'm going to do 
good and when I get out that's what I plan to do. I'm going 
to stop causing them disappointment, and myself too. 
Don't get me wrong - I'll still do what I do, and have my 
ol' ways - but as for school and a job, I would work with 
that. Alrato Beat. 

-Nessa 

From The Beat: Sorry, but you can't have it both ways. Your childish street 
ways and the right way don't mix. If you want to stop disappointing 
your parents, and yourself, then do the right thing and kiss the sinister 
ways goodbye. Otherwise, we'll see you in the hall, until it's time for 
county, and then.... 



First Time Writer 



What's up all Beat readers and Beat Within people? This 
is my first time writing to the Beat. I was locked up last 
time, but got to APA (Alternative Placement Academy) 
and now I'm back for a more serious crime. I didn't really 
write the last time I was in here. This time I might write 
more often. I also wrote some other ones maybe they will 
get there under "Cisco". 

Well, I'ma take it down in a bit so till next time much 
love to my brother Javier and his lady and Mumbles and 
to the familia. 

-Cicso 

From The Beat: We already read (edited) and commented on your very 
long poem, so you already know how impressed we are with your 
ivriting sicills. Now that we see this is your first time writing for u%, iwe 
are even more impressed. But being impressed with your writing is not 
the same sk% being impressed with your thinking. So we hope you share 
some more of that with us, so we can understand where you are and 
hoiAf you got there. 



\ 



1 



X 



I I 






Wkei I Thiik I! toi 



\ 



When I think of you I think about my life. 

Will it be the same if you weren't by my side? 

It's a question I ask myself 

every time I think of you, and I'm fine. 

It's like having you by my side. 

When I think of you I think of my best friend, 

my everything, 

something that completes the real me. 

When I think of you is when I'm happy! 

And that's why I love you! 

-M's Girl 

From The Beat: Hey MG, we prefer not to print love letters. As we've said 
many times, a love letter should be sent to the person you're writing 
about. We'll print this one, but next time, send the letter directly to the 
object of your affection. 



3 



My Disappnintment 



\ 



One of my disappointments that I've had in life was when 
I let my family down when I told them I wouldn't do what 
I did to get in the hall last time. But I did it again, and I 
found myself back in the hall. 

This time my family was really disappointed in me. 
They wouldn't even talk to me for a month, and now I 
facing charges like assault on a peace officer and assault 
with a deadly weapon. My mom won't even acknowledge 
me in my visits. She won't even accept my apology. So I 
sometimes wonder why she visits me. 

Well, that's what disappointed me. 

-Niko 

From The Beat: It sounds like you have been surprised by the personal 
consequences you're now having to face for your actions, and not just 
the system^ consequences. We can imagine how much it hurts you to 
have your mother so disappointed in you that she can't accept your 
apology, but can you imagine how much it hurts her to see you in here? 
T^ust is a hard thing to earn, especially when you've broken promises in 
the past. But it can be earned back over time if your words of apology 
are accompanied by actions. If you make a promise to yourself not to 
let your family down again — and if you keep that promise — you'll find 
that you also won't be letting yourself down again. 



1 



Disappnintment 



X 



Well Beat let me tell you something. I disappointed my 
jefa (mom) and I disappointed myself. Because I was 
looking for a job and I got the job but on that Saturday I 
got arrested and now I'm here and in two weeks I'm leaving 
to L.A. to start my time in Y.A. That's how I disappointed 
everybody, even myself. 

-Victor 

From The Beat: Sometimes, Victor, the biggest mistakes or 
disappointments in our lives are the greatest lessons we learn. What 
have you learned from this disappointment? Do you think you will do 
anything differently once you leave Y.A.? We hope to continue hearing 
from you once you leave. Make sure to tell us how you've changed. 







A Bad Scene 



"X 



What's crackin' Beat? Well today hasn't really been a 
good day for me. First of all, I got an hour for some stupid 
origami shhh that we couldn't have for giving attitude and 
talking back. 

On top of that, a counselor came in trying to act like 
he knows what I've been going thru when the reason I'm 
here is because of him. Then after that, staff restrained 
my best friend right in front of my face. They slammed 
her in the window and I couldn't help her out. So far she's 
cool, except that they broke her wrist. 

-Delicious 

From The Beat: It does sound like a very bad day. Things will get better. 
We hope your friend^ wrist isn't broken. And we hope you're folding 
cranes again, soon. 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



Always Here To Stay 



X f 



What up Beat? 
Well, today Fm going to write about living the everyday 

daily life in the 'hood 

Where the palm trees stay high and drink all day even 

till the sun leaves the sky 

In the' hood is were the females like to be kickin' it with 

the homies 

Black and gold is all they see 

Also I can't forget the fact I can combine the homies 

with the family 

When I walk down the street what do I see, 

Nothing but the enemy eying me 

Seems like I can never get away 

Please believe I'm still standing here through this very 

day 

Sippin' on tequila and Tangaray 

Just know that I'm always here to stay 

-J.R. 

From The Beat: Even though you're in the hall/You write that you're still 
standin' tall/So when you say that you're "always here to stay"/Do you 
mean living free or locked aiAfay?/if all you think of is getting drunk 
and getting high/Hoiv long ivill it be before you crash iwhen you fly?/ 
Without some changes, you risk a terrible find;/ That those females you 
kick it with will be only in your mind! 



RIP Jose M. 



This song is dedicated to Jose Merales, Rest in Peace 

with all my heart. 

Aqui estoy thinking about you carnalito. 

Every time you cross my mind tu sabes que me aguito. 

I remember when we used to kick it and have a blast. 

It's hard to believe that was back in the past. 

I remember those times like it was yesterday. 

If you're here and I was there it all be the same way. 

I never thought we have to go through anything like this. 

I just sit back and say Rest in Peace. 

All the homies got your name tattooed 

behind their backs, necks and some on their chest and 

arms just to show respect. 

Simon carnal you're in our mente all the time. 

Tu eres primo, you will never stay behind. "Rest in 

Peace!" 

-Rigoberto 

From The Beat: First of all, we are so sorry for your loss Rigoberto. It is 
always so difficult to lose someone you love. It is clear from this piece 
that you are still mourning your loss. Writing about it is a good way 
to grieve and deal with your loss. Are there other things you can do 
to help you deal? Jose is luclcy to have people who loved and still love 
him so much. 



From The Beat: Make sure that new stuff you're waiting for is good 
stuff. You are a smart young woman. The only thing holding you back is 
yourself. You make sure those partners of yours are up to good things. 
Nothing less will do. We're expecting good things of you. 



I I 



\ I 



Cai'tWiit \ I 

What it do with my peeps and The Beat? Me, I'm cool - 
just waiting for something new to happen. 

I was supposed to have court today, but I guess not. I 
haven't had a visit, and no letter in a cool lil' minute. 

I'm still stressing but not like last week. I miss my 
patnas on the real. I can't wait to reunite with them. I 
miss my grandma hella much. 

I can't wait to get out. I'm going to do good when I get 
out. The first thing I'm doing when I get out is go to my 
city. 

I'm tired of this food. I want to slap some Lil' Wayne 
up in here so bad. That's my favorite rapper off top. Well, 
like Lil Wayne says: I'm stuntin' like my daddy. 

-Sephina 



u 



Real Talk 



\ 



There's this dude in my unit that says there's like 4 or 5 
people in his head. Anyways, he attacks me one day. Then 
someone else the next. So does that mean that "they" 
ganged up and fought five against one, or was it one on 
one? This is driving me nuts. 

What does The Beat have to say about this question 
because I feel bad about whoopin his ass, but if there 
were five of him I'd feel better. 

-Wolverine 

From The Beat: Depends on what kind of nuts you're talking about. We 
prefer almonds or macadamias. 



I'm Gone. Finally I'm Gnlng tn YA Alternative 

Q-onda Beat ,it's your homie Smokey, saying these pocas 
linias to say that next week I'm leaving. I'm going to YA 
Alternative. I'm doing 18 months in Los Angeles and pues 
next week I won't be here, so when you read this I will be 
over there. So I'm leaving before Friday, so all, stay up. Oh 
and pues simon Beat I'm gonna do my time. God Bless. 

-Rigoberto 

From The Beat: We are glad you're moving on Rigoberto. We have had 
many pieces from you here at The Beat and we hope you continue 
writing. We hope to hear from you! 



The Day I Got My Scar 



This is that homeboy Chuko, telling you about the day I 
got my scar. I remember that day like it was yesterday. 

My homeboy called me to pick him up at the mall, 
later on we were at the park, and five cars filled with rival 
gang members tried rushing us. 

We were about twenty-plus deep and when they 
rushed us, we ended up six-deep. They had weapons in 
their hands like bottles and bats. We didn't have any 
weapons on us. They ganged up on us and each one of us 
had a few people on us. This guy threw a bat towards me 
and landed on the floor. I picked it up, he pulled out a golf 
club, and he swung at me and missed. Then he swung at 
me again and hit my right hand and left me a scar that 
was the day I got my scar. 

-Chuko 

From The Beat: That's how people lose their lives. It could have been 
worse. You gotta learn to appreciate your life. If you don't take care 
of it, no one will for you. Life is not a game and you are playing a 
game that can bring tears and %skAne%% to your life and those who care 
for you. Before it gets too difficult, get rid of this gangster life. Sxyie 
yourself. There are many things in life to explore and to enjoy than 
what you are playing. Think about it. Don't let another person write a 
story about how you lost his life. 



Living The Dnuble Life 



Hey Beat! It's me, once again. Well, today's topic caught 
my eye, and I wanna drop a couple of lines on it. 

Well, I know how it is 'cause I lived a double life for a 
minute. It kinda sucked because it kept leading me back 
here. It's hard because you got to make so many choices 
between your family and friends. I got sick of it, so I made 
a choice for me. That choice was to change my life and be 
a decent girl, like I'm suppose to be. 

My life is somewhat better but I sometimes feel 
myself go back to my old ways, and that's how I got back 
here. I've got no excuses but all I got to do is keep myself 
motivated to not slip again. So, yeah, I chose the decent 
side because I don't want to die violently. I want to live a 
happy life. Thanks Beat! 

-Family or friends 

From The Beat: You are welcome. We want you to live a happy life. Make 
the right choices and you increase your chances, dramatically. 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



I'm So Tired 



rm so tired of coming back to the hall. 

rm so tired of the food. 

rm so tired of the drama. 

rm so tired of waking up every morning and going to 

sleep everyday at the same time. 

Fm tired of seeing me fall into the same footsteps as all 

friends. 

Fm so tired of seeing the pain in my step-mom's eyes. 

Fm so tired of the life I live, though I just don't seem to 

change. Hopefully when I get out of the ranch I can start 

fresh. 
And to all my loved ones... Stay up! 

-Tatiana 

From The Beat: Hey, we're tired of the same old stuff, too. We want to 
hear something exhilarating about you. if you want to change, you'll 
change. You're not a robot, are you? You're made of flesh and blood, 
aren't you? You have a brain, don't you? You can make decisions. No 
one forces you to stay sk% you are. So get with it. You don't have to 
become a saint overnight. But make a commitment to do something 
good, something better, no matter how small it may seem, everyday. 
Before long, you'll be able to look in the mirror and like what you see. 
Get started, now. 



I'm Out \ 

What's up Beat! I don't like the topics today, so Fll just 
do my own thing. I'm leaving to the Ranch next week. Fve 
been here for 10 months and Fm finally leaving. I guess 
I got really lucky at first. I was looking at 10 years in 
prison, then when witness was dropped I was looking at 
a few years in CYA. 

My PO and the D.A were pushing CYA, but my public 
defender was fighting for Ranch and I guess I got it. I gotta 
thank my public defender big time. He tried real hard to 
fight for me in court. They also went easy on me because 
I did well in here. 

I had a light record in here, they never hear of me 
getting into trouble (on the unit), and I was on supply 
too. I didn't think all that shhh really made a difference in 
court, but I guess not. I always see people in here showing 
off that they got locked up numerous times. 

I think it's stupid 'cause it means you got caught 
numerous times. You should just play smart only stupid 
people get locked up and the smart ones stay out. 

Alright Fll end it here. Later. 

-Xnotoriousviet 

From The Beat: We supposed that your behavior in juvenile really 



helped. Life has given you another big chance to enjoy time of your 
life. Well deserved!! It would be a shame if you waste this opportunity 
after people fought so hard to reduce your time sentence. We hope 
you do your ranch program and get back on track. Make a good thing 
foryourself. We so appreciate all your thoughts this past year! 



Disappointment In Me 

I deal with disappointment by thinking about it. 

When there is a situation that doesn't work my way, 
my feelings are angry, sad, and mad. I get angry a lot. I 
usually can't handle my anger in a good way. It usually 
ends out bad. 

A time I was disappointed was now. Fm disappointed 
in myself because Fm in here, and I might be away for a 
while. I know that when you're angry you can't run from 
your problems. Now I really want to try my hardest to 
control my anger. If I start to feel angry, I'm gonna take 
a break. Hopefully, by then I'll feel better. If not, I'll do 
something I enjoy to get my mind off my anger, before it 
takes over and I do something I'll be disappointed about. 

-Tommy 

From The Beat: We have no advice for you. You've obviously been 
thinking a lot about this. You're on the right track now. Don't give up. 



Hard Times 



\ 



I remember those days 

Kicking back in the 'hood 

Childhood memories 

When everything was going good 

Nowadays things ain't the same 

Think different and people change 

As I get older I see 

I caused my love ones only pain 

Living this life, full of sin 

Struggle to survive 

Around these oF friends 

Hoping to make it past the age of 25 

Learned how to fight. 

Caught slipping almost lost my own life 

With that forty five 

Decide to change my life 

To dry my mama's eyes 

-Ace 

From The Beat: Things changes throughout time and you should sk% well. 
One day, you'll wake up and realize that the life you've been living is 
fantasy, a fantasy that soon can be over if prevention is not applied. Be 
careful with what you play with. If you really want to change, change 
for yourself and those who love you. They don't deserve this from you. 



^ 



living The Double Life 



I I 



I had a homie that has a double life. When he kicked it 
with the homies and when he wasn't with us. For example 
he was going to take us to Wilcox to do something but 
then he fiaked on us for his lady. And when he would chill 
with us he would wear Cortez and Dickies but around his 
lady he dressed punk rock. 

-Wright 

From The Beat: It^ sometimes hard to understand why people do the 
things they do. Why do you think your friend led this 'double life'? Why 
do you think he didn't feel he could be who he really was and instead 
had to be two different people when he was around his friends and 
when he was around his girlfriend? Sometimes people pretend they're 
someone they're not to fit in. Do you think this was the case with your I 
friend? I 



! I 



Ireiis (Part-1) 



\ 



J I 



I I 



u 



Hey Beat, what cracking? Well I'm gonna talk about 
dreams. 

Well I had a crazy dream two day ago. It was hella 
scary 'cause I came back to my room, I fell asleep, and 
into a deep sleep. 

It was hella crazy 'cause at first I was dreaming, I was 
dying and my homeboy Dopey was in m cell! I ask him if 
I was dead. And he said look at your body, I looked and 
said, "What! How did I die?" And he told me that I was in 
coma. 

I was like, "look G, I freaking hate life." I looked up, 
you're dead and everyday I dream of you G! 

And he told me, "You think I'm going crazy? Every 
time I see you fight, I get mad! What do you know how 
I feel? I'm dead. I have to put up with my mom crying 
everyday 'cause I'm 6 feet deep. Man if my baby could just 
see me and I could just hold him. Do you know what I 
would do?" 

I told him back, "Do you know what I would do just 
to be dead?" Well I got to go, but I'll more next time and 
finish it. 

-Steven 

From The Beat: We would love to hear the ending part of your nightmare. 
Did you see a scary movie right before going to sleep? Or were you 
thinking about someone who's no longer in this life right before 
sleeping? Stay away from negative things that can make a nightmare 
a reality. 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



I Love You 



'X [ My Achievemeots - Beiog A Dad \ 



I know you're disappointed what all that I've done 
You didn't leave, so I know you're the one 

I've messed us up a couple of times 

I know my stuffs always been on your mind 

First it was the cheating, then all the lying 

We both knew it was true but I always stay'd denying 

It happened again a couple of times 

But in the end I'm glad you're still mine 

I've changed all of my ways; you know it's true 

You know baby girl, that I love you 

-Nathan 

From The Beat: Your writing is very true, Nathan. You're iucicy your 
significant other has stucic by you through all the difficult times both 
of you have been through. I hope she reads this poem so that she can 
icnow how much you care about her. If she can't or doesn't, please make 
sure to tell her! We're also glad you've matured and developed sk% a 
person to where you saw the error of your ways and was a big enough 
person to admit it. 



I I 



Ictievenents 



I've achieved many things in my life, things like staying 
sober for a long time and I also achieved to live the age 
17 without getting shot, but I got shot before. Well I also 
achieved to make it out of middle school, but my thing is 
to achieve is to make my family members happy. I have 
to prove other people wrong that think that I ain't gonna 
make it. 

-Pee-Wee 

From the Beat: There are many more things that you need to think 
about other than thinking if you got shot or not. What about high 
school? College? Life is a test, be careful with failing. Stay out and 
away from shot spots. 



of 



New Years 



Today is a special day, because it's Vietnamese New 
Years. I ain't feeling all that good because I'm suppose 
to be home with the family, celebrating with the friends, 
going to places, spending lots of money, gambling, but 
I'm stuck in the hall celebrating by myself. 

Now I know not to do bad, so I can be out next year 
and celebrate. So I'm out for now Happy New Years. Late. 

-V 

From The Beat: Keep yourself out of here, not just for this next go 
round, but for good. Happy Vietnamese New Years anyway! Make that 
promise to yourself to live life right! U 



Gettiig liti Ttinis 



X 



I have many achievements I have completed. There are 
many minor problems I have achieved. But there was 
one that was a big trip for me. It was to stop getting into 
things. Sounds easy but trust me it's not. I tried so hard 
and failed a lot. 

I had it once. I was doing well, good in school, and 
staying out of trouble. I was doing it for my family and for 
myself, so I can stay out free. One thing occurred that I 
did not commit. I ended in this horrible place. 

I felt it was all for nothing, but though again I was 
actually trying hard to complete and achieve. It sucks 
to be here for something I did not do. It's all good I will 
achieve and complete my goal because that's a life time 
goal. 

-Cash 

From The Beat: You'll recover from this collapse. You knoiw iwhat 
though, even though you're in this situation, you still keep the spirit 
of completing all your goals and achieving many other things. Don't 
give up on. Let this experience teach you a good lesson. If you want to 
stay out, stay away from those places or people who can get you into 
trouble. Simple sk% that! What are your plans upon your release? 



Well this is your boy Mikie, coming to you from San Jose. 
Well I'm locked down doing time, but I ain't tripping. 

Well I'm gonna talk about my achievements. Well I've 
never achieved anything, but I think I only achieve one 
and that was my son. He is the best achievement that I've 
achieved 'cause I've always wanted a son and now I've got 
one. 

I've never done shhh in my life. I mess up all the time. 
Now I've started to shoot somewhere and I did. 

Now I'm gonna get out, go back to school, then college 
and work to support my kid. I ain't gonna be like my pops 
and leave my son alone with his mom. I ain't got nothing 
else to say, so your boy is out. 

I sit back and think about all the pain we caused just 
cause I was a homeboy down for the hood. Now I got to do 
my time, so I could do good for my son and be there for 
that lil' guy. I see him every week and I hope I could get 
out soon, so I could be the right dad. Well just want to 
say to everyone to stay up and I'll be out soon much Love 
n Respect 

-Mikie 

From The Beat: You wanted a son? Now you got it. Now he wants a dad? 
Can you give him that? Having a kid is a huge responsibility. We hop< 
you take your words seriously for the good of your son. Good luck! 



I 



U 



pe I 



Things Running Tiirough My Mind^ \ 

So many things be running through my mind. 

I be counting the bricks on my wall, 

trying to pass the time, 

days of my life for a two-minute crime. 

I'm a stick up kid if I see it it's mine. 

I should of listened to my mama 

but it flew out my car, 

can't stand to hear my mama sob 

or see her drop a tear 

Caged with other gang bangers I can't show no fear. 

I 'm never one-step ahead seems like I'm stuck in flrst 

gear. 

-Lil' Cyco 

From The Beat: What can it take so switch to second and third and last 
gear? What's holding you back? What's preventing your from moving on? 
This is the life you chose to live. You can change it at anytime you need 
it. T>y to switch to second gear and let's see what can happen. You won't 
loose anything by trying. Make your mom proud! 



Head Higli 

What's up Beat! It's Trouble. I am going to bust a flow. It 

is short but good advice for people. 

When you feel like your going to cry, just keep looking 

to the sky. 

When it feels like your life is a big lie, just keep strong 

and problems will be gone. Don't worry, somebody will 

always be by your side, 

just look up and pray Jesus Christ. 

If people are putting you down, just get up off the 

ground, 

stand on your feet and show people you ain't a sissy, 

have no fear and shed no tears, and stand strong 

throughout the years. 

Sometimes you wish it would rain. Just keep your head 

high 'till the day you die. 

-Trouble 

From The Beat: Thank you for your advice! Is this ivhat you do ivhen 
you feel depressed? What about moving on with your life? Is all about 
just praying and keeping your head high? Or is there more than that? 
What? We need help. 



fa 



1 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



Baby Mama 

Damn! Now that I'ln locked up. I miss my baby mama 
mucho(a lot). She don't even know she might be six years 
older than me but I love her hella. I would love her and 
make her something to eat. Damn! I hope I get out soon 
on EMP. 

Well I just want to let everybody know that I love my 
baby mama. Baby girl my one and only. I'm not scared to 
show that I love my baby mama, my one and only. The one 
that I love forever, late. 

-Lil Blanco 

From The Beat: Love is always a beautiful thing but incarceration is no 
environment for love to grow. If you really have love for your girl next 
time you come home you'll keep a low profile and not get in trouble so 
you can spend sk% much time sk% you iwant iwith her and your baby who 
needs a father in his/her life. 



X f 



\ I 



I'n Giina Di It! 



^ 



I'm going do it like Easy-E. 

I'm gonna make money it's gonna be a mystery. 

I got the detectives with their magnify glass looking for 

my finger prints. 

I do it like that and I stay on my toes and they trying to 

bring me low. 

-PNut 

From The Beat: Staying on your toes is having the law not looking 
for your toes at all. If the law is looking for your fingerprints with a 
magnifying glass eventually he who seeks should find. 



My Plans 



\ 



Well, today I want to write about love ones and life. I'm a 
18 year old and I am graduating in April. I'm planning to 
go to college. 

Well I been locked up for 5 months and got 2 more to 
go. I miss my mom, my little sister, my older sister and 
most I miss is my ex-girl. The reality is that I'm in here so 
I have to deal with it. I wish I can go back but I can't. 

-Big Plans 

From The Beat: Good plans! We hope you make it to college, stn 
university, a good career and a good family. Everything is possible. 
Don't give up. There are people waiting for you outside. Don't make 
them wait too long. 



md I 
I am \ 



Disappointment 

I am disappointed that I'm in here about to do 6-8 and 
that I still got a long time to do. But it is cool. Well 
going to be out. So later. 

-Lil' Halla 

From The Beat: Yeah, you will but what are you going to do to stay out 
the next time to escape that disappointment? We hope you don't take 
your freedom for granted when you get out. Get out and enjoy your 
freedom. 



RIP Nathan 



What's cracking Beat? This is your homie Lil' Man 
coming from the city of San Jose. Well I ai'nt feeling these 
topics so I'm going to write about the homie Nathan. 

He passed away a week ago and I found out that he 
was with the homie White boy. We were tripping out. 
Well to the homie rest in peace and you will always be 
remembered and I'll see you pretty soon. Alrato. 

-Lil' Man 

From The Beat: We're sorry to hear about your friend Nathan in a sincere 
way and we send ours. But you should not be in a hurry to die because 
you think the homie Nathan is in a hurry to see you or vise versa? How 
you show the homie Nathan respect is by learning from his mistakes 
and living to do right. 



U 



Family Lnve 



\ 



What's up everyone? I just want to let you people know 
one part of my family that I love a lot besides my mom and 
dad. One of them is my brother Cisco up in the other unit 
with my primo Paul. I miss and love the shhh out of both 
of them they are my partners. 

The other part is this one fine sexy lady of mine and 
her name is Rebecca. I just want to say that I love you a 
lot and I will always love you. And will wait for you till the 
end. She is like my best friend. But she's my lady. 

Well I just wanted to say what's up and stay up and I 
love you guys. I'm missing you people. Lots of love. 

-Javi 

From The Beat: We're pretty sure that they are missing you too. You can't 
keep coming back to jail forever. Don't you have any goals? Wouldn't you 
rather be at your pad chilling with your brother and primo? Wouldn't 
you rather be chilling with that fine lady of yours? All your gonna be 
chilling with in there, is a bunch of smelly dudes. 



Never Gning Tn Stnp 



What's up Beat? This is your homeboy Sleepy. Well this 
is about me not ever going to stop smoking or drinking. 
And I'm never going to stop gang banging. But I'm always 
going to be there for my family. 

I know it's really sad. But I got to do what I have to do 
most of all my family gangbangs. I already chose the life I 
live. 

Maybe one day I'll go to school or maybe do good, but 
I know I need to take care of family too. Well that's all I 
got alrato. 

-Sleepy 

From The Beat: Can't never stop putting in the hard work and doing 
what you know you have to do to better yourself for your family. When 
a man lives for his family he learns the true definition of ivhat it means 
to be a man, yet you are not much of a help once you hit the pinta. 
we hope with maturity you see a better way, and you break the cycl< 






r i« " 



Family 

What's good Beat this your homeboy Sleepy from Santa 
Clara. Well I'm going to talk about family. My family is 
very important. I wish I could have been better to them 
and be good and be respectful to them. And show them a 
good time and be with them. 

Well if anybody reads this, do good and stay out of 
this place. Don't never come back to juvenile and show 
your family more respect, alrato. 

-Sleepy 

From The Beat: Jail is always a place to reflect. It's sk% if the real you came 
out sitting in a hell cell when you know you deserve better. Remember 
you words when you touchdown and you'll be like a lifesaver to a dying 



breed. 



Life 



ng I 

\ 



What up Beat, I didn't choose any of the topics, sorry! 

I'm talkin' 'bout how my life is. My life is cool. I got 
locked up with my homie Nemo. When me and my homie 
are on my block with the homies, we get pull over and get 
searched all the time because I'm straight up Chicano. He 
knows what I'm talking bout huh, bro? 

Well now that I'm locked up I don't get harassed like 
I use to. Well bro. Nemo stay up! I love you bro, see you 
when you get out. Stay up I love you bro late! 

-Lir Blanco 

From The Beat: There's no future in your front. Wanting to be too 
overexposed will get you a sunburned. If you want to be looked at sk% 
cool stay in school, Chicano or not, there is no excuse for being the 
fool! 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



X 



Which life Do I Chiose 

I gave my life to the hood, 

Running the streets always up to no good. 

Always sippin' liquor from my cup, 

And always getting locked up. 

But I got a family and a girl. 

And to me they mean the world. 

They want me to live a better life. 

And I want my girl to become my wife. 

I try to do good in school. 

And just play it cool. 

But the streets keep calling. 

And I keep fallin' 

Back into the trap. 

Each time I do I find it harder to come back. 

But I'll always be down for my homies. 

They were always there for me. 

And I'll never turn my back 

And that's a fact. 

I miss my girl, but I gave my homies my word. 

I'm so confused. 

I don't know what to do. 

Please come and save me lord. 

-Tjh 

From The Beat: If you can't figure out which is more deserving of your 
time and energy - your child and your girl and your family, or, a group of 
guys up to no good - then you just keep hanging out with the homies. 
You watch from a distance while your child grows up confused and 
disappointed and without a father. Your choice, T. Oh, and don't be 
asking for someone to %9iMe you. You should know by now that you have 
to %skMe yourself. You're the only one who can do it. (You'll find plenty 
of folks to help you, but you have to do the heavy lifting. After all, it^ 
your life.) 



Wake Up Call 



X 



I never thought I would be in juvenile hall. First you're 
out there living life to the fullest but your living it a little 
too much. Then you end up gettin' locked up. Now you're 
living life being told what to do, ordering you around. 

People say be thankful for what you got because it 
could disappear like that. I guess that didn't really matter 
to when me and the homies were getting drunk. But after 
it hit me sittin' in my cell that I wasn't thankful for my 
freedom and now it disappeared. Now I sit here waiting 
to get cut so that I can change everything around and be 
thankful. 

-ThankfulOne 

From The Beat: The most valuable things in life are often the ones we've 
had all along, and we take them for granted until they're gone. When 
you say that you were "living life a little too much", it sounds like you 
felt entitled to your freedom, regardless of your decisions. You %xy you 
can't wait until you get out to change things, but why wait until you get 
out? What can you change today in terms of your attitude, your habits 
and your goals? 



Hard Life 



Life is really hard sometimes and sometimes people mess 
up and it gets even more harder on people. Sometimes 
people use weed to relax them cause life gets really hard 
or some people drink but all that shhh messes you up. 
It's just going to mess up your life and your going to be a 
bum out on the street. Well that's all I got Beat. 

-Sleepy 

From The Beat: You're right. There's no way to escape pain. Sometimes 
you just have to roll with the flow and understand life has its ups and 
downs but nothing never %t«y% the same. 



\ I 



U 



Miseit 



\ 



My mom was disappointed in me 'cause I had no self- 
esteem. Whenever I get mad I just go off skating. 

Now I'm in here because of my actions. I don't know 
why I did it, but I turned myself in and now I'm just in 
here because I want to get rid of my sins. Now when I 
leave the unit I smell the wind. 

-Josiah 

From The Beat: It seems sk% if your caught somewhere between right and 
wrong. You want to do right because you know that^ what's your mom 
expect of you, but you have to think better of yourself to do right. 



Get Out 



What's good Beat? This is your homeboy Sleepy from 
Santa Clara. 

Well we need to get out of this messed up place and 
be good and don't run from the ranch or camp. Don't get 
locked up. Stay out and remember God comes first, family 
next and homeboy next. Well that all I got, much love and 
respect. 

-Sleepy 

From The Beat: That^ the words of a real homeboy. It shows that you 
really care and that your love isn't water base. Don't ever let no one 
steal the chemistry y'all share. 



Trial 



Today I went to court hoping to get released, but my PO 
didn't recommend anything. I'm 18 and I being charged 
with a 707b offense (strong armed robbery), which is a 
strike. My lawyer doesn't want me to take it, so I'm going 
to trial. I need two of the four witnesses to testify on my 
behalf in order to get my charges dropped to an accessory. 
So, I got trial on March 20. If my witnesses don't testify, 
then I'm going to just plead guilty and get it over with, 
cause I ain't got time to be wastin' with my life. Well that's 
it. Beat. 

-Yung Sha T. 

From The Beat: It seems like this situation has really gotten you down, 
but you know what you have to do. Your dedication to going back to 
your life will get you there. Stay positive and believe in your advocates I 
and those that want the best for you. Ask questions!!! I 



< I 



Mi Vida Lica 



\ 



Q-vole Beat? Today I'm going to write about my crazy 
life. I've been kicking it with the homies since I was 11 
years old. 

I never grew up in a loving environment, so I had to go 
out and find love from other people. So I started kicking it 
with the homies and found a family that showed me love. 
I grow up with them and lived in their hood, but when 
I was a young teen - I moved to Estrella Street. I have 
been living there for five years and I guess I can manage 
for now. I hella miss the environment and the people, of 
course, the homies. 

Now that I'm 18, I kind of miss that I grow up so fast. 
But life goes on. 

Well, I should be taking my CAHSEE this week I'm 
worried but I know that I will pass it, so will my brother. 
Well, I'm out of here in three months. 

To all: keep your head up. Oh and I found love from 
my mom. 

-Payasa 

From The Beat: Growing up too fast is something to be kind of sad 
about. But you can always go back to the innocent days of youth by not 
hanging out on the streets and going sober. Maybe that will make you 
feel like a kid again. 



fa 



r/r A/^/#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 





//// // 



Trying To Get Out 

What's good? This is Sleepy from Santa Clara. Well, Fm 
getting out April 17, 2008. I have hall time right now. It's 
hella whack. I wish I could get out and be out with my 
family and be good to them and show them respect. I wish 
one could be with the hood, every one be good and stay 
up. 

-Sleepy 

From The Beat: You'll have your chance to get out just don't waste it. 
Most of you guys always talic about getting out and wanting to show 
respect to your family but then you forget all about that once you walk 
right out those Juvenile hall doors. We hope that you don't forget and 
really show your parents how much you love them and respect them. 



Ni DDUtle lite lir Me 



\ 



What up. Beat? 

Well, I don't think I live a double life. You can say I 
act different when I am with my homies than with my 
family. Because when I'm with my family I am sober and I 
don't talk as much - I just chill and watch T.V and maybe 
smoke cigarettes, but when I'm with my homies, I will be 
high, drunk, laughing and just chilling. 

I do get drunk with my mom once in a while like on 
holy days, or I drink when I'm with my dad but I got to 
sneak it in my room and get drunk and then I can go out 
and have a good time. 

-Troublez 

From The Beat: Hmmm, even though you say you don't have a double 
life, it kind of sounds like you do. One good question to ask yourself 
is if you are a totally different person when you are high/drunk versus 
when you are sober. Most people are different around their family and 
their friends, but just keep tabs that it isn't a radical difference. 



Hard 



\ 



You think you're hard? 

But you can't act real. 

You can't act real 

'cause you think you're hard? 

It doesn't matter what you are, 

or what you think you are. 

If you can't act real or hard 

in front of you family and your homies, 

you are nothing, a fake, a phony. 

-Fattie Whompus 

From The Beat: This is funn^. Where do you think you fall into this 
spectrum: are you a fake or a phony or a real homie? 



What's Next For Me? 



X 



Hey, what's good? It's been pretty stressful in here for 
the fifth time in twelve months. This time my PO and 
judge are just running down time until I turn 18, which 
is on April 9th. 

I didn't even do anything. I was locked up for my own 
safety because I have no place to live. 

I was supposed to be working at the DMV and 
everything, but it's all good 'cause on the 11th, I'm going 
to take two more of my GED tests. I passed one already. 
Plus, I just finished my college applications for the 
summer and the fall. 

Well anyways, when I get out I just know I'm going to 
be making mine. Well, to all that are going to be here for 
a while - stay up and it'll get better. To the guys trying to 
talk in the hallways - thanks for getting me in trouble. 

-Gualdarama 

From The Beat: It must be interesting to be locked up just because of 
your safety. You mentioned that you were excited but worried about 
getting out. It seems like you really have your life together, so just be 
confident that you will be able to take care of yourself. 



I I 



I I 



U 



\ 



Disappointment 

I choose this topic for many reasons because I know I 
disappointed my sister by ending up back in here. I should 
have listened to my sister because she's the only one that 
showed me so much more love than my own mom. She 
put a roof over my head when I didn't have anywhere else 
to go. I thank God for my sister cause without her I would 
of ended up just like my mom, or worse. 

I'm hurting inside 'cause I know that I make her cry 
every night 'cause I'm her baby sister, and she truly cares 
a lot about me. I put more stress on her, which I should 
not 'cause, she has enough stress already. If I continue to 
go down the path that I'm going, I think that maybe she 
would just say "you know what I can't take it anymore." I 
just feel like she'll give up on me like everybody else that 
was in my life. I don't know what I would do without my 
sister in my life. 'Till next time Beat. 

-Lil' Shawty Vivian 

From The Beat: Awareness is sometimes the first step into change, it 
seems like you know that losing your temper and messing up will hurt 
your sister, so maybe you will think about that next time. Keep youi 
head up, Vivian! 



Tiiis Life 



lurt I 
our I 

\ 



Well, this is the homeboy Shrek from San Jose. Well, 
I just found out that my little cousin passed away not 
too long ago and it hurt me to know that 'cause he was 
younger than me. My mom had twins and I wasn't able to 
go see them. 

My Tia Huera is having a baby and my Tia Nish is 
having another one I heard. 

My cousin Savage is locked up and my cousin Laura 
is locked up too. It sucks 'cause I'm having a baby too and 
I'm not getting out until December or in the beginning of 
'09. 

And to my cousins Savage and Laura: keep your heads 
up and I'll be praying for you guys. Don't trip off me! I'll 
be out soon enough. To all, do your time and stay strong, 
they can't keep us down. When you get out this time, stay 
out. 

- Shrek 

From The Beat: It sounds like you should take your own advice about 
staying out, especially because you are realizing how much life goes on 
when you are locked up - births and deaths. Don't keep yourself down 
forever!! Wake up now! 



f I II i ! I i I i IT 



\ \ II 



One Life 



I don't get this double life topic, so I'm going to be real. 
I live one life which involves gangbanging, but I'm not 
looking forward to prison. I'm trying to do good, get a job 
and make something of myself being a banger is just in 
my heart but I want to do good which can be done without 
a doubt. This G bird is out. Stay up. 

-Birdie 

From The Beat: If you are not looking forward to prison, why are you 
heading in that direction? Wake up and fly away. 



I ^ d 

I Froi 

Lr 



Tl)ani(s Beat 



What's good Beat it's ya boy Young Cash. I just want to 
say thank you for letting me express myself for all these 
years. But it's time for me to go. I'm 18 now, so that 
means you won't be able to see me anymore. Farewell 
Beat. You know I'm gone, do it for the last time before I 
leave right. 

-Young Cash 

From the Beat: We'll miss your voice. Cash. You always seem to find 
something to express in a truly honest way. All the best on the outs. 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



Dear The Beat 



X f 



Why don't people accept my religion? I have the right 
to worship Satan as much as anyone else, right? Tell me 
how you feel? 

-Bradley 

From The Beat: Worship whoever you want to worship, 
your choices. Do you really care what others thinic? 



Be smart about 



No Fairytale 



Fm going to tell you another tale but it's not no fairytale. 
I would sell drugs for my mom. We lived with some Pisa 
- it was their house. We rented out a room - it was hella 
small. Me, my mom, her boyfriend and three little siblings 
were living there. And we did not have a lot of food because 
we would always eat it all the time. But then one time 
some fool snitched my mom out, so it was me and my 
three siblings. I took care of them, sold more drugs, paid 
rent, got some food for my little siblings. Then me and my 
mom's boyfriend saved some money and got my mom out. 
Then one day I saw the guy that snitched my mom out, 
and beat that fool up. Well, I got to go, stop snitching. 

-Chino 

From The Beat: This non-fairytale is really powerful, about how you and 
your mother took care of your family through illegal activities. Again, 
you seem proud of the violence - can you see any other v/siyl 



Triubltd and Ciilusel 



X 



I think the court is troubled and confused, especially 
my probation officer because they don't understand when 
they see a changed person. I know now that I'm glad for 
my choices, but being in here for a crime I didn't do makes 
me want to do the crime or wish I did. But now I'm glad 
I've done everything I've done in my life. I don't regret any 
of it because I wouldn't be who I am today. But as they 
say, life's a bummer, then you die. 

-Anthony 

From The Beat: The system - when it's wrong - can certainly turn people 
into angry criminals. But instead of inspiring you to a life of crime, 
maybe you should become a lawyer and fix the problems so it doesn't 
happen to anyone else. 



Me and You 



X 



Me and you forever long, 

even though you were always gone. 

Why wouldn't you stay with me? 

I would always be so sadfuUy. 

Now that we've found each other 

I couldn't love her more than my mother. 

I felt like a fool, 

'cause she treats me so cruel. 

I only had eyes for her, 

but who does she have eyes for? 

I have lost her one more time 

and now she's forever gone, 

she is somewhere near to me, 

but how would I talk to her? 

I guess when I get out, 

and wait 'till she gets out. 

I miss her. 

I hope they put this in The Beat, 

so she could see this lil' note. 

Alrato I'm out. 

-Jacob 

From The Beat: This poem sounds like you have been longing for 
someone from far away for a long time. Love combined with doubt can 
be really painful in the heart, but it sounds like you care for this person. 
Writing is a good way to express this feeling. 



\ I 



U 



One Love 



\ 



What's up Beat? Today I'm gonna talk about my leaving 
to the Ranch. I'm hella happy I'm gonna be leaving in five 
days. 

Damn, I'm just kind of sad though because I got 
people here that I'm gonna miss, you know, but damn I 
just gotta go. 

I've been here since December 11th just doing hella 
dead time. There's one specific person I'm gonna miss 
that's in here. I gave it up to him and now I really care 
about him a lot and I got feelings for him, too. I think I 
kind of love him, but damn it's crazy though. I had found 
out at a program that he was going to have a daughter. 
That really hurt me because I really cared about him, but 
I guess I will just have to wait to talk to him to tell him 
how I really feel about him. But if you're reading this baby 
- 1 love you and I really care about you even though we're 
not together. I'm thinking bout you 24/7. Be cool and stay 
up, baby boy. To all, much love and respect to all 

-Athina 

From The Beat: it is hard to find out someone we really care about is 
going through something so profound like having a child with another 
person, but the best thing is to keep jealousy in check and work to be 
honest to your true emotions. 



Dooble-Sided Life 



When I am out I think I live two lives. Every morning I wake 

up I go to school. But after school I would act hella different. 

In school I wouldn't smoke but when out of school I smoke 

and drink. Now that I am locked up I look back at my life and 

now I think I should have quit doing drugs 'cause they really 

broke my life and it also broke up my family. 

-Green Eyes 

From The Beat: In some ways, we all lead multiple lives. We behave 
differently depending on who we interact with. As you say, you are one 
person when in school and listening to your teachers. You are another 
person when with your homies and quite another at the dinner table. It 
seems then that one source of your troubles has to do with the company 
you keep. Could your incarceration have been avoided by avoiding the I 
negative influences in your life? Let us know. I 



My Serioos Case 



What's with it Beat? I just got locked up for puUin' a lick 
with my ninja. I went to court and they said I might get six 
months hall time or YA and do four years. But it's a 50-50 
chance for either one,. But I'm fighting for hall time and 
I might get it 'cause I'm 18 and they ain't sending people 
to YA in this county unless you got a real case, but my 
case is just first degree robbery so I ain't trippin'. Just 
gonna do my time and get out in the fall, like September. 
You feel me? 

I been messing up lately, 'cause I got in like two 
fights and I been here less than two weeks. I'm too old 
to be gettin' into fights in the hall. I mean, if somebody 
disrespect me off top, but fo' dumb shhh? I'm good. You 
can see me on the outs, you feel me? Plus it don't help 
my case, and it only last up to 15 to 20 sec. before staff get 
on you mean, ya dig? But forget the dumb shhh though, 
man. 

I gotta say what's good to D-man. Hey bra, do good 
when you get out -maintain that playa composer. Just 
gotta get this daycare time over, you feel. So I'm out one 
time, one love D, an fo' the record I changed the name but 
the style the same, ya dig? 

-Ali 

From The Beat: It sounds like you know that getting into fights when 
locked up isn't a smart thing, but how do you keep yourself cool? And 
you sound like you're really looking forward to getting back out on the 
streets, but what changes are you thinking about out there? 



fa 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



stressing Out 



X f 



Q-vole Beat. This is your homie Chato from San Jose. 
I am gonna write some lines about stressing out. These 
days I been stressing a lot for my lady because she's 
pregnant, she's 9 months already, and I can't talk to her. 
I wish I could be with her these special moments, 'cause 
I really care for my girl and I love her with all my heart. 
But the good thing is that I'll be out in 20 days to be with 
my girl. 

So if you vatos got a firme jaina get straight and don't 
do bad choices so you won't end up in here stressing 
out. 

Well this vato is outta time alratos. 

-Chato 

From The Beat: Being away from the ones you love can be really hard. 
So do what you can now to make your time with them sk% good sk% 
possible. We wish you and your girl the best. 



Back 

I'm back in the hall 

Eye red from tears brewin' 

Getting ready to fall 

Once again I stack 

With my back against 

The wall 

Facing time for a crime 

That I never committed. 

All the girls I came with 

The time they had to split 

Gone here and there 

Fe-fe don't have 

No fear 

Because the change 

Is here 



^ 



Double Life 



Yes, I admit I have a double life 'cause when I am with 
my friends it is a whole different lifestyle, 'cause I really 
try to impress my friends. I don't know why but I do. But 
when I am with my family I try to be an angel, 'cause my 
mom thinks I'm a good kid so I be actin' like that. I mean, 
I have love for my friends and I know they got love for me 
but I know it's my friends who are the ones that got me 
in here, but if it weren't for my friends I would be out and 
doing good in school. 

-Nomal 

From The Beat: It's easy to put the blame on our friends, but what about 
you? Can't you be a certain way and still hang around certain friends. 
We're not saying it's easy, but we hear so many of you blaming your 
friends that it seems a bit unfair. 



A Beat Disappointment 



X 



What up beat? Today I'm not feeling the topics so I want 
to say that I'm disappointed because I haven't seen any 
of my pieces for months now. I would like to know what's 
going on because I don't even see that much Santa Clara 
County. Well Beat this Duke is out. Late. 

-Duke 

From The Beat: If you do not see much of Sstntsk Clara in The Beat, ask 
someone on the unit to point it out to you, given Sstntsk Clara dominates 
The Beat! 



-Young Cash 

From The Beat: It's a very good sign that this is your first instinct. The 
mark of maturity is to find the good in the worst situation and to be 
ready to turn tragedy into learning. Sitting in that cell here looks to be l 
your moment of maturity. In this desire, this %skAne%%, this memory, this \ 
drive, the change is there. 



X 



\\ 



I I 



! I 



Wtit I Think Itoit 



\ 



What's crackin' Beat? Me just chilling up in the unit, 
well I'm feeling really good in the inside because my time 
is going by fast. The staff here are very coo' we do lots 
of activities such as play football, basketball, volleyball, 
indoor soccer, and many more. I love it. At first I thought 
that m£ix was the best but when I came to this unit it was 
coo as hell. I mean the staff really try to help you out. 

Some people think that they're weak, but I think that 
they're wrong. If you act like a kid they're going to treat 
you like one. But if you do what you got to do and take 
care of business it's all good. But don't get me wrong, I 
still miss max. Well what I'm trying to say is there are 
kids here that are 18 but don't act like they are. There are 
kids that are 17 and act older. 

All I'm trying to say is take care of business in the unit 
and everything will be coo and just worry about yourself 
and most likely get as many things that you can from the 
program. Do your thing and get out and stay out. 

-New Beginning 

From The Beat: You make a good point. Maturity is not a time of life 
but a state of mind and action. I hope sk% many people sk% possible read 
and heed your advice. 



Disappointment, A Big Word 



\ 



Wow. Disappointment. That's a big word and well my life 
is made up of disappointment. My whole life I have done 
nothing but disappoint my family and loved ones. But 
at the same time I have had someone I love very much 
disappoint me. 

But I'm sick of making my family and loved ones cry 
for my stupidity. I'm done with all the wrong decisions. 
I'm going to start to go the right way in my life. I want to 
stay alive and see what I got ahead of me. And for the one 
that disappointed me I tried to help her but she never 
learned so I made the right decision and left her. 

-Bnmik 

From The Beat: There is a strong %en%e of maturity in this piece. Thank 
you for your honesty about disappointment. How can you follow up 
with your passionate statements about going the right way in life? We 
hope you keep growing and that you continue to strive to make the 
right decisions. 



ji 



Sl(ater 



Everywhere I am I skate. I skateboarded for the first 
time when I was 1 and never stopped. I can honestly 
thank skateboarding for getting me active and healthy, 
for providing me with a creative outlet, and though I 
found and abused drugs, it kept me away from the hard 
ones for a long time. Yes, it got me in a little trouble 
here and there but I think all young boys are meant to be 
rowdy, on or off a skate. And that's what I have to write 
about tonight. 

The majority of adults hate on skateboarding, and the 
majority of kids love it. Skater = Jock in a lot of ways 
in today's society. I mean, popular TV shows, billion 
dollar industry, massive infiuence in teenage style, and 
of course teeny bop skate star Ryan Sheckler. But that 
doesn't matter. I don't really care about this shhh. I 
just felt like ending a page of writing with some stupid 
apathetic statement. Really I just wanted to say apathetic 
in a sentence! 

-RadSkaterOne 

From The Beat: You have a point. Adults tend to overlook skateboarding 
sk% a sport, skn art, and a passion. Like most passions, it^ rarely going to 
make a career, but it helps to train the body and mind, and can be your 
creative outlet. Ride «w«y. 



fa 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrnjUM, /-//// 




//// // 



Disappointment in Me 



X 



Well I have disappointed my mom. I know I've done many 
things to make her mad, but it's whatever. I love my mom. 
I know that when I get out we will have movie fests like we 
used to. I miss her. Well alrato. Late. 

-Son 

From The Beat: We appreciate the fact that you recognize that you have 
disappointed one of the most important people in your life. But why is 
it "whatever"? What can you do to not upset her sk% much? We hope you 
will be able to have many movie fests in the near future. 



Tattoo 



X 



My tattoo of choice would be a contradiction between 
light and darkness. So you can notice the difference of 
dark and light. Something so abstract that you have to 
feel it. Why would you be the dark and why would you be 
the light? 

-Contrast 

From The Beat: These are very intriguing words. The tattoo sounds 
fascinating and thoughtful. Do you have any other thoughts on how 
light conflicts with darkness? How does the figurative light and 
darkness play a part in your life? 



Dooi)ie-Life Duiie 



I kind of live the double life 'cause I could be very nice 
and generous and I could be very respectful and have a lot 
of manners when I want, but at the same time I could be 
mean and cruel and very disrespectful. That's why I could 
have a double-life sometimes. 

-Dude 

From The Beat: With the knowledge that you live a double-life, can you 
tell u% if you think this is a good thing? When can living a double-life 
be a positive thing? When can it be a negative? We thank you for your 
honesty and hope you understand that all of u%, at one time or another, 
live the so-called double life. 



J 



The things I've heen through made 
me the waif I am, I've heen IlKe 
this forever and If OM people want 
me to change Just IlKe that, 



Tiie Disappointment 



The disappointment is like pain, when people go insane. 
But yet even though people have disappointment we're 
trying to maintain. 

They put us in a lonely room with our brain killing 
itself, crazy thought of how we really felt. Having no 
mail brings you down, so you're just chilling at your 
room laying down, then wicked thoughts snap in your 
head telling you to stop crying and make people feel your 
pain, not trying to show your roommate the tears that are 
falling off your eyes, feeling the fear. But no one can help 
you, not even yourself, everyone sees you and they think 
you're a thief, talking to someone you don't feel no relief. 
But 'till next time I let you know on these things. 

-Poiyoisito 

From The Beat: Sometimes everything seems to be haunting you, no 
matter how many people you talk to or times you check for mail. Don't 
be afraid to let it out, and let your process take over. Be sad, ye%, but 
try to channel that into a better future. 



X r 



! I 



U 



Tattoos Removed And Added 



\ 



If I were to get one of my tattoos taken off it would be 
the tatt on my side of California. I would rather get it 
professionally done. If I could get any tatt I wanted right 
now it would be of a collage of a certain place that no 
one will ever find. And I'd like to finish the two tatts that 
represent my parents. 

-Tat man 

From The Beat: The tattoo of the collage sounds really interesting. What 
kind of place would that be? Where would it be? In the woods? On a 
beach somewhere? Maybe you could expand on this thought and talk 
about where you want to go to be by yourself. Thanks for the cool 
idea! 



Just a Dream 



»ol I 

\ 



Sometimes I dream about a life where we're strong. 

Where we don't have to fight no more and get along 

No use in crying no more pain to carry on 

It's just a dream so I live and hold on. 

- Tuan 

From The Beat: This is a short but sweet rhyme. We can tell you have a 
talent for expressing yourself through your words. Keep writing! 



Ciiangino Life 



Changing life is a hard thing to do for me because I've 
grown up a different lifestyle than others, I've seen things 
others never seen before. The things I've been through 
made me the way I am. I've been like this forever and you 
people want me to change just like that. I don't know 
'bout that, but I'll try my best and my hardest to change 
my bad habits. I know I'm going to have to change for the 
better, and for my family. But that's all I got to talk about 
for now Beat. Talk to you next time, late. 

-Lil' V 

From The Beat: You're right. You can't change everything instantly just 
by waving a wand. But you also seem to recognize that that doesn't 
mean you can't try. Life tends not to break to anyone, but it bends at 
each push, and with each try you can make your life a little bit better, 
and a little bit more how you want it. 



Disappoifltment in Tiie Hnmie 



X 



The only time I was disappointed was when my homie 
was lying to my lady that I was hitting on some girls while 
I was in school. And when she found out she went crazy 
and I started laughing 'cause I thought she was playing 
so she slapped me back to my senses, and when she was 
talking to me I knew my homies were up to this because 
they did not want to see us together so I told her the truth 
on what was happening and I apologized to her and we 
made up so this is it for my case of disappointments. 

-Rascal 

From The Beat: Those you trust the most are often the first to disappoint. 
T^y to trust anyway, just sk% your girl has trusted your explanation, 
that you have a chance to live without constant disappointment. 



\ 



The lite 

I'd rather choose the life of gangbanging 'cause that's 
how I'm gonna live for the rest of my life. And I end up 
going to the (pinta) like my Brother that is now doing 
sixteen to life for armed robbery. And I pray I would go 
to the same prison in Chino, 'cause as a young gangs ta 
I didn't have any role models, just young gangsters who 
I idolize. 

-Tragic homeboy 

From The Beat: This is so pathetic, that all you have is gang banging to 
hold onto. How old are you? Are there really no other options? Please. 



1 




r/r A/v#>^v mmwrniamff ^ // / 




//// // 



\ 



What Makes Me Angry, Interview 

The Beat: What makes you angry? 

Albert: Life. Half the people in the world are racist. People 

think I'm a savage. I'm part Spanish, part Mexican, part 

Portuguese- and I'm happy with it. 

The Beat: What do racists do that affects you? 

Albert: they say I'm a Beaver, a dirty Mexican- that I won't 

be good for anything. 

The Beat: How do you cope with that? 

Albert: I try to ignore it but sometimes I can't. I get into 

difficult situations where I do things I wish I hadn't done- 

afterwards- when I think about it. 

The Beat: What is your advice about how to handle 

anger? 

Albert: Walk away, try to ignore it. If you don't, you'll pay 

a heavy price for it- loneliness and being away from your 

loved ones. 

-Albert 

From The Beat: It is a tragedy that racism still exists in the world. 
Your cultural background is something to be very proud of. People who 
ridicule you because of your race are doing so out of anger about their 
own troubled circumstances. You skte right to walk away; to realize that 
their words are not based on truth. Being able to be with the ones you 
love is well worth ignoring ignorant comments. 



My Pain 



I am so sad because my dad and my brother got stabbed. 
I'm mad- 1 feel like hurting someone but that is going to 
get me into trouble. I've learned to just let it go because 
it's never going to stop. It is like I'm a psycho- I hurt 
them and they are going to hurt me too. They were my 
friends but they are now my enemies because I stopped 
gangbanging. They will go for your loved ones- it is so 
stupid. 

-D 

From The Beat: We are so sorry to hear about your dad and your brother. 
It is very normal to feel angry in your situation, but you know that 
hurting other people in retaliation is not the answer. It only csku%e% 
more pain and more trouble. We applaud your tough- and wise- decision 
to get out of the gang life. Talk with your counselors about help in 
protecting your loved ones. 



No Title 



X 



My heart aches. 

No one's answering, no one's there. 

I crossed the border to hell. 

Bruises on my mind. 

No chance to get out of the hall. 

'I'm dancing with the devil.' 

My desire is to be free. 

My future is in my hands and on my mind. 

The DA is making me go down like gravity. 

I hunger for freedom. It's what I seek. 

-Robert 

From The Beat: We've heard that the devil has great rhythm. Is that 
true? 



Hdw I Handle M) Anier 



X 



What's up Beat? The way I handle my anger is to just 
start punching my punching bag, or sometimes I just 
have to take it out on someone else. The only way I'll get 
mad is if someone disrespects me. Respect is a big word 
for me. That's all for today, lates. 

-Robert 

From The Beat: Punching bag - OK. Using a human being for a punching 
bag - not OK. We knoiv you know that. Make this your mantra: living 
creatures are not punching bages... living beings are not punching bags... 
living beings are not punching bags... Got it? 



U 



lOVE 



\ 



I love you- 
your tender touch 

but every night 

hasn't been alright 

without you here 

near, my dear. 

My heart cries 

and my eyes sigh, 

my body aches, 

my head shakes. 

I need you 

so I can go through 

all the rough roads 

they are going to set in front of you. 

Just know that I am here 

to hold you dear. 

When I get out 

don't' even hold out 

because I am your man. 

I am never going to be shady 

'cause you're my baby. 

Just always know 

I will always be waiting 

for that day you'll arrive 

by my side 

to make it better, 

so you better remember 

I am still waiting 

'cause I'll do anything 

for you. 

-D 

From the Beat: It is difficult, no doubt, to be away from loved ones while 
serving your time. It can be a source of strength when those people 
are supportive and painful if they decide to move in other directions. 
T^y to remember that your true strength is found within yourself. Your 
relationships with others will be stronger once you are on your own 
solid ground. 



1 



The Anger Interview 



The Beat: How do you deal with your anger? 

Ronnie: I can't. If someone looks at me wrong I'll sock 

him because he's making me angry. 

The Beat: Why can't you just walk away? 

Ronnie: It will make me look like a little girl and a 

coward. 

The Beat: So what? What happens if you beat that person 

up because you want to save face? 

Ronnie: I get locked up, and locked up again... for longer. 

I don't care. 

The Beat: Do you want to learn to control your anger? 

What could motivate you to not loose your temper... for 

better or worse? 

Ronnie: If I could control my anger I could stay out of 

here. I'd rather be at home kicking it with my friends. 

The Beat: What are ways that you can think of to do 

this? 

Ronnie: Maybe when I start to get angry I can think about 

my girlfriend or my mom and remember how much I want 

to stay with them. I can't think more about how to say 

it. 

-Ronnie 

From the Beat: Controlling our anger can be a difficult thing, but 
something we must learn to do in order to lead a healthy life- a free 
life- and to avoid causing harm to other people. Think about what you 
have to loose by getting in trouble because of your temper, and what 
you have to gain by staying out of trouble- mostly the ability to be with 
your loved ones. Your counselors can help you with way to deal with 
anger constructively, it is worth it. 



r/r A/v#>^v mmwrniamff ^ // / 




Control The Mad 



When I am disappointed I usually get mad or frustrated 
and easily annoyed. I punch shhh. But I'm trying to 
change how I react to people and situations. 

-David 

From The Beat: Good. 



Cleanino Up For The Coonty Rather Thao \^ 
For Yo' Mama 

Well, the only reason that I clean right here in the hall is 
so that I will have more time out of my room and I won't 
be stuck there all alone. There are benefits like getting 
to buy stuff from the store. But, don't get me wrong, I 
do clean for my mom, all the time, and I keep my room 
clean. 

So, If I were The Beat, I wouldn't just go around 
assuming that we convicts don't clean after ourselves in 
our house. 

-"Inocente" 

From The Beat: No offence intended. We're glad you're a tidy fellow and 
that you help your mom. 



y 




//// // 



let Me Out 



\ 



I want to get out but they won't let me. 

I want to walk around but they won't let me. 

I want to talk freely but they won't let me. 

So what do I do? 

Just get out. 

But to get out. . . what to do? 

I don't know, it's so confusing. 

I can't even think sometimes. 

I hate this place. 

I hate most of the people here. 

I hate this place, and I hate this place. 

Let me out. 

I'm bored, I'm bored. 

-Seeking Freedom 

From The Beat: Sometimes even negative motivation can serve to move 
u% in a positive direction. We are sorry to hear that you are so unhappy 
with your current situation. Use those feelings to motivate you to do 
what^ necessary to get out- and to stay out of the system. You can walk 
and talic and do whatever you want once you are living a life within the 



^ 



law. It is worth it. 



Achiog 



Someone approaches to say 
his life is aching, he's in pain. 
There is no answer- 
borderline, life, or death. 
The bruises will never heal. 

There is no chance. 

He's dancing, in the future, 

but gravity pulls him back into hunger. 

-Shane 

From The Beat: Cool poem, Shane. We suspect you know this, but it's a 
neat trick to learn how to dance with gravity. The fall is easier. 



Iflterview with Aoswer 



The Beat: How long have you been here? 

Answer: Since December. 

The Beat: So, in all that time, what have you learned about 

yourself? 

Answer: I've learned that I can take a lot of crap and 

put up with it for a long time. I've learned that I want an 

education in everything, especially in cultural history. 

The Beat: What's the most interesting piece of cultural 

history you've learned? 

Answer: From the Aztec Empire- the last ruler of the 

empire was named Quactemo . He was willing to fight with 

his soldiers. He went into battle against the Spaniards. 

Other rulers were greedy. But he was out there for the 

betterment of his people. 

The Beat: Are there any leaders today who remind you of 

him? 

Answer: Cesar Chavez. He was out for his people but in 

a different era, a different age. 

The Beat: What would you like to be asked? 

Answer: I'd like to be asked my opinion of the juvenile 

justice system. If I were I would say that a lot of times 

they set kids up for failure. For instance- when they sent 

me to a group home, I protested and said it would be a 

bad idea. I told them if I went there, it would be all bad. 

They didn't believe me. It was bad because of where it was 

located. I'd rather not say why. 

The Beat: Any final thoughts? 

Answer: I'm bored. I thought the interview was going to 

be more fun. 

-Answer 

From The Beat: OK - next time write your own 'interesting' piece. 



1 



1 




.-/rA/v#>^v mmM/wmM^M /^ 




//// // 



Mi Vidi Sin In Ceinlir 



X 



Yo les voy a contar sobre mi vida sin un celular. Cuando 
estaba alia afuera, tenia mi cellular. La verdad es que 
lo necesitaba para comunicarme con mi familia, pero 
especialmente con mi novia. 

Recuerdo que aveces por estar hablando y textiando me 
salio muy caro el bill del telefono. Tuve que esperarme y no 
lo pude pagar. Me salio de 300 dolares y eso es muy caro. 
Luego andaba pidiendo prestado el telefono de mis amigos 

aveces cambiaba billetes en coras para hablar atravez del 
telefono publico. 

Recuerdo que un dia que me habia quedado de ver con 
mi novia en las gradas de la playa. Tenia que salirme de la 
escuela par air a verla, pero no podia Uamarme porque no 
tenia telefono. Agarre coras y le Uame desde un telefono 
publico. Cuando contestaba ella, no me podia oir, la Uame de 
nuevo por otro telefono y fue la unica forma para hablar con 
ella. Al fin nos vimos. 

From The Beat: Lo bueno que ese dia pudistes ver a tu novia skunt\ue 
hayas tendido complicaciones. Tienes que buscar la forma como 
cuidar el estado de cuenta de tu telefono. Tienes que ser un poco mas 
considerable con quien lo pague. El o ella debe trabajar duro para pagar 
eso. Y eso no es justo! 

My Life Without A Celi Phones 

I'm going to write about my life without a cell phone. When 

1 was on the outs, I had a cell phone. Truth is that I needed 
it to communicate myself with my family and especially my 
girlfriend. 

I remember talking and texting so much, the cell phone 
bill was very high. I had to wait for long time, because I 
couldn't pay it. It was 30 dollars and that's very expensive. 
Later I was asking my friends to use theirs and changing 
dollar bills for quarters to use the public phones. 

I remember one day I was supposed to meet my girl by the 

beach. I had to leave school to see her, but she couldn't call 

me because I didn't have a cell phone. When she answered, 

she couldn't, I called her again through a different phone and 

I finally got to talk to her. 

-Lil' Snoopy, San Francisco 
From The Beat: Good thing was that you made it to see your girl without 
any more conflicts. You have to find a way to manage the cost of your 
monthly bill. You have to be more considerable with whoever pays it. He 
or she might work so hard to pay that. Think of them. That's not right! 



Ya No Fomare Eo La Caile 



Yo fumo mucha mota en mi casa y en la calle. Fumo todas 
las noche como mi homies. En las noches, fumo para 
poder dormirme. Sin la mota yo no puedo dormir. Ya no 
voy a fumar en la calle para no volver a la juvenile. Esto ya 
no me gusta y no me ha gustado. A mi me gusta la mota. 

From The Beat: Deberias de buscar la manera como no fumar del todo. 
Lo que estas haciendo no te llebara a nada bueno. No hay mejor cosa 
como disfrutar las maravilla de la vida sobrio y sano. Si de verdad 
piensas que no puedes dajarlo, deberias de buscar ayuda profesional. 
Hay programas para jovenes que te pueden ayudar. 

I Wofl't Snioi(e Ofl The Streets 

I smoke a lot of weed in my house and at home. I smoke 
every night with my friend. At night, I smoke to be able to 
sleep because without it, I can't sleep. 

I'm not going to smoke anymore so I won't end up in 
here again. I don't like it here and I never liked it. I like 
weed. 

-Lir Ba, San Francisco 

From The Beat: Find a way to stop smoking. What you are doing won't 
take you anywhere. There isn't such a thing than enjoying life clean 
and sober. If you don't have the will power to quit, you should ask for 
professional help. There are programs for youth that can help you. 



^ 



a 



Ei Telefono 



\ 



Si cuando uno no tiene un telefono, no puede comunicarse 
con su madre, con su hermanos y sus amigos. Cuando 
yo venia para aca, venia aburrido en el bus porque no 
traia telefono. Una vez lo traia y se me cayo. Venia bien 
aguitado. Despues estaba quitandolo prestado. 

Yo me sentia bien raro porque no pude comunicarme 
con el quien me iba a recoger en la estacion de los buses. 
Tuve que quitar prestado y gracias a Dios me lo prestaron. 
Se siente bien feo pedir prestado el telefono despues de 
andar telefono. 

From The Beat: La verdad es que es muy importante la comunicacion 
atravez del telefono. Lo bueno es que llegastes aqui sin ningun 
problema. Cuidate amigo y te deseamos que cuides tu telefono al igual 
que a ti mismo. 



Tiie Teiephone 



1 



When someone doesn't have a phone, you can't 
communicate with your mother, brothers and friends. 
When I was on my way here, I was very bored, because I 
didn't have a phone. I was carry one once and I lost it. I 
was very sad. Later, I was asking to use other's phones. 

I would feel very afraid because I couldn't communicate 
myself the one who was going to pick me up at the bus 
station. I had to ask someone to use his phone and thank 
God, they lent it to me. It feels very embarrassing to ask 
someone to use his phone after having one. 

-Denis, San Francisco 

From The Beat: The truth is that it is very important the phone 
communication. Good thing was that you made without anymore 
complications. Take care my friend and we hope you take care of your 
next cell phones as well as yourself. 



Solo Un Milagro De Dios 



Soy una persona normal como todos. Estoy aqui por 
tercera vez en esta lugar. Ya he estado en este lugar, pero 
nunca me habia sentido tan mal. No me importa nada 
porque voy a salir de este lugar. 

Dios me va a ayudar en mi cambio porque El es el 
linico que me puede ayudar. Una noche sofiaba que solo 
un milagro de Dios puede ayudar. Yo le prometi a Dios 
que no a hacer lo mismo. Asi como yo puedo cambiar asi 
tambien ustedes pueden. 

Yo quiero a una muchacha y voy a ser papa. Voy a 
hacer un efuerzo a cambiar. Si tii confias en Dios, todo se 
puede. Animos Catrachos! 

From The Beat: Esperamos que llegues a cumplir esa promeza. Acuerdate 
que ya has venido varias veces y seria una pena que terminaras aqui 
otra vez. Sigue en el camino de Dios y ponle mucha mente a Sus palabras 
para que seas una persona mejor en la vida. 



Dnly A God Miracie 



1 



I am a normal person like others. I'm here for the third 
time in this place. I've been here in this place before, but 
I never felt bad. I don't care though because I'm going to 
get out from this place. 

God will help me in my changing because He is the 
only one that can help. I promise to God that I won't do 
the same. The way I can change, you can also change. 

I love a girl and I'm going to be a father. I'm going to 
make an effort to change. If you have faith in God, He can 
do it all for you. 

-Anonimo, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We hope you keep that promise. Remember that you've 
been here a few times and it would be ashame if you end up here again. 
Keep yourself in Godls road and make an effort in following His words. 




.-/rA/v#>^v mmM/wmM^M /^ 



La Ultima Vez 

La ultima vez que limpie el bafio de mi casa fue en el 
2007. A mi aqui si me gusta limpiar porque me gusta 
estar afuera y no estar encerrado en el cuarto. En otra 
parte, lo hago porque me ponen y no porque quiera. La 
neta es lo hago porque me gusta. 

Yo vivo una doble vida porque en las mafianas me 
la paso en la calle. Me gusta divertirme, salir a bailar, 
a pasear con la novia que tambien se divierta con mis 
amigos. La verdad es que no me gusta estar aburrido 
porque me sofoco. Les doy gracias por escucharme y 
comprenderme. 

Cuando tenia un celular era muy desesperante porque 
queria ver a mi novia. Tenia que esperar a que me Uamara 
para hablar con ella. 

From The Beat: En vez de andar en la calle deberias de buscar la manera 
como hacer algo positive en tu vida, algo que te Hebe a un buen tnsknsknsk. 
Esa doble vida que llevas te llebara al mismo lugar donde te encuetras 
en este mismo momento. Hay manera como divertirse, pero la manera 
que has buscado no es la que te conviene. Busca como ayudar a tu 
familia en la casa como lo haces en este lugar. 



The Last Time 



The last time I cleaned the bathroom of my house was 
in 2007. I like to clean because I like to be out and not 
locked up in a room. On the other hand, I do it because 
they make me and not because I want to. Truth is that I 
do it because I like it. 

I live a double life because in the morning I like to 
spend it on the outs. I like to have fun, go dancing, go out 
with my girl and have fun with my friends. Truth is that I 
don't like to be bored because I get desperate. I thank you 
for listening and understanding me. 

When I had a cell phone, I was desperate because I 
wanted to see my girl. I had to wait for her to call me to be 
able to talk to her. 

-Juan, San Francisco 

From The Beat: Instead of being on the streets, you should find the way 
to do something positive for your life, something that can take you to 
a better tomorrow. That double life will only take you to the same place 
wfhere you are right now. There are ways to have fun, but the way you 
have searched for won't benefit you at all. T>y to help your family at 
home like you do here. 



Cuando Pienso 



Yo cuando me siento solo me pongo a pensar en mi 
familia en cuanto me quieren y que mi mama me esta 
esperando. Deseo verla. La quiero. 

Deseo salir para cambiar mi vida y ser alguien. Quiero 
que mi familia se sienta orguUoso de mi y de lo que hago. 
Cuando saiga de aqui, voy a cambiar mi vida. Que Dios me 
ayude. 

From The Beat: Esperamos que tus palabras %eskn sinceras. Afuera tienes 
persona que esperan que tus palabras se hagan realidad. Sino quieres 
hacer un cambio por ti, hazio por aquellos quienes quieren lo mejor 
para ti. 



When I Think 



When I feel alone, I think about my family, I think about 
how much they love me and that my mom is waiting for 
me. I wish to see her. I love her. 

I wish to get out to change my life and be somebody. I 
want my family to feel proud of me, and the things I'll do. 
When I get out of here, Fm going to change my life. God 
help me. 

-Juan, San Francisco 

From The Beat: We hope your words to be honest. On the outs, there 
are people who expect those words you are writing to become a reality. 
If you don't want to change for yourself, think about those who want 
the best for you. 



X 




J L 



Pensamientos De Los Temas 

La verdad es yo asiaba mi casa. La ultima vez que lo hice 
fue un dia antes de que me agarraran. A mi si me gusta 
ser asiado. Aqui encerrado soy asiado no por fuerza sino 
lo tengo que hacer. 

La verdad a es que a mi me gusta vivir la doble vida. 
Me gusta andar en la calle bagando, divirtiendome con 
mis amigos, con mi novia, salir a Paris a comer. 

La verdad es que me Uega el football y divertirme con 
mis amigos jugando football. 

Quisiera decirle que cuando estoy desesperado, me 
gusta relajarme para que no me peguen ancias de Uegar 
a algo mas. Me gusta pensar en mi madre cuando estoy 
desesperado para relajarme. Tambien me gusta hablar con 
ella y estar con mis amigos para relajarme y divertirme. 

From The Beat: Nos parece bien que pienses en hacer algo diferente 
cuando tengas ancias de hacer algo que te pueda meter en problemas 

lastimar a alguien. Piensa en tu madre no solo cuando vayas a hacer 
algo sino a todo momento. 

My Thouohts Ahout The Topics 

The truth is that I used to clean my house. The last time 

1 did it was when a day before I got locked up. I'm clean 
when I'm here locked up, but not because I'm being 
forced. I just like it. 

Truth is that I like to live the double life. I like to be 
on the streets kicking it, having fun with my friends, girl, 
and to go to Paris to eat. 

I like football and like to have fun playing football 
with my friends. 

I would like to tell you that when I'm desperate, I like 
to relax so I won't get the desire of doing something wrong. 
I like to think about my mother when I'm desperate to 
relcix. I also like to talk to her and be with my friends to 
relax and have fun. 

-Francisco, San Francisco 

From The Beat: It's a good think to think about doing something positive 
when you get the temptations of doing something that will get you in 
trouble or hurt others. Think about your mother not just before doing 
something, but at all times. 



fa 







Me 



rm me... no one else but me. If you were to ask me to 
describe myself, I would say this: I'm Latino, I'm tall, 
black hair... That's how I would describe how I look. 

But if you want to know me, this is what I have to say: 
I'm sixteen, I like going to school, my life's ambition is to 
graduate from college, stay alive, have a family of my own, 
want kids, a beautiful, loving wife, a good-paying job, my 
parents and relatives. 

One of the things I want most is respect. I want to 
know who my birth parents are. I love to hang out with 
friends, but there are two things I want to know. In here, 
why have I've been betrayed and when am I getting out? 
I'm confused and hurt. 

-Spencer 

From The Beat: The one thing we know is that you can reach the goals 
you have set for yourself, and that respect comes with reaching those 
goals. We don't know what led you here, but if you did the things you're 
charged with doing, then nobody but you betrayed yourself. (No one 
can snitch on you if you haven't done anything to be snitched on.) 
Being confused is all part of being human, especially at your age, so 
don't let confusion be a reason not to continue to achieve. If finding 
your birth parents is important to you, then we hope you achieve that 
too, but it^ the life that springs from getting a good education — which 
you have set down sk% a goal — that makes all the rest possible. Thank 
you for this piece. 



I Regret Never Listening 



There were many times when people tried to reach me 
and tried to keep me out of trouble, but for some odd 
reason I would never listen to them, even though I knew 
that what they were telling me was true and they were 
really trying to help me out. I am tired of coming in and 
out of jail, and it's moments like this where I regret not 
listening to those people who tried to help me. But, 
hey, people make mistakes and nobody is perfect, and 
hopefully this time I will learn from my mistakes. 

-Wayo 

From The Beat: Of course people — all people — make mistakes. But those 
mistakes don't have to define their entire lives, and we admire you for 
committing yourself not to let your mistakes define you and your future. 
We hope you think hard about why you never listened to those who had 
your best interests at heart, because un\e%% you understand that, you 
may again fail to listen, even to yourself. "Hopefully" is not enough to 
keep you from making the same mistakes. Beyond hope, you have to 
make a plan, one step at a time. Without that, others will be deciding 
what that plan looks like, and you don't want that to happen. 



Sometiilng Needs To Be Done 



X 



I believe everyone needs to change something. No one is 
perfect! For me, though, I believe a lot of things need to 
be done, like learning to make the right decision and be 
stronger when it comes to peer pressure. 

Anyone can change, but it's up to that person to do it. 
Don't be held back from what you're capable of and take 
care of your problems now, before it's too late. Getting 
things "done" can mean a few things, like finishing your 
homework or saying no to drugs. But it's not that easy, 
as most of us know, so just look upon yourself and know 
you control your fate. 

-Mejia 

From The Beat: We agree with every word in this piece, Mejia. You're 
right, it^ not easy to do the things you know are right, so you have 
to be careful with every step you take. But when you examine where 
you are, and what lies ahead without the changes you know you need 
to make, that's not esksy, either. What is the most important help you 
could u%e to succeed in doing what you want? What are the obstacles 
in your way? 



wr^/ ' f^ff/^ 



\ 



\ I 



Fillini In The Blaiks 



You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard, "You're 
a screw up, and always will be!" or you might have. Either 
way, the bottom line is I might be, but I won't always be 
one. I've had teachers tell me, "Give up! You're a failure." 
I've had my mom's ex-boyfriend tell me how bad of a jerk I 
was, on a daily basis. I've even had my mom tell me once 
how bad I've messed both her life and mine before. 

But you know what? I don't care any more. I have 
done a lot of bad things in my life and I may have ruined 
it, but I'm going to change and prove everybody wrong. I 
will do something in my life and be somebody. I may be 
incarcerated for six to eight more months, but when I get 
released, things will change. I can do it and I will, so don't 
call me a failure, because it's not true. 

-Kay-Gee 

From The Beat: Just by writing this, you have shown that you are no 
failure. Change begins in the mind, and what you've written tells u% 
that it is not something you have to wait for until you get out, because 
it^ already happening. Adults (especially parents and teachers) who tell 
children that they will always be failures are, themselves, failing in 
their own responsibilities, so we greatly admire you for not crediting 
what they tell you. It is obvious that you have a good brain, and the 
determination to u%e it. Don't let the world define you. You have not 
ruined your life, but only made mistakes, sk% we all have. Follow through 
on your promise to continue to make the changes you know you need to 
make for a future you know you want to have. 



U^ 




rm Sorry 



J L 



Mom, I am sorry 

What I make you go through 

All the lying 

The behavior 

The attitude 

You deserve better 

Now I'm locked up 

An' all I do is think 

Now I see from your eyes 

You have done so much for me 

And I'm thankful 

Thank you 

I love you 

-Ruby 

From The Beat: Of course, your mom will cry when she reads this poem 
(and you must show it to her). But they will be tears of happiness, and 
she deserves nothing less. Don't forget all that you've said when you 
walk out of here and are able to make your own decisions again. 








W/// ' f^ff/^ 



Hopelessness Leads To Dropping Dot 

What makes kids drop out of school is sometimes the 
people that they hang out with in the streets. Sometimes 
people are more interested in getting money, girls, 
everything, instead of wasting their time at school, 
when they are already missing a lot of credits or feel like 
school is hopeless for them. Then, when you are trying 
to get money anyway, people get locked up and waste a 
lot of time in the hall, and then they really feel like it's 
hopeless, so maybe they will just work towards getting 
their GED or not. 

Sure, people have plans on getting right back to the 
hustle on the streets, because maybe a year wasn't shhh 
for them. Also, people stop going to school because some 
people have a lot of problems with their family, girl, legal 
problems, and just want to stay on the streets. Also, 
people just get lost in drugs and alcohol and start getting 
into that and they might stay in school, but in the end 
they don't have enough credits to graduate, so they just 
drop out and keep doing drugs and get locked up. 

For some people, being incarcerated helps them get 
back on track, but I know for a lot of us, if we spend too 
much time in and out, we just work on getting towards 
your GED. I haven't thought of dropping out yet, but if 
I keep coming in and out of here, I'm forced to get my 
GED instead of nothing. I'm trying to make this my last 
time coming in here and make my parents proud and 
graduate. 

-Josue 

From The Beat: Thank you, Josue, for talcing this topic seriously and 
writing so well about it. it's obvious to u% that you have taken your 
schooling seriously, too, because you are able to think and to express 
yourself well. What is the hardest thing for you about staying out? What 
would help you the most to truly make this the last time. Graduating 
from school is not just a way to make your parents proud (although 
it certainly will make them proud), it's also a way to make you proud 
of yourself, and to give yourself the best preparation you need for a 
successful future, and one lived in freedom. 



Pain 



In my little corner of the world 

Violence and pain 

In a crowd, yet lonely 

Try to rise above 

But held back by those who say they care 

The past haunts me 

But not my own choice 

My honesty is bad 

My lies are believed 

I accept myself, my faults, my strengths 

My weaknesses, my feelings 

My achievements are overlooked 

My failures glamorized 

I know nothing 

I'm not responsible 

A disappointment is what I'm made to be 

Loneliness is my best friend 

Dreaming is my desire 

My little corner of the world 

Is priceless 

-Rambo 

From The Beat: When you avoid the kinds of gang references you know 
we can't put in The Beat, you are so, so good! There is so much in this 
poem that we wish we could sit with you for your explanation. Why 
do you "know nothing?" Why are you "not responsible?" What are your 
strengths and weaknesses, your failures and achievements? When we 
read a poem of this subtlety, all we want is more. 



I Siioold Have Gone To Soliooi 

One day I woke up and decided to stop going to school 

I just wasn't feeling it any more; it just wasn't cool 

I needed my sleep, my life, my friends 

The ones who forgot about me towards the end 

And now I'm staring at four white walls 

Wondering how I'm gonna make it through all my falls 

School just wasn't for me 

Now I'm bored and lonely 

Trying so hard to keep my head up 

But life keeps crashing down; it's so tough 

Shoulda gone to school that day 

'Cause now I'm locked up and there's nothing else to say 

-Pink 

From The Beat: The only thing we can disagree ivith in this poem is 
your last line, "there's nothing else to %x^." Oh, ^e%, there is much more 
to %«y. \V% one thing to regret the choice you made to quit school, but 
that isn't the end of it. That is a decision that can be turned around, 
and should be. You are young, but even old people who never finished 
school finds ways to go back and do it... if that's what they want to do. 
One difference between children and adults is that adults think about 
the future, not just the present, and that means they often have to 
do things they "aren't feeling" because they want something better to 
happen, something they are feeling. So don't just accept your choice, 
make new ones. Get your education; it^ the key to a better future. 



^ 



J 



/ did want to go to school, hut at the 
middle of the tfear, It got ho ting, and I de- 
cided to cut class most of the time. 



HiOll ScllOOi 



u 



Back in freshman year, I thought high school was going 
to be an interesting place to be. Most of the people that 
I know that have dropped out (including me) have most 
likely quit school because they don't care or it means 
nothing to them/me. All I would care about is money. 

My junior year I got a job, and I was gettin' my money 
and buying whatever I want with it. So then, when my 
senior year came through, I did want to go to school, but 
at the middle of the year, it got boring, and I decided to 
cut class most of the time. 

While I was cutting class, we used to go to the "spot," 
(Sequoia Station under Long's Drugs, to be exact.) We 
burned 8s most of the time and when lunch arrived, go 
back to class and just chill in class. Most of the time 
class would pass by fast when you're blasted. At 3:10 pm, 
get out of school and go and smoke some more grapes 
and eat pupusas in the Salvadorian taco truck. After 
eating, play some soccer and enjoy the rest of the night 
with another blunt. The day after, not go to school until 
brunch time (9:40 a.m.) After brunch, go smoke again and 
do the same thing over and over again. 

That's my drop out story. 

-Manny 

From The Beat: This is a POW, not because we admire the way you 
approached your schooling, but because you've been very honest and 
taken the topic seriously. How do you thing your approach to school 
might affect your future? is it also possible that by not taking school 
seriously, you contributed to putting yourself here in the box? How will 
you deal with other things in life that are not to your liking or boring 
(a job, for example, which can be very boring), or other problems you 
might face? it seems to us that the problem is you were looking at 
school the way a child might — if i don't like it, i won't do it — without 
thinking of how it will affect you as stn adult. You're writing is very 
mature, so we wonder if you've changed your view of dropping out. 
Do you plan to pursue your education when you're out? We sure hope 
so, because there is a world of knowledge to learn about, and you are 
capable of so much! 



^^^ 



amam// • r/r/et/ 



''/?TCHM/?D M^D/7XD TXT' 



miM^g 



Sadistic Women 



The only thing I can do is cry 

Because all of the joy and happiness has been drained 

from my body 

I feel as if no one understands 

I feel as if I should be dead 

It's not as if it would make a difference to anyone 

Just take me away 

Far away 

Somewhere 

So I can become what I am destined to be 

A nobody 

Let my place be given to someone who deserves it, who 

wants it 

I am in a dark place and it seems as if I am stuck 

Nothing, no one is in this dark place with me 

Leaving me alone in the dark fighting this battle and 

progressively 

Losing day after day sitting here missing your face 

Screaming deep down and crying in disgrace 

Wishing for you to be by my side 

Instead you run and look to hide 

The pressure we have to be the best 

Is causing our youth to be put to the test 

So look at me and see me cry 

Because I miss you and I'm not going to lie 

As I cut my wrist and watch my clothes stain 

It's just a reminder of all of my pain 

Teardrops across my face 

And at the same time I feel my heart race 

The blade slips away from my hand on to the floor 

Oh how I wish I was able to feel that just one more 

And it was bleeding on the bathroom floor 

That you decided not to take it anymore 

You looked down into my eyes 

And said you wouldn't save me next time 

You said you could not wait and see 

When I was a flnally happy 

You said it was a waste of time and space 

So turn me into a different face 

So instead of staying, you just left 

And left my heart completely bereft 

There's nothing left for me to do 

But cut me everything in two 

So it's back to bleeding on the bathroom floor 

Where no one was able to save me once more 

Sucking out the last of life crying out to no one 

Can't someone hear me? 

Screaming out to anyone is there anyone out there? 

Can't see anything it's to dark to make out my 

surroundings 

Lost and alone this place is so cold 

Hands frozen and flngers stuck together 

Where am I? Why doesn't anyone come? 

Crying out for the last time 

I'm going out of my mind 

Screaming out to anyone 

And no one no one comes to free me from this cold darkness 

Why doesn't anyone come? 

I've got a confession to make 

Can't anybody hear me crying out these last tears? 

Screaming out these last words? 

Too late to cry out 

Too late to scrccim out much too late to wait for someone 

Anyone to save me from myself 

Just let me leave and not cut my throat in two 

So let me leave. 



Richard "Lif Man" Madrid III from California Correctional Institution 
in Tehachapi, CA, steps up this weeic with a number of powerful 
pieces to absorb. 



Seven Time Lnser 



I'm a seven time loser. 

I come from an abusive dysfunctional family, 

which did drugs and alcohol. 

I was screwed up, 

in the hands of my father, 

who is a drug addict and a messed up alcoholic himself. 

I guess that's where all this madness and sin started 

by following my father's footsteps. 

Little did I know where it would take me, 

to loneliness, in prison. 

Depression, hatred, 

prejudice, and quick to blame anyone and everyone 

for my misfortune, 

I destroyed every relationship 

trying to do more drugs, 

women and sin I would get into. 

To try and flU the loneliness and emptiness I had inside, 

but that's before the grace of God that has come over 

and in me. 

For He got my attention. 

I'm in prison doing my time 

so depressed 

but screw it. 

That's life. 

Like my life now? 




Heart nf Stnne 



This heart of stone sure is missing you. 
Sure is wishing you were back where love belongs 

This heart of stone has not forgotten you 

But broke while trying to pretend that it was strong 

Memories have made its will to grow tined and weak 

Silently it turned from being bold to meek 

Till flnally it gave in to a sad defeat 

Aching more and more with every fragile beat 

Loneliness has slowly stripped it of its pride 

Leaving just an empty heart here behind 

Without a hope of any way it could survive 

Stranded there alone and simply left to die 



///////#/////,/// ////#///,//////// 



^T^^WT^^mmmrm / / . f^/ [/JJ / 



'/?XnH^/?D Mf7DffTD TXT canr.' 




The Evil One 



My name is Satan. I'm the father of lies. I come to rob 
steal and destroy. My desires are to rob you of your peace 
and to steal your joy, and my ultimate goal is to destroy 
your soul? 

Fm the one that hated you from the very first day of 
your worthless life. I'm the one that's always with you 
when you think evil perverted and disgusting thoughts. 
I'm the one who encourages you to lie, steal, cheat, and 
display all that good anger, hate and jealousy. 

Yes I'm the one who distracts you whenever you try to 
do the right things in life boy. Do I love it when you fail? 
Guess what, I'm the reason why you don't believe in God. 
I'm the one that strangles your faith and eradicates the 
spirit that fries to embed its self in you. I love to always 
reign supreme in your heart, soul and mind. 

Matter of fact, I would love for you to kill someone 
real bad so we can sit in the hell fire together forever. 

By the way, before I go, I want to remind you not to 
do anything good or serve anyone but me. Please don't let 
me catch you praising or serving God 'cause I will be very 
upset with you. Take care. I'll be watching for sure your 
friend. 



If There Was A Way 

I was just standing 
Alone in this room 
Surrounded by memories 
We stopped making to soon 
I was just standing 
Alone in this room 
I was just thinking 

All to myself 

How I still want you 

And nobody else 

I was just thinking 

All to myself 

In this darkness I move slowly 

Always struggling to be free 

But I still hear your voice 

And everywhere I see the choice 

That's made such a fool of me 

I was just wondering 

It there was a way 

To bring you back to me 

Maybe things I could say 

I was just wondering 

If there was a way? 



'MXHH^XL, Afff/?/<HffSBi/' 



Another's Pain Nn One Can Know 

Or walk within another's sorrow 

The One who made the heart will show 

How to sustain it till tomorrow. 

The soul is an abyss of deep, 

A world unknown, but it's our choice: 

To weep with those who mourn and weep. 

To joy with those who do rejoice. 

One of the striking features of The Beat Within (at least 
for me) is the raw quality of some of the workshop entries. 
They are murderous. Forgive me, I don't even know if there 
is such descriptive term, but if there is - - it's appropriate 
to describe some of what I've read in the juvenile section. 
Without oversimplifying it, much of what those young 
people experience in their daily lives is absurd, and should 
not even be placed upon adults. 

I'm not talking about the other crap that I myself 
used to do in juvy about a dozen years ago. I'm aiming at 
what is behind it: the broken people, coming from broken 
communities, growing up in broken families, trying to 
forge an existence. The sum of which typically results in 
more brokenness. The abuse, the neglect (which is simply 
another form of abuse), the dope, the game, the streets, the 
lack of direction - - all of these are contributing factors. I 
don't know. Maybe prison has detached me from reality, 
and has made me soft. . . 

I write this as an Orthodox Christian, as someone who is 
convinced that God is love and His essence is indescribable 
goodness. And that this world is governed by God. 

Alright, so where, then, does the previous paragraph fit in 
this goodness theology? Good question, and unfortunately 
I'm unqualified to answer it. But, I will borrow something 
out of monastic literature, from St. Anthony of Egypt. 

When the same Abba Anthony thought about the depth 



It's Sin incredible honor to have Mikhail Markhasev back in the pages 
of The Beat Within. This thoughtful writer^ insights are priceless 
and a true blessing. He is writing u% from Corcoran State Prison in 
Corcoran, Ca. Those of you following this veteran's weekly pieces know 
he has been dropping some pretty deep pieces for u% all to read. Pay 
attention to every word because you might miss something. 



of the judgments of God, he asked, "Lord, how is it that 
some die when they are young, while others drag on to 
extreme age? Why are those who are poor and those who 
are rich? Why do the wicked men prosper and why are the 
just in need?" He hear the voice answering him, "Anthony, 
keep your attention on yourself; these things are according 
to the judgment of God, and it is not your advantage to 
know anything about them." Well, in that case, may God 
help me know what is "to my advantage", and not concern 
myself with what is too high for me. 

One of the "injustices" in the world is the fact that I'm 
alive, while better men are dead? Can I say anything against 
God? No, I'm alive only because God is good, and I'm given 
another day to repent, to make sure that my future doesn't 
repeat my past. My repentance is a gift - - a part of growing 
up, and becoming in prison what I've failed to be in the real 
world. That in itself is a gift of mercy. 

More about that next time... 

Life's a meat grinder of a kind. 
Shredding through every fiber and bone 

All of humanity squeezed the grind 

Together we come, but endure it alone. 

There's pressure enough to implode the soul. 

Jammed into darkness but that's not the goal 

Forced to proceed with no exit in sight. 

Pushed from behind toward invisible light 

Mangled and mashed, beset from each side 

Striving and swimming, unable to hide 

Violently slammed but in this we confide: 

Uncrushed and unmoved in God's hope we abide. 



///////#/////,/// ////#///,//////// 



^^^5aHI^JHOKIK//^#////// 



'MXnH^BL, nf7IIfff7L,' 




Life Goes On 



I've been hit with a struggle 

Ripped from my family 

Pushed to the edge 

I shook hands with insanity 

But ril be all right, though 

'Cause you taught me how 

So keep your head up for me, Homie 

And never look down 

Because still through it all 

Happiness will prevail 

I'll have some battle wounds 

But I'm gonna live to tell the tale 

Life goes on, Homie 

But only if you let it 

Guilt is for the weak 

So live free and don't regret it 

Every dog has his day 

So become a man and have a lifetime 

Get your mind right, fly right 

And let your light shine 

Never give up hope 

And know that nothing ever comes 

free 

But never feel powerless 

Because, Homie, you're a young king 

With so much to live for 

So much to lose 

So step back fro the past 

And snap back to the real you 

It's important to know 

That mistakes will be made 

But you've gotta learn from them 

Let 'em be motivation to change 



When we consider the gifts this writer of barely 21 years already possesses — gifts of 
intelligence and grace and humor and love — we can only imagine how much he will teach u% 
as he grows. Michael Cabral is one of those "natural-born" writers who can say the most profound 
things in the simplest ways. The two pieces that follow are "old" pieces to him. He wrote the poem, 
"Life Goes On" when he was still in juvenile hall, already recognizing that change starts from the 
individual, and that it is a process, not simply a statement. The longer piece, "Road To Freedom" is 
a parable (like those that Jesus told) that was meant to answer a friend's question, "What's prison 
like." After reading it, the friend wrote back, "I don't get it." We hope you do. Your life may depend 
on it. Michael shares his brilliance with us from his cell at Salinas Valley State Prison. 



I know evil ways 

Aren't erased in a sentence 

But it's time to break the cycle 

Step up and make a difference 

You're the future of the world 

So let the past be the past 

Be strong move on 

Live long, but not fast 

There's not enough time 

In this life to waste 

So hurry up and be yourself 

'Cause you're one of the greats 

You've got the key to joy 

Right in front of your face 

And when you stop to realize it 

There's no more running away 

There's no more problems to create 

All the drama is useless 

Once you open up your eyes 

There's no more need for excuses 

'Cause things happen to us all 

It's how you react to it 

That'll set you apart 

From either pain or happiness 

And never live to impress 

Be the best because of love 

If fake friends is what you need 



The world will never be enough 

And learn to forgive 

Accept your neighbor for who he is 

'Cause one day you'll need a friend 

And he'll be yours if you be his 

Remember where you're from 

It can't become a mystery 

Let the past be the past 

But take pride in your history 

Because knowing who you are 

And you have been through the 

centuries 

Is sometimes enough 

To get you through the pain and 

misery 

Be thankful for your memories 

But life goes on 

Hold fast to your morals 

Know right from wrong 

And every time you think you Ccin't fly 

Just breathe 

'Cause everything's gonna be all right 

You'll see 

That life goes on, Homie 

Yes, it does 

And know that no one can ever 

Take our pride from us 



Road To Freedom 



Michael is sitting on the middle cushion of his mama's 
couch, directly in front of the TV, watching nothing he feels 
is particularly good. He isn't really paying at any attention 
anyway. He woke up this morning the best mood he has 
been in for quite some time, and that's all his mind is 
wrapped up in right now. 

Occasionally, he considers what to do today, what might 
flt his unexplainable joy and the broad smile he just can't 
get rid of. (Not the he intends to explain or get rid of any 
part of this moment.) He thinks about his friends and who 
he should call to share today with. Also, he thinks about 
his family and how lucky he is to have such an amazing 
one. 

"Mom!" Michael calls out during "a few short messages." 
He wants to ask his mom if she is going to be busy today, 
because he's decided that she is the perfect person to share 
a good day with. "I know you hear me. Mom," he says in 
mock-seriousness. She doesn't answer him, so he walks 
from the living room to the kitchen where he thinks she is, 
but she isn't. Michael's mom isn't in her bedroom or in the 
garage, either. In this garage, though, he notices that his 
mom's car is gone, too. So he assumes that she just went 
to the store real quick, that she'll be right back. 

Still smiling, Michael — comfortable with it because he 
is alone — begins to scream (he calls it singing) the few 
words he remembers from a good song he heard the other 
day. It makes him laugh at himself. 

He is walking back to the living room to continue 



watching whatever it is he was watching, hoping his 
mom gets home soon so they can hang out together. 
They haven't done that in a while. Almost to the living 
room, he passes the telephone on the kitchen counter just 
as it begins to ring. 

"Talk to me, caller," he answers the phone, the smile 
heavy in his voice. 

The voice on the opposite end of the line was heart- 
attack serious, though. "Is this Michael?" 

"Yes, it is." The seriousness in the called voice somewhat 
confused Michael. It almost sounded too serious. This has 
to be one of his friends about to pay a pointless prank, he 
thinks. Then, just as he is about to ask the caller for his 
name, the caller speaks again. 

Urgently he said, "Someone you love has been in a 
terrible accident. That person is at Freedom Hospital," and 
with that the caller hung up. 

"Someone I love?!... Accident?!... What the hefl!" 
Michael's thoughts are racing. Is it his mom? One of his 
brothers? Or his sister? Are his friends okay? Is this even 
true? 

Michael's good day and good mood aren't good any 
more. His smile is gone. He is confused and he is scared. 
But he is determined to get to Freedom Hospital, to flnd out 
whether everything is all right or is gonna be all right. Who 
is hurt? What the hell is happening? 

Panicking, Michael grabs his keys, runs out the door 
of his home, and gets into his car. He speeds away. Moving 
faster than he's ever gone before (and too scared to slow 



^continued. on.nexUpagem 



^^^ 



amam// • #////// 



'AfXCHMBl^ n^H/P^L, 



canr. 



miM^g 



down), he is running stop signs, ignoring oncoming traffic, 
and he isn't even wearing a seatbelt. All that is on his mind 
is getting to Freedom. 

After about four miles, he grows angry because he has, 
at this point, already passed more hospitals than he ever 
knew there were. Why is it taking so long to get to the 
one he needed to be at? Michael's mind is racing again. Is 
somebody dying? Dead? In pain? Was "terrible accident" 
an exaggeration? Is everything at the hospital okay? 

Then he sees his mom's car parked on the side of the 
road. His mom is leaning against the car, almost looking as 
if she has been waiting for him to pass by. She smiles and 
waves and blows kisses as soon as she sees her son. This 
makes Michael feel better. It even brings him back to reality 
long enough for him to realize just how fast and reckless 



he is driving. 

But this realization makes him panic again. He is 
beginning to cry, wondering to himself if it is too late to 
slow down. Deciding that yes, it is, he then wonders if he's 
even going to make it to the hospital. Will he crash along 
the way? Will he take a wrong turn and never find Freedom 
Hospital? 

"I have to get there, I have to get there, I have to get 
there," he is repeating over and over in his mind. "Everything 
is going to be okay," he tries to comfort himself. "But what 
if it isn't?" 

He looks as far ahead up the road as he can, but sees 
nothing... or, at least, nothing familiar. Where the hell is 
this damn Freedom?" 

Hopefully, for his sake, he hasn't already passed it by. 




'£7ffBnnnff¥ slbbth' 



Greggory Sleeth is writing u% from a correctional facility in S^n 
Diego, Ca and wants to share a quick reminder with all you readers 
out there. 



Remember 



Forget each kindness that you do 

As soon as you have done it. 
Forget the praise that falls to you 

The moment you have won it. 

Forget the slander that you hear 

Before you can repeat it. 

Forget each slight, each spite. 

Each sneer, where ever you may 

Meet it. 

Remember every kindness done 

To you, what ever its measure. 

Remember praise by others won 

And pass it on with pleasure 
Remember every promise made 

And keep it to the letter. 

Remember those who lend you 

Aid and be a grateful debtor. 

Remember all the happiness 

That comes your way in living 

Forget each worry and distress. 

Be hopeful and forgiving 

Remember good, remember 

Truth, remember Heaven's above 

You. 



'MTHH^BL, MnMXnnB¥' 



Michael McKinney is writing us from Union Correctional Institution 
in Raiford, Fla. Michael has been dropping nothing but game for all 
u% readers for awhile now. He's an intelligent writer that is not afraid 
to put his feelings down for all you readers out there to know what 
his life, shoot, what prison is like. Listen to this man you might learn 
something. See where he's coming from. 



Trapped in a Hole 



My life is trapped in a prison hole 

But I will not fold 

I been kept in this prison hell hole for a great number of 

years 

More years then I can count on my hands 

With both hands put together 

I have become to be somewhat clever 

Quick to learn and apply my ideas 

This is what helps me survive 

This hole I have been trapped in for so many years at a 

time 
While being in the hole, many times the system have 

tried 

To push me to that breaking point hoping to lose my 

mind 

But my inner strength kept me hanging on strong 

My inner strength kept me from letting this system 

break me Into selling my soul 

That's something that was never going to happen 

'Cause I will keep up my struggle until I grow old 

But only the wise way 

God is the only one I will allow 

To have full control over my soul 

God's word was my source of hope in this mad and bad 

hold 

I have been trapped in, and in this hole, 

I have heard there are times to bend but just don't break 

I took that saying as one would have to be flexible in a 

situation like this 'cause in the hellhole of prison 

In prison every circumstance conspires to make a 

prisoner lose His hold, so he won't have any control 

But in this hole I still have the freedom and ability to 

choose What my attitude would be like in a given set of 

circumstance. 



^^^ 



amasm// • r/r/et/ 



'/?niiB/?T Dxxnn' 



miM^g 



Beauty 



The most beautiful thing in this world I have known 

I've watched it blossom like a rose than turn to stone 

I've smelled it, held it, breathed in its sweet scent 

I've laid beside it for hours s I lay content 

I've wished for it to love me as I've loved it so 

I've longed for the beauty as I've watched the beauty 

grow 
I have tasted every part of this beauty oh what a sweet 

taste 

Lips to lips, face to face, in each other's embrace 

I've been apart from that beauty, how I long for that day 

to come 
When all the miles between us will simply turn to none 



Our Luve 



Your beauty shines like the stars in a clear night sky 

Our love is honest, its truth, it does not lie 

You're always there whether we're near or far 

That's why I love you for all that you are 

Our love is like reality it does not bend 

For that its great, our love will never end 

Our love will last longer than time and space 

For that our love cannot be replaced 

If I shall ever question our love 

I shall be denied from the heavens above 

To burn forever in the fiery flame 

For all eternity our love shall try to reclaim 



^ 

i 



Afraid tn Ask 



As I sit in my cell and anticipate the day of my release 

I wonder where I would go if my breath would cease 

Where would I go if my life would come to an end? 

Will I fall to the smoldering pits or to heaven will I 

ascend 
As I sit behind these walls I ask questions that's 

unknown to man 

On the yard I smile and live like my life is grand 

Some are scared to die I welcome death with a simple 

smile 
Most don't care where they go till they've walked that 

last inch or mile 
My life has been on a downward spiral now it's almost 

up in smoke 

On the words I've dreaded to speak will I fall and choke 

Will I ask for forgiven when death is finally at my door 

Or will I cast all aside and simply be a boor. 



VUW 



This I vow to you heaven and earth combine 

Our mind body and soul our hearts intertwine 

This I vow to you I will never leave 

A perfect life for us, this I will achieve 

This I vow to you when I say I do 

Our love will be forever just me and you 

This I vow to you in my hour of death 

I would of gave you all my love 

In me there's nothing left 

This I vow to you when I reach the 

Heaven above the throne beside my God I'll 

Wait for the one I love. 



Robert Dixon is no stranger to The Beat Within, sk% many of you 
readers have %een his woric in past \%%ue%. Robert is currently iociced 
in South Central Correctional Center in Missouri. He has a few poems 
to share with everyone and his work really shows you his thoughts and 
insights on life itself behind these prison walls. 



Wunder 



I wonder what it's like to be a good father 

I wonder what it's like to be there for my daughter 

I wonder what it's like to watch my daughter grow 

I wonder what it's like to play with her in the snow 

I wonder what it's like to watch my daughter pray 

I wonder what it's like to see her on Christmas day 

I wonder what it's like to hear her say dad wake up 

I wonder what it's like to see her put on make-up 

I wonder what it's like to tuck her on at night 

I wonder what it's like to sing her Silent Night 

I wonder what it's like to drop her off at school 

I wonder what it's like to hear her say dad you're so cool 

One day these wonders will turn to stone 

These wonders will disappear as soon as I go home 



As I sit IH mif cell and antici- 
pate the da If of mif release 
I wonder where I won Id go If mif 
hreath woM cease 
Where would I go If mif life 
would come to an end? 



1 



.J 



Prisuu Life At Seveuteen 



I came to prison at seventeen 

Scared and depressed 

I tried to look mean 

Then I found the man who made me happy throughout 

the day 

I would pick up a bible to hear what He had to say 

He told me not to sin, to live like this day was my last 

Look to the future instead of the past 

He said ever time you feel like you are going to sin 

Pick up the bible and pick up a pen 

Write down the things you see and feel 

Soon enough they will be real 

In prison I see men weak and small 

Strong and tall then I wonder their downfall 

So I tell them of you and what you've been through 

I tell them to come to church with me on Sunday 

Some come and stay 

So now I'm on my knees and this is what I pray 

Forgive them lord for they do not know 

The love you have share and show 

I pray that they find you before it's too late 

I pray that you fill their hearts with love and take out the 

hate 
I pray they will look down deep within and find you oh 

Lord 
Please forgive them. Amen. 



///////#/////,/// ////#///,//////// 



^l^^wjEimmM/i^mu r-j^/rjjjr 



'UB/?BM¥ rnu/nsff' 




My Last Letter To The Beat 

It has been 10 years since I knew of this publication and it 
has been an honor and a privilege to know you all. In a huge 
way my printed expressions have helped me grow and see 
who I am, and you all have helped me grow and see who I 
am and you all have helped me become a man just by your 
support and free publication. For that I am in great debt for 
your time. 

So as to this missive it will be my last, so that another 
may take it's place. As all things come and go, so must I 
follow the order of unbreakable occurrence. I am at great 
peace now that God has pulled me out of my darkness 
and I see more clearly then at any other time in my short 
existence. So as to what I could write to awaken another... 
well it has all been said from all who write you. All the 
expressions of all the emotions from all who search for 
where they belong have built a path to the truth. 

Each poem is a brick in the path to what we all truly 
seek. Life, ... and not just life, but life to it's fullest, life with 
love, truth, justice, dignity, forgiveness and compassion. 
These true virtues of who we are, are the highest we can 
achieve. Love being the strongest. I believe it is Christ that 
has given me these and I would not be doing my duty if 
I did not tell you so. Such a skeptic I was, but I see that 
skepticism is nothing, nothing but foolish pride. Each new 
person is condemned to live our lives but they do have 



Jeremy Towner is writing u% from Corcoran California. Jeremy has 
been a writer for The Beat Within since it damn near started, when 
he was a youngster fighting for his life in Sskntsk Cruz County Juvenile 
Hall. He's been blessing u% with his powerful pieces for a long time now. 
But we're going to let him speak his piece and where he stands, we do 
hope he reconsiders and continues to bless his friends here at The Beat 
with his wisdom. We hate losing writers and friends. The Beat prides 
itself in relationships, so to read the following piece saddens u%. 



freewill to change their choice on which life to follow. 
Sometimes we copy many ways to live from many lives and 
hope we do it right. For me there is only one true life to live. 
That is the life of Christ. 

So I cannot say what way to go in life, only Christ can. 
And if all want a normal life then they will listen, learn, 
and fight uphill. Remember, we have all fallen and that was 
easy. It's rising back up that is the true test of who we are. 
There are others around us who have fallen and they will 
try to drag you back down again and again. Leave them 
to their darkness and seek the light of truth and the true 
Kingdom of Heaven. Life is a test of endurance but it is 
nothing more than we can handle for we are the creation 
of life's expression. We are the elements of the world but 
our souls are the very breath of divine life, keep seeking 
and you will find what has been within you since your first 
breath in this world. 
Keep fighting, keep expressing, keep growing. 

We never grow smaller, only bigger. 



''SHB^M^no. M^nnxnn' 



Blue-Eyed Blonde Book Two 

The loud, obstreperous lonely, unmarried, dysfunctional and 
ridiculous miscreant. 

On bl21l07 at 4: 15 pm, N walked into my room (unauthorized 
and against the rules because he had a gun strapped to him) 
and took off his dark, Ray Charles sunglasses and proceeded 
to verbally harass, taunt, tease and insult me. I'm glad he 
had the audacity to (finally) pull off his dark shades (if but 
for a moment) because when I look into your eyes I see you. 
Everything I need to know about you is revealed to me in those 
(eyes) windows to the soul. 

I saw why he keeps them on. A. He has some kind of nervous 
tick, which causes him to blink his eyes a thousand times a 
minute. This kind of eye battling is very common to tweakers 
and speed freaks. Does N use speed? I have absolutely no 
evidence that he does. But looking at his eyes, as well as viewing 
his constant jitteriness, etc., it could be concluded that he may 
be a crystal meth abuser. His eyes were dancing around in REM 
(Rapid Eye Movement) like someone spinning on a speed trip. 
His visit to my room was provoked by the fact that he had heard 
that hospital staff has been giving newspapers to read. And in 
his demented, biased, un-Christian and corrupted opinion no 
inmate should be able to read a newspaper. 

Instead we should sit idly and perhaps listen to his 
embellished and fictitious talk of imaginary happenings. He 
also reinforced the fact that his "Boy" T was gonna silence 
me when I get back to Yard-A. N should never (as well as CO 
M and Sgt. N ) be allowed to work in a hospital. They have 
vicious spirits, assaultive minds and the personal philosophy 
of hatred. And maybe all that has happened to me was to bring 
me here. Maybe the universe brought a Georgia boy like me 
to take on these ignorant, criminal and corrupted officers in 
CDC. 

Perhaps God got tired of spiritual wickedness in high 
place. And God had your boy (this writer) in training or in 
boot camp in Atlanta. God prepared me via my close personal 
association with the late great Rev. Hosea Williams. And all 
that "Doc" (Rev Williams) learned from his close association 



Author, Sherman D. Manning is writing to us from Pleasant Valley 
State Prison in Coalinga, CA. He is sharing with us an episode of 
the daily life he faces of being in prison. We appreciate Sherman 
talcing the time out to share a part of him, given the many books he is 
writing/has written. The following piece speaks volumes, and for our 
own protection, given we do not know when this piece took place, have 
simply changed the names of the correction officers to their initials. 



with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was to rub off on me. I learned 
passion, toughness, courage, dignity, leadership, and hot to 
fight (politically) from Rev. Williams. It boggles my mind to 
learn how many people (outside of Atlanta, the state of Georgia, 
Alabama, and a handful of other southern states) don't know 
who Rev. William's was! Hosea Williams was a Civil Rights 
Legend! Chief Field General for Dr. King's S.C.L.C. and Rev. 
Williams holds the national record for going to jail (for civil 
rights) more than any other civil rights leader living or dead! 

I also learned a ton of lessons from my close association 
with Ambassador/Mayor Andre Young! And I think that all that 
I learned from James, DoUie, Brenda, Rev. Moses Lee Raglin, 
Rev. Hosea Williams, Andy Young, Uncle Melvin Jackson, Big 
Momma (great grandma Clara Clarkson), Big Daddy (Grady 
Jackson-great granddaddy) etc., etc., and what I learned from 
so many others in Atlanta, Virginia, Washington D.C., New 
York, Los Angeles, Tennessee, etc., etc. All these lessons were 
(indeed) preparation for the battles, which I now face. I could 
never have sustained and maintained throughout this storm of 
a wrongful conviction, the loneliness of incarceration and the 
violent attacks upon me by the Ts, Ns, Ms, Sgt. Ns, Bs, the Bs 
or some of theses others. 

I could have learned what I've learned in any book, course 
or class. I had to go through this just certainly as Joseph had 
to go through that. I had to come upon this storm just as Job 
had to come upon that storm. 

There will be changes! You can rest assured that some 
things (in CDC) will never, ever be the same because I was here. 
I'm not just here for me. But I must represent! I'm representing 
Rev. Hosea Williams, Ambassador Andrew Young and in a sense 
I represent Martin Luther King Jr., Harriet Tubman as well as 
Joseph in Genesis. I've been bought with a price. 



^^^ 



amasm// • #////// 



'^B/?/?¥ n/7^H^M XT' 



miM^g 



Ones Thoughts On Life 



I walk into a familiar place in time that takes me back 
my childhood, but trapped in a world of confusion and 
taking a step into the future and everything is changing. 
Stepping back I examine the world that we live in, seeing 
what's going on, I wonder why we sometimes act they way 
we do, so trying to find my way around and trapped with 
no way out everything starts to become clear. 

Everyday in a world of madness one tries to maintain 
and keep focus on everyday task. Trying to maintain what 
life they have, if one at all. 

We walk around in our own world and we may tend to 
look at the next and wonder what's going on in their lives, 
or wondering about their world their living in, like if ours 
wasn't enough to deal with. 

We probably wonder about what problems they may 
face everyday. Are what their dreams may be, or what 
goals they are trying to achieve. What is one to say what 
they'll do next when they get to the end of them goals, 
only to find themselves standing blank and not knowing 
what to do next because they completed what they were 
after. It wouldn't hurt to just take it one day at a time. 

When we tend to worry about other's lives, we tend to 
worry about what kind of job they may have, or do they 
drive a nice car, but keeps us only guessing. We wonder 
what kind of house they may live in or if they even have a 
house to even live in. 

When we see a homeless person on the street and 
seeing their nature, we are quick to judge them and 
tend to try and get far away from them like if they had a 
contagious disease or something. When really we should 
really be wondering what got them there, or what major 
even took place in their lives that ruined everything they 
once had. 

Maybe we should examine our own lives and be 
thankful for what we do have and for what we don't. 
Maybe we should just be thankful for God allowing us 
to even have life at all. We should always help others, 
because in the same sense like wise will need the same 
help someday. We should never be quick to judge anyone, 
for there's enough of that in the world already and one 
should enjoy the simpler things of life and let God do the 
judging. 

Have you ever stopped to think about looking into 
ones eyes and just to see the pain or hurt that may be 
there in their lives? If you did you might be hurt by the 
sight of it. Looking into that confusion of a world that is 
long dead and gone, then and only then would it get you 
think about your own life and how good your life really 
is. 

Looking into the windows of the soul in front of you 
and wondering what makes that person tick are what 
might keep them going in their everyday lives. It only 
makes you wonder, huh? 

Sometimes we alt to kneel down to ones level and 
ask, "Are you ok?", "Do you need help?", or "How may I 
help you?". 

Or have you ever looked at the next and always wonder 
how can you step your foot into that person's life, to see 
what changes may take place? 

Have you ever stopped to think how we got here, or 
is life on earth like a world inside a computer, just made 
up and your just dreaming, and when and if you do ever 
wake up, you realize that the real world you woke up in, 
is really nothing like the one you dreamed about at all.... 

It's your thoughts "what do you see in your world?" 



Jerry Graham II aka Mouse is writing u% from a Correctional Facility 
in Snyder, Texas. His writing is really deep and has a lot to do with 
life in general. Jerry is trying to get a very important message across 
with us readers of The Beat Within. We can't be dwelling on our past ^% 
we try to start a bright new future. Listen to what this man has to say! 



the things we want to work out 
doH 't alwatfs work out and thetf 
take CI tMrn for the worse,,, ^ 



Two People-One Journey 



As we all know at some point in our lives, in many 
relationships we have to move on toward new 
relationships, fixing broken hearts and healing are old 
pain. So much time goes by and we tend to forget the 
dreams we once had. 

When we have to put down that old life and pick up 
the new one that's waiting for us. We wonder where it's 
gonna go or who its gonna involve. Our new dreams then 
set into a new beginning and the old are blown out with 
the wind, washed away never to be seen, or remembered 
again. 

Times are forgotten as the new life comes into play. 
New photos start to surface and the old get thrown away, 
as of never to remember the old past, as if it didn't happen. 
So this was how are life began... 

These two lives that were suppose to be the one. Were 
put to the side as of never to have even existed the way 
they were suppose to have. They fell in love with not a care 
in the world, lost in one another's eyes and captivated 
between the two with sparkles drawing out the color that 
makes up the beauty that holds fast around one's pupil. 
The long gazing into two totally different worlds, tell the 
story of passion and the long journey's that ones been 
through to get to where they are now. 

Never understanding what their purpose was in life, 
but now finding it to be sitting right in front of them. As 
both thoughts spun out of control, they see that life is 
not starting to make sense and everything is starting to 
come together to complete a world that once seemed so 
big to one is now really just small now that two occupied 
it. 

As we go on in our new lives for some reason the 
things we want to work out don't always work out and 
they take a turn for the worse. Tragedy sets in and the 
two world's that were just starting to make sense are now 
starting to fall apart and not understanding what's going 
on in a state of confusion, their lives begin to fall apart 
and hurt and pain begins to set in. Then setting into a 
cold and darkened world where it's lonely and only felled 
with tears and misery, the remains of memories are all 
that makes the pain harder to bare. 

Then not wanting to accept the world that loneliness 
has to bring, they both set out in different directions in 
hope to find new lives, hoping to find happiness. Once 
again, but not realizing they are just repeating an on going 
cycle that just goes on from one person to the next. 

So as they move on in their lives, their existence of a 
relationship no longer is to be remembered, but only the 
memories lurk in the back on ones mind. 

"What's your Journey?" 



///////#/////,/// ////#///,//////// 



^I^I^^^^^^ ^ffUJj.JJ, ^JIJJ. 



'UBF'F';?B¥ S, Mn;?f7LBS' 




Secondarir Citizens 



For a country founded on creating freedom and equality our 
government seems to spend an inordinate amount of time profiling 
people. During a campaign season, you, my fellow citizens, are a 
'demographic'. To our governments' financial gurus, you are part 
of an 'economic class'. Why are U.S citizens, living in the land 
'the land of the free' so neatly compartmentalized? In actually it 
is an exercise in control, to separate the primary citizens from 
the secondary citizens, or the 'sheep from the herders'. When 
restricting laws are enacted to tighten control, they are manifested 
under the guise of public safety. You are not excluded! If the 
effect of secondary citizenship hasn't been felt yet, your turn is 
coming... 

Florida's government is rapidly approaching the status of the 
'Gestapo'. Florida is becoming a 'police state'. There are over 120 
prisons in Florida (average-2 per county) in operation. County jails 
are overflowing with people waiting t take their turn as wards of 
the state. Many cities in Florida are given the dubious distinction 
of some of the highest crime rates in America. This is largely 
based on prisoners being released and then re-entering the prison 
system once again. 

Why is recidivism so high? Why are communities not getting 
any safer even with all its' 'Gestapo tactics? Florida is a 'for life' 
state. Make one mistake and Florida will condemn you for life! 
There is an old Florida saying: "Florida, come on vacation; leave 
on probation; return on violation". Sadly, for thousands of people, 
this is true. 

When convicted of a crime in Florida, you are monitored for 
life. Felons must register as a criminal in any country they live in, 
and re-register if they move within state. You are subject to possible 
unwarranted harassment as long as you are a Florida resident. 
Justice having been meted out, those released from prison, having 
paid their dept to society, should be allowed to mainstream back 
into that society. 

How do we go from a 'reactive society' to a 'proactive' one? 
Creating more fruitless laws is a pure reactive measure. If we don't 
address the root of the problem hen we are merely putting a band- 
aid on an infection. The best example is drug addiction. This is 
really a medical crisis leading to criminal activity. 'Get tough' laws 
proven not to work. Mandatory counseling and rehabilitation would 
go much, much further to curtail substance abuse and subsequent 
crime. 

There are hundreds of ways of improving the rate of recidivism, 
and I am sure my thoughts are not an inspiration of any unique 
wisdom. But when a judge boasts of having a goal of issuing 1 
million years of prison time during his term in office, (as in Duval 
County) what does that lead to you believe? A judge is supposed 
to be fair and impartial. If a goal like this is set, then they are 
obviously biased and agenda-driven ad show total disrespect for 
the law and their elected position. 

We, the secondary citizens, put these people into office because 
we are manipulated by fancy slogans and fear. That is their power 
over us and that is what makes our citizens' 'sheep'. In Florida the 
prison system is a major source of revenue and employment. It is 
a cash cow pure and simple. There is no money in prison reform 
but it actually would cost less to rehabilitate that to incarcerate. 
The government postulates about rehabilitation but, as usual, it is 
caught up in its own bureaucratic inability to function decisively. 

Lives are destroyed, families are separated, and children 
psychologically damaged, unnecessary new crimes committed 
with needless victims, premature deaths, growing addictions, 
and endless suffering is the future of convicts and their families. 
Could these horrors also be good business and revenue for 
government? 

It is ironic that government officials claim they are making 
communities safer, and yet at the end of their ineffective day, 
they retreat to their guarded, gated havens, away from the very 
citizenry they promised to serve and protect. For every nobleman 
(or politician) there is a need for peasants (secondary citizens). 
This is a historical reality and no one in the mainstream is exempt 
from unwarranted stigmatization. 

Re-establishing a community bond is necessary. Fairness and 
decency, while not the norm any longer, are vital for a community 
to exist. Don't expect elected officials to do the right things as 
they have their own agendas, and have probably risen to their own 
level of incompetence. Officials secretly laugh at us because, as a 
whole, we are so easily 'herded' and fear is their weapon of choice. 
Majority rules, but through devious manipulation we are cut from 
the herd and feel isolated and helpless. 

It is past time to join together and rise above our feelings of 
inadequacy and work together for the good of your family, your 
neighbors, to embrace the principles of freedom and equality that 
your country was founded on. It is not up to me, it is not up to you, 
it is up to us all... 



Jeffrey S. Morales Mayo is incarcerated in Correctional Institution 
in Mayo, Florida. Jeffrey is a part of string of excellent writers that 
come from Florida. He shares his thoughts on life, politics, and gives 
good advice about trying to move ahead once we hit the bump on the 
road of life! 



Bump in tiie Road 



To begin our journey in life we must first get on the highway 
that leads us to our future. In the beginning, the future looks 
good. As we start on our journey we are sent on our way with 
a full tank of gas, (and for the more fortunate, a bag of chips 
and a cold drink). 

As we begin our travels to 'Destination Unknown' we will 
have to make many decisions along the way. Jimmy Buffet 
says. "I may not know where I am going, but I'll know it when 
I get there". TRUE FACT: Most people do not know what they 
want to be when they grow up. Some people even spend their 
lives stuck on deciding whether to grow up. Some people 
even spend their lives stuck on deciding whether to grow up 
or NOT! (I admit I tackled this question longer than most.) 

Some of us start out with a great deal of challenges 
that make it difficult to look past the present and see the 
future ahead. No matter where you starting point is in life, 
remember: Ride on... 

On our highway of life we will come across exits to get 
on and off of. Each exit represents a decision, some good 
and some not so well. The longer we drive on life's highway, 
we can start to see the difference (if we choose to) between 
the good and no so good exits. Sometimes, in life, we choose 
a bad exit. This decision can put us on an extended detour 
(like prison) leaving us to lose some ground until we find our 
highway again. The fact is that when a detour ends you have 
to be prepared to ride on. O.K., so what if your past has more 
not so good exits than good ones? Is avoiding choosing an 
exit in the future the answer? "Even when you choose not 
to choose you still have made a choice." (Lyrics by Rush) in 
life you have to learn to "take the good with the bad". (Yeah, 
yeah, it's true; life is an adventure, if and only if you open 
your mind to it! You can even learn from the not so good 
decisions. 

Most times when we look back on the 'not so good' 
times we can feel good about ourselves because we survived 
it and moved forward. That means you're riding on... So NOT 
choosing NOT an option. (And yes, that means you are still 
making a choice.) I am personally excited about the future 
and the road in front of me. While on the highway of life I 
have chosen not so good exits, I still try to walk away with 
something learned from it. I try to think of the things that lay 
ahead, like the birth of a child; or birthdays, wife's (only one 
at a time); new cars, travel, better jobs, business ventures, 
houses, and $50.00 scratch-off ticket winners. The list goes 
on... 

Somewhere on the highway of life is the exit that will 
lead me to the 20 lb. bass everyone catches but me. (If you 
know the exit, don't tell me.) 

One final though: "What about the bumps in the road?" 
These are things you don't control and can screw up a good 
road trip. I was recently running down life's highway (actually 
I was on a detour, looking for it), when 'WHAM!' I get a flat. 
I can grumble about it but it doesn't want to be flat either. 
AHH-HA! How about whatever made my tire go flat? Yes, I 
can do that. However, the true answer is still "No". So who 
or what do I get mad at? The answer is "Nothing". In order to 
move on, you need to fix the flat. Any energy used other than 
the task at hand is wasted energy. Simply get past the flat as 
best you can ride on... When you do, later down the road you 
can look back and feel proud you overcame it. Learn from 
the exits, detours and bumps in the road and look forward 
to finding the next 'good exit', like perhaps an exit with a 
discount tire store... Ride on... 



^^^ 



amam// • #////// 



'n/7Bnn/7¥ i/^i^DBS' 




The Battle In Life 



When you and I came into this cold hearted world, we were 
all baby's not knowing the right from wrong. We did not 
know about the battle that was in front of us. We didn't 
know what to expect, because we were all too young 
to understand the concept of life. We were too young to 
understand the battle in life and what the meaning to life is. 
But little did we know it's a process as our life went along 
to conform to this battle to adapt. 

Now us being kids and learning to battle with life we 
all had to learn on how to crawl before we walk and walk 
before we talk. We learn from consideration of our parents 
so being a newborn baby we cry out for help in the battle. 
We cry because we need to be feed some of us have been 
breast fed and some battle fed from our own mother. It's 
just a part of a natural life for some of us you know our 
mom can leave us somewhere some place for a second or a 
minute. 

We cry because we sense she is going, because of the 
fear we have that we might be left behind. The battle that 
we need to be fully succeeded by our own mom touch of 
her and the comfort of her love to guide us to the light of 
life. To teach us what is right from wrong which leaves us 
in to phase of life. Now some of us had to find a way to have 
this battle in life. Some of us are rich and some of us are 
poor, but no matter what race you are, you are always the 
underdog to this battle. 

In life, as we all know we went to some type of school 
to learn something and what we wanted to be. So being a 
kid or kids we all set goals and wanted to achieve them 
and most of us took a wrong direction to life not knowing 
what to expect of the damage that we did to ourselves. Most 
people as kids always wanted to be a doctor or lawyer or 
a policeman but in the long run a person who gets high, 
breaks the law, like being a car Junker or a dope dealer or 
a hooker and just on the street. 

That's even a battle in life to and why we are not thinking 
straight in our own head. We can't think to be safe. We're 
just careless and looking for a reason to get caught up in 
society today, to put fast money in our pocket. But little did 
we know its always a price to pay not knowing the severity 
of the repercussions to our life. Some of us will get a grip 
on life. 

In life's terms some will live a fast life and some will 
go slow and some are aware of the concept to life. It could 
be very short. It's very rare you see people live up to 100 
years old. Now please take heed to the battle of life because 
they come in many shop and forms that you recognized the 
battle of life because our life is so precious that we take a 
lot for granted. 

Have you ever thought that your life would be a battle 
because someone or someplace or even loved ones. Could 
it be a misunderstanding and not knowing who could be at 
fault when trying to explain that your right and knowing, 
which doesn't make you bad person but it dose make you 
your own worst enemy because it's a battle within yourself. 
Not knowing what to expect next in your life such sitting 



Gregory Valdez is writing u% from a correctional facility in 
Sacramento, Ca. In these two powerful pieces Greg explains the 
battles we all face. He talks about the battle that's in our mind to 
constantly to the right thing. He also talks about the battle in life. We 
all have been through our fair share of battles in life. And if we want to 



winners of the contest! 



down with a person trying to explain something but not 
really knowing how to go about it because it's too difficult 
to say what you want to say or what you mean. 

The battle of trying not to listen to good advice because 
in our own head we think we know it all and the reality we 
don't see now we just made a small thing into a big thing. 
Now the key to our life is wisdom and the concept of it is if 
we do not understand it there we lose the battle because of 
our own selfish acts or not trying to seek the good advice. 
Now I always hear if and when people are locked up I will 
change if society just gives me another chance I'll be that 
productive member of society. 

But lil' did we know we already permitted our thought 
and do difference because of our selfish ways and fail to 
realize the battle is right there any give time. Because it's 
too good to fight the temptation. And the battle of life will 
always slap us in the face unless we achieve any and all 
obstacles that come our way. So what you lose is what you 
give to me. 

The #1 battle is education to be installed in our brain. 
It should be like a sponge and soak it all up because in 
education there are lots of benefits. Yes it's everywhere 
but the cold part about this battle is you have to do the 
footwork. Unless, you want the battle to take control of you 
and you lose to it. Now a lot of us never ask to be placed 
here on earth but here we are with an everyday struggle. 
Rather you're behind a wall, in juvie, CYA, jail, prison, the 
SHU. Or just the plan in society we all have consistence 
with the battle in our everyday life with people. 

And now that we got older in life the battle does not 
stop. It's not a race but it's a challenge. Most of us all, when 
you have a job, a job you work so hard for, and it does not 
pay what you expected to pay. Knowing you know you do 
not have a lot of money to pay your rent or bills and the 
food you have to put on the table, let alone that you have 
to wake up and deal with this battle again once you get 
back up and step out in society to go to work knowing you 
have to be on time for work. And guess what? You ended up 
being late for work and the boss wants to talk to you about 
him going to have to replace you because of the tardiness 
to work on several occasions because of the morning rush 
hour. And you're trying to explain why you were late, so 
now then he or she gotten the upper hand on you and 
you get fired and land up in the welfare office looking for 
some kind of support. Knowing all the years you live in low 
income, and growing up in the projects, trying to love that 
place. 

You write your book there, having to sell your fancy 
car such as BMW or what you need to make ends meet. But 
at the same token you as your own person you can choose 
your own battle in life. 



And HOW that we got older in life the hat tie does not 
stop. It 's Hot a race hMt It 's a challenge. 



^^^ 



amam// • r/r/et/ 



'n/?Bnn/?¥ i^^l^DB^ nanT' 



miM^g 



The Battle For Your Mind 

Decision features is one of the most important things in 
our lives is the control of our minds. Our thoughts are 
powerful they can harm us or do us good. A person thinks 
many people have trouble minds because inside their mind 
they have idols and act out on sexual fantasies for self- 
gratification. Is it worth it? 

I do not know but because of sin it is an enemy of God. 
So with our very own mind we all need to be very cautious. 
The way we think and words that come out our mouth, you 
notice or here someone say. I get a headache. Would you 
think their mind is running on overtime because they think 
so hard trying to find a result to what they thinking about 
because it was the work of the flesh. Some understand 
and some want to battle for your mind. The tempo of your 
body and the flesh of this world, which is related to this 
encouraging activity of demons hatred and flgh ting jealousy, 
and anger. 

These fuel result impure thought eagerness for lustful 
pleasure and parties of all that sort of thing I say one day 
each of us will stand before God one day on all our account 
ability for our actions before its too late they say the near 
is end but close anybody know? We all have been alert that 
are mind so harden that it comes reprobated and the Bible 



has warn us against of having this kind of mind the 
devil blinds our mind in to have a veiled in our mind to 
have a spiritual truth. 

We may have all kinds of unique ways and style and all 
kinds of disciplines and flelds of knowledge but when it 
comes to spiritual things we don't know anything because 
we're blinded. But our mind does not want to believe that's 
why the Holy Spirit has to come and lift the veil. Many 
people cannot understand it but if they listen to what God 
puts in there heart and mind they will understand it. Like 
Proverbs: 3/5/6 "trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean 
not on your own understanding and all your acknowledge 
him and he shall direct your path and let us not forget the 
Lord by wisdom found the earth that we walk on sit and 
mostly talk on." 

Now were you come to and place to where you desire God 
you want to be free form all sin and forgiven your spiritual 
eyes are opened and your mind is freed and Christ can cure 
our mind from anything and everything the body of their 
craving of these things that destroy Christ can liberate 
and change a person mind so with all this said there is a 
renewed of the mind and do not be conformed to this world 
but be transformed by renewing of your mind to our loving 
Lords of Lords and Kings of Kings, Jesus Christ 



Addiction 



For those who don't know me my name is Addiction 

Even before you were conceived in your mother's womb 

I was already on my mission 

Some seek to study me 

But I have become invisible to the sight 

Most flnd me, and keep me to themselves and 

Allow me to float through the veins at night 

For some I have become a myth in their mind 

For most I have become the raw truth, behind the scene of 

the crime. 

I came to attach myself to you 

And never let you go 

I desire to feast on your inward parts 

And ultimately your soul 

Fortunately I'm the master of skullduggery 

Scholars, and prudent men a like cant get in reach of me 

I'll take a young and strong body 

And produce the worst of health 

I'll take the things you love in life, and exchange it for 

crystal meth 

My friend comes to see me 

For your problems 

No matter what they might be 

You see I have the answer for every problem 

Here have some weed 

Is if flnancial heartache 

Or a cheating partner, that has gotten you off track 



'HU/PTTS cnn^ ^/?.' 



Curtis Cook Jr. is bade and he is free! Yes Curtis is writing and 
enjoying his freedom and obviously is still a primetime participant 
in The Beat Within. He writes u% from Selma, Alabama and wants to 



learn something. 



I have the perfect person for this situation 

Here try Mr. Crack 

Has life gotten down, and it seems everyone has stop 

caring 

Well try my long time doctor 

I call him Dr. Heroin 

I've seen how people have let you down, and you feel 

There's no one you can trust 

Well I know this heavenly up right woman, try Mrs. Angel 

Dust 

Has your mental health taken a turn for the worst? 

And everything has become tragic 

Well I know this brilliant psychiatrist, here try Mr. Acid 

Your friends have become strangers 

And you're feeling all alone 

Well I know this expert entertainer, try Mr. Methadone 

My friend there's millions of things 

To get addicted to. 

To sabotage your mind 

My deception screeches for centuries, leaving many blind 

So what efforts will you enforce? 

Do your next craving 

Will you be strong enough to resist the temptation? 

Is your life worth saving? 



Take Mo To Collooo 

Tell me what is the key 

To your soul 

Is it money, is it Gems 

Is it riches untold 

Tell me what makes your 

Heartbeat 

Is it blood, is it love 



That makes you weak 

Take me inside your heart 

I'll explore 

Every dominion of your 

Very existence 
You and me is time well 

Spent 

Teach me to love to care 

To open my heart 



To share 
Teach me to be tolerant 

Of others 

Teach me to be the lover 

Bless me 

With every detail of knowledge 

Quiz me 

Take me to college 



^^^ 



amam// • #////// 



'HB/7IIB/7T H. SnHU/BXnB/7T' 




Slave-Breaking: Prison is slavery. 
Plain and simple. 

The Emancipation Proclamation openly ended ancient 
(chattel) slavery but secretly instituted modern-day slavery. 
In February 1854, the US Congress wrote and voted to 
adopt the 13th Amendment to the Constitution, which 
said, "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as 
a punishment for crime where of the party shall have been 
duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any 
place subject to their jurisdiction." 

For this reason, I appropriately refer to an inmate or 
prisoner by his or her proper name: To slave. 

One of the most common and widely used forms of the 
endless tactics of psychological warfare that I see visited 
upon us slaves is drugs. The irony is that scores of gullible 
slaves are condemned to slavery for possessing and using 
illegal drugs that were injected into their community, but 
once we're in slavery we're forced to take drugs. 

In fact, before the mid-1950s, drugs were not used widely 
in therapy for psychological disorders because the only 
available sedatives induced sleep as well as calm. Then, the 
major tranquilizers Reserpive and the Phenoliazines were 
introduced. The drug that I see most commonly used on 
slaves in Phenothiazine (trade name: Thorazine). 

In addition to alleviating anxiety and aggressive 
behavior, the drug reduces psychotic symptoms such as 
hallucinations and delusions. It is called an anti-psychotic 
drug. What I see done with this drug is the manipulation 
of slaves. They are tricked into believing they have a 
psychological disorder (because they are told be certified 
psychologist or psychiatrist known as a mental health 



Herbert B. Schweigert is writing to u% from Crossroads Correctional 
Center in Cameron, Mo. Herbert has been a very deep writer for The 
Beat Within for a while now. He really brings a lot of hard-hitting, 
thought provoking pieces to our readers, and with that, we are honored 
to give him the space to share, to teach. 



counselor), and they are forced to take this medicine. The 
effect begins as the slave becomes permanently pacified. But 
then a problem develops. It is a problem for the slave, but 
an accomplishment for the oppressor. The slave becomes 
drug-dependant. They are made zombies in that form. They 
are compliant. They drift to the explicit command and 
order of the institution to give us social, occupational or 
recreational activities. 

Also, continued use of the substance in the face of 
ongoing or recurring physical or psychological problems 
is likely to make the problems worse (as many times is 
the case). It is also proven that some drugs have the 
opposite effect of what was intended. Say a person without 
anxiety and aggressive behavior is given Thorazine, a drug 
that is supposed to alleviate these symptoms, what is the 
outcome? 

In my case, I was young and going through the various 
mental institutions and clinical sessions that I did, and 
I was given a drug called Ritalin. Ritalin is a psycho- 
stimulant. It is suppose to heighten alertness and arousal. 
It and other psycho stimulants were commonly used to 
treat children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorders. 
But it was found that, "strangely in these cases, they have 
a calming effect rather than a stimulating effect." Other 
drugs aren't exempt from the characteristics of Ritalin or 
the side effects. It's a medical known fact that Thorazine 
destroys one's brain cells. That's one way to break a slave. 



Prisnns: New Farms Of Envirnnmental Racism. 

In the last 40 some years or more the United States has built 
more prisons than any other country during and period in 
history. The cost of the US criminal justice system now 
runs to $200 billion or more per year. But the financial cost 
are only part of the story. There are many other costs not 
so easily seen, costs passed on to the least able to pay them 
- the poor rural towns in which most prisons are built and 
the poor urban communities from which most prisoners 
are sent. Because the costs of the current prison expansion 
are being passed to the poor, especially to people of color, 
I say that prisons are examples of economic injustice and 
environmental racism just to name a few. 

What Are Environmental Racism And Environmental 
Justice? 

Environmental racism is racial discrimination in 
environmental policy making. Selective enforcement of 
environmental laws, and targeting of communities of color 
for environmentally disastrous land uses, such as for 
toxic wastes disposal sites or other polluting industries. 
Communities of color and poor communities bear an 
unequal and unfair number of environmentally destructive 
land uses, land uses that take from the community but 
don't give back to it. 

A study in the late 1980's by the United Church of 
Christ, for example, found that of 15 million Latinos 
living in the US, 8 million lived in communities with one 
or more licensed toxic wastes sites. The environmental 
justice movement seeks to end such environmental and 
economical and economic injustices by eliminating the 



sitting of environmentally toxic facilities anywhere, 
along with other newer grass roots organizations since. 
It's an on going struggle. 

Where Are Prisons Located Today? 

Throughout the nation nearly all prisons - just like other 
more traditional forms of environmental racism - are sited 
in poor, rural communities on a hollow promise of jobs and 
economic prosperity. Many of these communities are also 
communities of color. In California, for example, the vast 
majority of new prisons have been sited on thousands of 
acres of what was farmland in the Central Valley. 

These communities are targeted for prisons much 
similar communities are targeted for other environmental 
disastrous industries. A report in the middle 1980's on 
the sighting of hazardous waste incinerators for example, 
concluded that communities that would offer the least 
resistance to the incinerators were small, rural towns 
whose residents were poor, majority catholic with high 
school educations or less who worked in jobs like mining, 
timber or agriculture. California's prison towns' fit this 
profile precisely and still does. 

How Are Prisons Sited? 

As if often the case with other environmentally disastrous 
land uses, communities are shut out of the public review of 
such proposed prison sites. According to the Encyclopedia 
of American Prisons: "Site Selection and Construction" p. 
447; in an old 1996 issue I'd once read it states "premature 
disclosure" making siting a prison difficult because the 



^continued jon^nexUpagem 



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'HB/PHB/PT H. SnHMBXnB/?T canr' 




public might find out before the details set. Not surprisingly, 
notice of any public-hearing is poor, if given at all, while 
intimidation by those pushing for the prison is great. 

Another barrier (and there are many) to community 
participation arises because environmental review 
documents are provided only in English. In Mendota, CA for 
example the Federal Bureau of Prisons (FBOP) wanted to 
build a five prison complex awhile back. The FBOP prepared 
a 100-page Environmental Impact statement in English. 
According to the Bureau of the census at that time, 86% 
of the Mendota residents "speak a language other than 
English" at home when pressed to translate the 100-page 
document into Spanish, the FBOP made the outrageous 
claim that translation was not possible because the EIS 
contained "scientific" and "technical" terms. Finally the 
FBOP produced an insulting 10 page summary in Spanish. 

The environmental justice movement insists that 
the political process be open and democratic, so that all 
who might be affected by a project have the full complete 
information and access to participate in making decisions. 

What Are The Environmental Impact Of Prisons? 

Public officials often portray prisons as "clean industries" 
and promise hundreds of decent jobs to economically 
desperate towns. When in fact, the effects of prisons are 
almost entirely negative. They suck up scarce local resources 
such as water; they require towns to pay for roads, sewers 
and utilities; they generate tens of thousands of miles of 
community pollution, often in the most polluted parts of 
the state; they take irreplaceable land out of any productive 
use, wasting valuable public resources for nothing but 
holding people in cages. They give almost nothing back to 
their host communities. 

Most prison employees don't come from the host town 
nor do they move there after being hired; they commute 
dozens of miles each way. Neither the prison nor it's 
employees spend much money in the town, so local 
businesses don't benefit. Despite well known and proven 
alternatives, prisons take thousands of people out of their 
communities and families, further impoverishing already 
hard-hit urban areas. In the communities whose members 
make up the vast majority of the prison population, families 
are destroyed and local businesses lose customers and 
employees. Prisons are environmental and social disasters 
for the communities from which prisoners come and for the 
towns in which prisons are built. 

Youth Who Are Rebelling Against Society And Why 

Many of our children are born oppressed in this world 
and are being deprived of opportunities to develop into 
responsible adults. They are being singled out and 
separated by a process designed to make them self-destruct 
and simultaneously become a menace to society. Many 
people say that our youth's behavior is the cause of the 
toughening crime laws and the growing prison population. 
If this is true, it could be concluded that we adults are as 
much to blame for the laws and the increase in the prison 
population. 

It could be said that we just don't understand our youth 
or we just don't care about the growing numbers of them that 
are left alone to fend for themselves and to be engulfed by 
the situation that is threatening a large portion of our youth 
population. Society's focus should be to save the future of 
our youth. It's time for us to start speaking up for them, 
talking to them and ask them to help us understand their 



way of life so we can build a bridge of communication 
and a defense for them from the accusation that they are 
a menace to society. 

They are being excluded from enjoying their dreams 
here in America. We hand them up like fools as a sacrifice to 
the government without a fight because our nightmares are 
recognized through the fiesh of those we call our enemies. 
We should not allow this situation to get any worse. Look 
at the population of the United States juvenile facilities, 
jails and the prison population. It refiects our children 
more and more. We are allowing others to think of us as 
people who put their children in the hands of the system 
that steered us into out current system and make it their 
surrogate parents. 

One of the reasons we do this is because we have been 
conditioned to dismiss our children as just another scene 
in the tragedy that affects all our lives. It is because of the 
illusory realities we believe in that we are doing good and 
getting better of that the plight of our children does not 
bother us. 

The reality is that we are validating our own oppressive 
state by ignoring the needs of those that are trying to 
improve themselves and the quality of life for all people 
even more so for the people of color here in America. We 
have forced our children to choose their own paths toward 
self-empowerment, but we are not looking at the reality 
of whether our children can even reach empowerment 
relying on themselves. We must help them to choose the 
right path. This is a process of personal development. If we 
investigated the reality of what "self-empowerment" is for 
all people(s) then we would come to the conclusion that 
we have to deconstruct their and our current mindsets. 
We have to reconstruct a mindset focused on getting the 
building process started. 

Lastly, we must construct a constant elevation of self- 
empowerment for all to embrace without any having to 
sacrifice anyone. Our children are not bad people. They 
have simply never been taught how to control their behavior 
and to get the best out of life with less bumps and bruises. 
We must take into account that they, especially those who 
never received nurturing guidance from their parents or 
other adults, may develop psychological problems as adults 
that are caused by mixed cultural, psycho-emotional, and 
sociopolitical factors. All of us adults must take the time to 
raise our children. 

America is the only nation of people that does not 
take the appropriate time to raise our children. Our 
communities have been seduced into assuming that our 
children can survive on their own. This type of thinking 
has been the cause of our children's development of anti- 
social values that keep them at odds with every structure 
here in America. 

Outside of life at home, both parents and children are 
subjected to an engineering that fosters scorn of each other, 
without a heart for helping each other correct ourselves. 
Our love and concern for each other has been misplaced. 
During olden times the love and concern we had for each 
other helped us to correct our behavior. It created a mode 
of behavior in which we are only loved by our families. 
These values were passed on to other generations, and the 
process was repeated. The older generation was not bad, 
it was just in need of community education on social and 
political issues. 

When the older generation cried out for help by 
committing destructive behavior and crime, it was done 
so because it lacked social and political educations. The 
community ignored them until they started to affect the 



^continued jon^nexUpagem 



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''HB/?IIB/?T H, SHHU/BTUB/PT canr' 



miM^g 



economy and the social elite, which has always manipulated 
our community through their media. They have type cast us 
all as aggressive people and gang bangers mafias. This has 
kept the generations before them from entitling us human 
compassion. 

It is not strange to see today's generation calling each 
other honkies, pigs, ninjas, dogs, thugs, hoodrats, chicken 
heads, white trash and many other previously derogatory 
descriptions. Most of this generation has not received an 
education that fosters a higher degree of understanding and 
produces a higher destiny for themselves that isn't defined 
and dictated by the corrupt U.S. government oppressors 
we live under. Far too many of our youths are not learning 
this easy lesson until they reach an age where they can 
only imagine what they could have accomplished with their 
youth. 

Why is it that trillions of tax dollars are diverted 
away from this future generation's education and social 
service budget? This generation has been cut off by 
our government, and it is only causing more and more 
dysfunctional behavior and creating a class doomed to 
incarceration drug addictions or an early death. This is the 
form of persecution that is being used to kill the spirit and 
the body of this generation and all the future generations. 
But what is killing this generation even more is that as bad 
as our enemies may be, they are not as bad as we are to 
each other. Could it be the fear factor, checkmate they got 
us in, making us too scared to rise up against them, so we 
just use, hurt, and kill each other, instead? 

We're like fools keep falling for the same tricks. We 
have very little self-control, and we have been remade 
through an image of us physically, mentally, spiritually, 
and economically. The world climate of past generations 
was much different than that faced by this generation. 
Those who lead this country understand how this scenario 
developed and use it to keep themselves in power. But 
our generation has a strong will and the determination to 
rise up and be successful. Our downfall hasn't been in the 
desire for self-empowerment but in the choices made to act 
upon it. 

We must encourage our youth to choose well and help 
them understand the choices they have made. If we could 
take more of a collective, interest in each other both middle 
and lower class peoples of all races and creeds, this would 
be more valuable to us than all the schools the United 
States has to offer. It is time for us as a people to come 
together as one and help this generation by giving them 
a better sense of direction and the ability to be a positive 
infiuence on others of their generation. 

It is time to start giving them our time so they will 
understand how much their time means to us and giving 
them our love. We need the next generation to be better 
than this generation and so on with each generation to 
follow. If we do not start doing what we can now, then we 
could become the problem we are trying to address, and 
one day we will be faced with the same problems from the 
generation that we refused to help. We all have to unite, 
middle and lower class, we have to rally and fight together... 
What's the worst that could happen that hasn't already 
happened to us. Get fired from your jobs? 

You have the worst jobs anyway working to make the 
rich richer. They burn crosses on your lawns, burn your 
houses down call you spicks, niggers, and white trash. All 
that has happened to us before. Small groups are acting out 
but they're either being murdered or imprisoned. We can 
be a force to reckon with if we all come and stand together 
to keep speaking out say enough is enough we ain't gonna 



put up with it no more, to make sure it doesn't happen 
to us again, or our children and their children's children 
will never be safe from this corrupt U.S. system. 

Excerpts 

"The people need to resist and end this illegal war in Iraq to 
prevent any further war crimes our government is forcing 
us to commit for them. Killing and bombing civilians is 
an illegal is criminal. Ending it is not. Not in God's eyes 
and he's the one we need to be concerned with, and his 
judgement for your murders." Won't be no apologies or plea 
bargains then! 

"Liberty without socialism is inequality and injustice 
Socialism without liberty is brutality and slavery." 

"It wasn't the nails in Jesus' hands and feet that kept 
him on the cross, no it was his love for us that kept him 
there." 

"Capitalism has always relied on slavery. In the beginning, 
it was the Africans and the indigenous populations that 
labored in captivity. Later, the urban and rural poor, and 
today's slaves are the government's prisoners. The modern 
plantation is the so called center for corrections." 

"Prison serves many purposes. It houses the people you 
don't want, the people your scared of, the people who 
fight you or a corrupt system, the people who need to 
be eliminated or controlled and you make a big money 
business out of it. And there's no alternatives. Every study 
they've ever done over the last 30 years or more, tells them 
that alternatives cost less, are more successful, are more 
humane, are refiections of a more caring society. They 
know prisons don't work except to break peoples backs, 
break them down mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and 
to turn pettie thieves into murderers. Prisons only breed 
bitterness. But our corrupt government and corrupt law 
enforcement and judicial system as well as the ruling class 
don't give a shit about these things. If they did we wouldn't 
be in this cesspool mess." 

"Conventional wisdom would have one believe that it is 
insane to resist this, the so called mightiest of empires... 
But what history really shows is that today's empire is 
tomorrow's ashes, that nothing lasts forever, and that to 
not resist is to acquiesce in your own oppression, the 
greatest form of sanity that anyone can exercise is to resist 
that force that is trying to repress, oppress, and to fight 
down the human spirit." 

" The people, once united will never be defeated, they 
have learned that resistance, allied resistance is actually 
possible. The holds are beginning to slip away." 

Wisdom! 

I'd written up an article titied-"PEACE IS PATRIOTIC AND 
THAT'S THE PROBLEM" which relates to the war on Iraq 
and the war on the poor which I'm sure you'll enjoy, I tell it 
like it is, I'll fight and die for my beliefs if necessary. I'd sent 
this article out to my lady friend sister Vicki in Texas she's 
supposed to be sending you folks a copy of it soon as she 
gets typed up. I'm white but I'm not racist, except towards 
racist people, and this racist corrupt U.S. government, and 
others more powerful. 



^^^ 



amam// • #////// 



'HB/?IIB/?TII, SHHU/BTUB/PT canr' 



miM^g 



I grew up in the inner city ghetto slums that were only 
2% white neighborhoods. I've been around Blacks and 
Hispanics all my life and would have it no other way. I know 
for a fact Hillary Clinton is gonna win the presidency but 
sure wish it were Obama or even the Mexican, but they'd 
probably only get assassinated. 

The Bilderbergers, Hughs, and the lUuminati (secret 
societies) that many people don't even know exist, wants 
Hillary in and they run all this. Her husband has blood that 
are apart of this secret society, there has almost never been 
a president elected into the United States government that 
wasn't a member of the secret societies, such as Skull and 
Bones, Masons, Trilateral Commission, Commission on 
Foreign Relations or a member of the Bilderbergers. 

You'll never hear about Trillionares but they do exists! 
The Rockefeller and Rothschild dynasties have more 
accumulated wealth than can be calculated. They own the 
two largest banks in the world. Chase Manhattan and World 
Bank this is not to mention the untold real estate portfolios, 
oil and insurance companies. These are but only two of the 
10 richest families in the world that run the world. 

I'm gonna do an article one these issues also but in a 
religious sense Revelations refers to these as the 10 horns 
and they have funded every war that has taken place on 
this planet both sides us and our enemies. T£ixes are not 
even legal according to the constitution, the FDICC which 
is taken out of your paycheck each week, is not even 
associated with the Federal Gov. 



America needs to wake up. Hillary will do as she is 
told to do that's one of the main reasons they want her 
in that position as U.S. president. If you get a Republican, 
you get an lUuminati member and if you get a Democrat 
you still get one. Your vote doesn't count one iota. Not 
one! Mammon controls politics. As they say whoever owns 
the property owns the monopoly board, owns the pieces 
everything even us. Taxation without representation is 
what started this mess to begin with. 

Get on the internet and do some research into the 
dreaded UCC (Uniform Commercial Code!). You've never 
seen and never will see classes in UCC try and find out 
what it is. Even in prison it is feared that if men are ride 
outs, confiscation of the materials is a form of retaliation. 
They rule us we are their servants (slaves). Who do you 
work for and whom do you owe? 

Debt is manufacture. It is not natural. I'm just a nobody 
convict I'm not supposed to know these things and as long 
as certain special societies keep thinking I don't, I'll be 
around longer. How many Christian Bankers do you know? 
And if none, why not? Come out of Babylon my children, 
the 10 horns of the secret societies is the anti-Christ and 
his co-harts. 

Who are you serving, the Lord or Mammon? I pray that 
the God of Peace grants each of you wisdom in all things. 
Friends wisdom is the principle thing, in all thy getting, get 
understanding! (Proverbs 4:7) 



"?risoM serves maftif purposes. It 
houses the people if on don't want, 
the people if our scared of, the people 
who fight tfon or a corrupt stf stent,,, " 



'HB^T i/^nCB' 



Geri Vance is writing from CSP in Caiipatria, California. Geri wants 
to share a quicic poem with all you readers out there. So give a 
moment of your time and soaic some of this icnowiedge in your brain. 



The Brood 



I speak what my heart sense, so judge the intent 
Pitch my tent amongst the chimps within the splintered 

picket fence 
For my relent was what it meant, to bring offense and to 

offend 
And to avenge what they amend against the brood within 

the dew 
Can one contend, against what won't rescind because 

it's cup had peaked at brim 

So remote to reach it's end will cause it's potenance to 

go malign 

For the woes of me sits in the layer of skin beneath 

them 

The chance is none to slim of one of us becoming them 

For it's origins are of the concubines that cluster to the 

roof 

Offered in a basket of moth bitted fruit 

Dilutes its absolute into a hymn of the flute 

It's affliction self induced if it convinces it to stoop 




Cy^.e^n£ytu^ 



It Has heen 10 if ears since I Knew of this 
pMhiication and it has heen an honor and a 
privilege to Know if on all In a huge waif ntif 
printed expressions have helped me grow 
and see who I am, and tfon all have helped 
me grow and see who I am and if on all have 
helped me hecome a manjnst hif ifonr snp- 
port and free pnhlication, for that I am in 
great deht for tfonr time. 



read the rest ofleremtf Towner's 3W0 piece on page 55